April 2009

Editor’s note: A good time was had by all! I had too much of a good time & wasn’t feeling so hot by the end of our late night festivities. Cocktails & allergy medicine never mix. So, I sat down to compose this month’s Rag & as I’m reviewing my notes, there are parts (toward the mid-end of night) that I honestly don’t even know what the notes are for. My apologies in advance for any factual errors or missing items, continuing on…

This month, we played @ Peg’s house. It was a really lovely day, followed by an evening of fun, merriment & many jokes. The living room was fully decorated w/ balloons & sparklers (that we set off @ the end of the night). Peg was a great hostess in her Jester/Joker outfit. She had a big list of jokes & a horn that she would blow whenever it was time for another funny. After about 3 or 4 blows, it stopped working – Peg threw the horn & wanted her money back! Good thing Phyllis brought that microphone, Peg could use that instead. Peg noted that for some reason, everyone’s always all hyped up when we play @ her house. I jokingly suggested that her house was built on some ancient Indian burial site (too many horror flicks for me). That led to Peg telling us about how gypsies used to live on the site where her house is now built. She swears this is true, so that might explain a lot!

Everyone had a joke to tell or came in some sort of costume. Phyllis dressed up as a Whoopie cushion w/ a fart machine. She went around hugging & farting right from the door! Marge put last month’s mystery box to use by wearing her bunny ears & making a shirt w/ the pasties. Cosmo & I came as a couple of cone heads. Consume mass quantities – boy howdy!!! Our costumes were super cheesy, but we meant well. I had a black cone & Kate had a white one. She meant to paint the cone a flesh-tone prior to the party but never quite got around to it. This left her cone looking more like one belonging to a Grand Wizard & not Beldar. The costumes lasted for a photo or two, and then we got comfy & got down to business.

Before we started Marge & I both had goodies to pass out. Marge got crafty again & made little purses for us. Only the purses are made out of bras! Everyone got a specialized bag to start off. I made Easter eggs for everyone. I decorated the outsides & filled the insides w/ a springtime chip, chocolate & a round of game play on me. Debi & Phyllis both won while using the egg dimes. At the end of the night, Debi was complaining about being “low on dimes”? WTF??? Seriously??? Her cup was filled to the brim! Then she goes on to hit almost every pot during the last cover all & I’m not kidding…her cup overflowed & she couldn’t get the lid back on it again! (Note photographic evidence on the side) Maybe she can cash in some of those dimes to put toward her cruise w/ Patt. The hostess mojo was in full force again this month as Peg (also using my dimes) won both coveralls!

Since it was such a lovely evening (80’s that day) – we had to wait a while before we could turn on the oven to make pizzas. But it was well worth the wait. They all turned out yummy & delicious! We also had an assortment of fresh fruit & veggies to snack on. As usual, we didn’t starve!

One last announcement from the door! Debi got a phone call from her daughter while we were playing. Sarah was calling to tell her that as of May, she will be home from Iraq for good! This led to a round of “Hip, Hip Hooray!” from all of us. We’re all glad to see Sarah coming home safely. Thanks to her & the rest of our men/women who are currently serving our country!

MAY POKENO

Patt & Debi will be on a tropical cruise during the month of May. Therefore, they will be unavailable to play this month. The rest of us decided that we’ll be playing SATURDAY, MAY 16TH @ my house. This will be super-duper low key/no frills Pokeno. Come in t-shirt & jeans or your most comfy outfit. Please bring a few extra bucks so we can order some food. Not cooking is all part of this no fuss Pokeno!

ANOTHER ADVENTURE IN WONDERLAND

I swear it took me like ½ an hour to make announcements/discuss business! But, in the end, we got it all done (of course). Even though Patt & Debi will be away in May, Patt has once again graciously offered up her humble abode for our June party. We all had so much fun last year w/ the tea party & birthday exchange that we decided to do it again this year! We drew our Pollyanna’s & will bring gifts to the tea party. Come in your fanciest lady-like attire & prepare to party like its 1899!

We haven’t set a date as of the writing of the Rag. We did sort of agree on the end of June. Actual date & menu updates will follow accordingly.

MYSTERY BOX

Marge was responsible for the April Mystery. It has to be a new record for size/weight! She even managed to salvage some of the paper from March’s Mystery to recycle. We did the first drawing to see who the winner would be. Phyllis won. But, she decided that since she’s won so many, she’d pass it for someone else to have a chance. How thoughtful! So again we go ‘round the table & pick cards. This time, Debi was the winner! She was so excited to see what was inside the giant box…

Inside…Marge made a “diorama” using a gallon of spring water dressed w/ gloves, a hat & face to make it look like a person. She stuck the water to a knee pad & covered the pad w/ various garden seeds. She also put in a decorative fence, tools, tool bag & a pinwheel-type device.

Since Debi will be taking off in the month of May, the next Mystery Box will not be due until the June party. Maybe she’ll bring back a dolphin from her cruise! That would be fun!

JOKES

As previously stated above in my “Editor’s Note”, I can’t remember half the shit that happened during the evening. I was supposed to be noting the different jokes that Jester Peg was telling. I managed to recover 2 from my scribbling. One was about a blond nurse (there were a few blond jokes) & a black box? I think there was something about a magic marker or something too? See, I told you I was wacked…

I do remember the 2nd one. What do shingles & fatties have in common? They both wanna get nailed! Ooh, wait, here’s another scribbling about Frito Lay chips…what is that? Maybe it was because of all the chips on the floor? Hopefully y’all can remember the other funnies, because I sure as hell can’t!

RANDOM FUNNIES

Sorry, wrong game! Early in the evening, Patt got Pokeno, but yelled “Bingo!” instead. Huh? Oh, that was HER joke!

Sorry, wrong language! For some reason or another, someone said “ooh la la” at one point during the evening. This was followed up by someone else thinking that was Mexican… Just for the record, “ooh la la” is French, not Mexican. I’m not even sure if Mexican is a language – but it is in fact a delicious type of food!

Who’s that lady? Someone told Patt that she looked like Meryl Streep in “Mamma Mia”. We then had to explain that this was a compliment as her role in that movie was one of a super independent kick-ass woman. Also in this category is Debi’s new nickname “Major Juggs”! Not sure how or why that came up, but it did.

What’s that card? It was late in the evening when Cosmo finally got her turn to call. As she was also playing the part of a cone head, she consumed mass quantities with me. Slightly…no…quite intoxicated, she took her turn calling the cards. Good thing she holds them up, or we would have been really bad off when she called a “Jack of dimes”! This was followed with a “4 of nickels”! Oh boy…

Where do you keep your wand? This innocent enough question was asked & the response was “in your magnetized snatch”! WTF??? Again, I have to say that I neglected to note who said what, but I do remember laughing so hard I cried! Maybe we should all keep our wands on the table where everyone can see them?

That will round out this month’s edition of the Rag. Thanks again to Jester Peg-a-la for a most enjoyable party! Bon voyage to Patt & Debi – enjoy your trip & come back w/ lots of stories!

I’m taking a Rag break for May’s game – so I’m signing off until June’s B-day Tea Party. See y’all soon!

March 2009

We’re goin’ green! Our St. Patrick’s extravaganza was held this year at Cosmo’s tiki bar. You were greeted at the door by a rainbow which you followed through the kitchen, down the stairs & into the basement – where “treasure” awaited you! Everyone had a different interpretation of what their treasure was. Of course we had lots of good food (ham, sausage/cheese balls, pineapple pudding, twizzlers in tiki heads). Kate even provided Lucky Charms & Skittles. More about them later… Peg & I had our “Irish Princess” tiaras from last year’s party so we decided to bust ‘em out again this year. All the lassies came in their green finest! Everyone but Pita showed up this month. The ladies seemed very relaxed & all enjoyed the evening. Although, there was a guest bartender leprechaun (Roger) who was mixing drinks…that may have had something to do with it!

Cosmo provided a lovely party atmosphere. She even had Irish music playing in the background. Spanky & I showed up early to help Cosmo/Roger prep for the party. When Spanky realized there was Irish music, she demanded the “Unicorn Song”. WTF is this song about a fanciful unicorn? So, Kate puts the song on, Phyllis sings along, all is right with the world. I even quoted Spanky as saying, “This rocks!” A little while later, the rest of the ladies start showing up. We were settling in & Marge noticed the music. Phyllis mentioned the unicorn to Marge & she HAD to hear it. No… not again...geez… After being forced to listen a few times, I learned there was a big flood & some dude built a giant boat. He saved some geese & chimps, but he left the unicorns behind to drown. Yea, those Irish sure know how to bring down a party! After we were serenaded with songs of death, a livelier tune came on. So lively in fact that Marge & Patt busted out their best Riverdance moves and got jiggy with it. That was very entertaining! We finally settled in & got down to business.

I’d like to wish all you foxy ladies a happy spring! It finally sprung last week. You’d never know it from the flurries we had the day before Pokeno, or the frigid temperatures we’ve been dealing with. Anyway, one sure sign that spring is here is flowers blooming in the garden! You might remember that Phyllis passed out daffodil bulbs at the Halloween party. I took mine home & planted right away. I even managed to keep the squirrels from eating (most of) them. I was outside the other day & WOW the daffodils have sprouted! I even posted a photo here so you too can share in nature’s majesty!

MYSTERY BOX

I knew it would happen eventually… Some smart ass (Cosmo) decides to be cute about the mystery box & my mother has to go and win it! Kate had told me about her plans for a “Saints/Sinners” Mystery. I thought it was a great idea. Until I realized the possibility of Marge winning…then it became a horribly bad idea! While telling Kate what a great job she did on the special wrapping paper – the reality of what was inside hit me again. I suggested that we should remove Marge from this month’s drawing. Kate didn’t think that would be fair, besides, what are the odds that she’ll win??? HA! Turns out – the odds are pretty good!

To my horror & dismay, Marge went on to win the Mystery Box for March. Inside the box was a “Saint” side - Irish vest; Earth-friendly reusable shopping bag; beads (which someone suggested could’ve been placed on the other side of the box) & shamrock dilly-boppers. On the “Sinner” side was – bunny ears; tasseled pasties & lube. Good thing Roger was right there to make me a drink! Now I don’t have to go to the laundry room & scrub my eyes w/ bleach…

Someone mentioned that maybe we should be more cautious when putting the Box together. That’s not any fun. Please feel free to put whatever you want in there – that’s the “mystery”! If anyone else would’ve won the Box this month, I would’ve been fine. But, seriously, all you ladies know you don’t like to think about your parents being freaky! That’s all I’m saying… So Marge will be responsible for April’s mystery. I’m sure it’ll be G rated!

SOMETHING’S FUNNY AROUND HERE…

For the April party, Peg-a-la will be the hostess. Party will be: SATURDAY, APRIL 18TH @ 6:00. Peg decided on a “comedy” theme. You don’t have to go out of your way or anything, but Peg wants you to come with a joke/funny outfit/etc. We all tried really hard to agree on a date. It seems that April is busy for a lot of us. So, we decided on the 18th, however, Patt may or may not be able to make it. We’ll have to see what happens.

Peg thought a “pizza party” would be fun too. We’ve done this a few times now w/ much success. Peg provides dough & sauce. You all think of fun toppings & bring your favorites. Weather permitting she’ll have the fireplace going. Remember the November party? It was so warm we played w/ the windows open!

RANDOM FUNNIES

So that’s what a Skittle tastes like! Peg never had a Skittle before. She tried one & was surprised at the “rush of sugar all at once – no wonder kids like these things!”

Ball dog? Kate’s dog suffers from OCD & has a ball problem. She’ll bring it to you & once you throw it, she’ll keep coming back - many, many times. Patt made this mistake & Jacky kept dropping the ball in her lap. As you can imagine, this was quite distracting. She tried to tell the dog to stop & it came out as “ball dog”. Pretty funny, let’s take a breather…

The pause that refreshes! Patt noted that sometimes it’s just a good time to pause for a refresher. She was calling this month & wound up dropping the cards – not once, but twice! Debi dropped them the round before! We wound up having to pause at least 3 times in order to re-count the cards to ensure they were all there.

Are your arms too short? Someone was suffering from this rare condition & kept over-shooting the pots. Patt said something about arms being too short to box God. Huh? She went on to explain something about this play… After some research (thanks Wikipedia), this is an African-American musical with some parts borrowed from scripture. Of course, nobody in our group had seen/heard of it. Everyone did crack up when she said it though. Way to liven up the evening!

AS SEEN ON TV & HALLOWEEN PARTIES

Somehow or another, we started talking about ShamWow! People remarked that they can’t see the commercial now without thinking about Kate’s super awesome Halloween costume. Everything’s funnier when you’re in on the joke… Debi mentioned that she actually purchased the ShamWow! She asked if anyone else had bought one. Nope. So she went on to tell us how great they work & how much she likes them. They really do the job! What job? You had to ask… apparently they’re really good at cleaning up pet messes. I’m gonna leave it at that. So, if you too have messes to clean up, go get yourself a ShamWow!

THE SKITTLE INCIDENT

Now you know we can’t get through an entire game without any drama. We were about ½ way through the evening, feeling all relaxed. I needed a sugar fix, so I grabbed a Skittle. As I popped it into my mouth – BAM! CRASH! CRACK! Holy crap, I’m stuck in the chair!!! Why is it that I’m the one who keeps getting injured at our parties recently? Remember my concussion last month thanks to Pita? So, I pry myself out of the chair & removed the splintered wood sticking out of my ass. Cosmo apologized & said something about trying to tighten the chair, but apparently over-tightened it which caused the wood to crack. All it took was 1 little Skittle to cause disaster! I’m gonna be extra careful to be sure I don’t get injured in April!

That will wrap up another month of fun. Thanks again to Cosmo for a lovely party! See you next month for a wrap up on Peg’s party. Until then, may the best bitch win!

February 2009

That’s Amore! Our Valentine spectacular was held this month at Spanky’s “Love Shack” & co-hosted by Pita. We had stuffed shells, shrimp, cake & all sorts of yummy stuff. Everyone was feeling lovey & brought extra goodies. I had goodie bags for everyone & an interesting stuffed photo frame (donated by my son) to auction off. Cosmo had a troll doll to give away. Debi was “the big wiener” of both prizes. At the end of the night, she gave the troll to Kate L - for all her hard work? Or because she kept “molesting” it? Marge made bookmarks & magnets to pass out. Cosmo gave everyone a rose before they left. During game play, they made a very nice arrangement on our love table. Pita hand-crafted candleholders & personalized champagne flutes for everyone. Marge will be very happy to see her dining room table once again (that’s where the craft explosion took place). Debi passed out stickers (more about that in a minute) & made cherry bombs. Peg brought candy, Phyllis provided chocolate covered strawberries. It was an all around fun evening!

Everyone came in their finest red &/or pink attire. Cosmo wore comfy PJ’s (see photo), I had a springy heart headband (that some found distracting), some chose to accessorize their breastasis w/ the stickers Debi brought (see photo). Phyllis’ house looked lovely. Her & Mark just got done re-doing the dining room & kitchen. Phyllis also decided to do a little makeover on herself by dying her hair back to her natural color.

We had a champagne toast to love with the flutes Pita made. She was gonna make a speech or something, but didn’t & came up w/ something lame at the last minute. However, this was nicely covered earlier in the evening when Patt mentioned that everyone should say one happy thing. We went around the table. We get to Cosmo & she says, “If just 1 person is missing from the table, it still feels like someone’s missing”. Aww…this was so sweet that everyone had a moment & Debi says, “We complete each other!” Then everyone started cracking up. This led to a discussion about a group tattoo. It seems 6 outta 8 ladies are interested (you know who you are). We also had a few drinks & cherry bombs in us at this point. Maybe we should re-visit the topic again another time.

The streak continues (no – we’re NOT goin’ streaking…)! Kate L. was our co-hostess w/ the mostess. She worked her buns off all night & vows “even if living in a mansion” she’ll never volunteer to hostess again. All her hard work paid off when she was the big winner of the first cover all of the night. She was also noted to keep hitting another pot too. I neglected to note which one it was exactly, but it was 1 of the 6. Let’s see if the elder Kate of the group can continue the hostess winning streak…more on that next month!

MYSTERY BOX

Not only did Phyllis have to get her house ready for the party (in between 2 run-ins w/ poles), but she was responsible for the February Mystery as well. She jigged/danced her heart covered anti-stress themed box over to Cosmo. Inside was a comfy pink blanket, super soft socks, lavender scented soap petals (we could smell the box before seeing any of it) & microwavable heat wrap. The socks caused much confusion. Some thought it was a fuzzy thong or headband! Eventually Phyllis told her what it was. So, now Kate G. will be responsible for hostessing & a Mystery for March.

GREEN BEER TASTES FUNNY

We’re goin green! Bust out your best green outfit, our St. Patty’s party will be held Saturday, March 21st, 6:00 @ The Geib’s Tiki Bar. Do you think Polynesian leprechauns wear grass skirts? Please see artists’ rendering on the side over there. Get there & get you’re Irish on! Cosmo will provide a Heavenly Ham, Irish Potatoes & Roger’s bartending skills for the evening.

During our March game, you have permission to say (insert card) O’(insert suit) when you’re calling the cards. Cosmo tried pulling this during our February game, but Shiatzu hit the breaks on that one quicker than an old lady up to a fire hall on bingo night. It was agreed that the only time you’re allowed to call in such a manner is during the St. Patty’s party.

RANDOM FUNNIES

Why is there so much money in here? Someone hit Pokeno & when they went to take the winnings, they realized there were a few extra dimes in there. Ok, someone forgot to take it last time. But, the mystery is…who won? We all sat there for a minute & seriously couldn’t remember who it was. Patt made a crack about short term memory loss. This sent everyone into a fit of giggles. In the end whoever it was that won that pot got double. I must’ve been laughing so hard, I totally forgot to note who won. Maybe we should all be more careful to take our hard earned winnings in the future.

Courtesy flush? That’s when the flush is already gone, but you stop game play to call & check anyway. You can thank Spanky for that little gem. I guess she was just being extra careful after the missed Pokeno incident?

Note to myself & others! Don’t ever ask Pita to “toss” anything! I was being a nice Pokeno sister & sharing my hand sanitizer w/ the group. I originally tossed it to Debi (underhanded & gently). It made its way round the table & stopped at Kate L. It sat there for a bit & I wanted to be sure it made its way back into my bag. That’s when the carnage ensued! I asked her to toss it & she chucked it (over handed) over Cosmo’s head & straight onto my cranium. BONK!!! Why am I seeing 2 of Phyllis? It took a minute for everyone to realize that I was in fact injured & Pita ran to grab me an ice bottle. I managed to play on through my pain (it’s difficult to cover your card & ice your head at the same time) & the lump shrunk down by the next morning. So, word of caution to the rest of you – don’t use the word “toss” or you might be the next sister to suffer an injury!

What kind of music is this? Patt brought a CD to the party. It was supposed to be some sort of old-school dance mix. Think along the lines of “American Bandstand”. We were listening for a bit when Patt tells us, “The dance for this song is called the slow grind”. Huh??? Slow grind? The next song started & I swore it was that “cool jerk” song. Suddenly this dance mix became very dirty! Cosmo thought she could change the channel – but couldn’t. She didn’t realize that we were listening to a CD! Eventually the CD was over & we started listening to classics on Kate G’s cell phone.

And that will wrap up the month of February. Thanks again to Spanky & Pita for a wonderful party. See y’all at Cosmo’s house next month & may the best bitch win!

January 2009

Happy New Year! We rang in 2009 @ my house this year. There was lots of drama leading up to start time. It all started the day before with all those bastard weather people predicting a “major snow event” just in time for Pokeno. I franticly hatched a backup plan just in case. Saturday comes & um…where’s all the snow? At noon I decided it was “game on” & rolled along with the rest of my preparations. A few hours before game time, Patt was still undecided as it was snowing over her way & she’s got an hour plus drive. Always the true road warrior, she came to play the first round. Then, Peg decided she wasn’t feeling well & couldn’t make it. This left me without the 2 dishes that she was responsible for. So, I scrambled again to get everyone to bring extra cash to order something (or starve). This actually worked out quite well. I still provided my appetizers, we got chicken fingers & assorted pizzas. Thanks again to all you fine ladies for making my delivery guy “feel like a celebrity”! I hope I’m not blacklisted in the future from ordering food from there… For dessert, we had chocolate chip cookies (thanks Debi) & an assortment of crème puffs/éclairs (thanks Phyllis). As usual, everything was delicious!

We pigged out first, and then played until 8:45. Marge, Kate L & Patt all left after that one. Kate L kept hitting the pots during that first round. I put on a pot of super fantastic coffee which pepped us up for another round. This one lasted till a little after 10, and then everyone headed for home. During the 2nd round, Debi called for the first time ever! She didn’t feel as much pressure w/ just the 4 of us. She didn’t mind calling once she found her groove & realized she can call at her own pace & still cover her card too. I continued the hostess winning streak by winning the first cover all (by myself) & split the 2nd cover all w/ Katie G. If the hostess winning streak continues, I wonder who’s gonna win next month - the hostess or the hosting house? Hmm, we’ll just have to wait & see.

MYSTERY BOX

Kate L. was in charge of the first Mystery of the New Year. I’ve always told you guys that you can put whatever you want in there & boy did Kate run w/ that one! She provided 2 boxes heavily taped & wrapped in the Catholic Star Herald (recycling), used the bows from her prior Mystery from Peg (recycling again) & even packaged one of the mysteries in the box/tissue paper that Marge used for her Christmas churches (wow – who knew Kate was so “green”?).

Phyllis was the winner this month. She won a tangerine candle, a sign that said “some days are meant to be playing” & a wack kitten that’s some sort of fabric/ceramic. Phyllis said she’s gonna name it “Katie”. In case you forgot what it looks like, please see photo on the side there. I wonder what sort of goodies Phyllis will put in the February box…

FEELIN’ THE LOVE

Our annual Valentine’s party will be held SATURDAY, FEBRUARY 21ST @ 6:00. Kate L will be hosting, but we’ll be playing at Phyllis’ house since Kate doesn’t have a place of her own. Phyllis decided on an Italian menu. I’m sure this will be a super swell party!

JANUARY SHOUT OUT

Here’s one great big birthday shout out to Patt who celebrated her birthday on January 5th. Debi got her a few bags of magnetic chips & a magic wand to use at Pokeno. Patt was very excited to use her new goodies. The first bag of chips didn’t seem to be bringing her much luck, so she switched to the other bag. As soon as she did that, she won a pot! Maybe her wand really is magic!

RANDOM FUNNIES

Put that in your pantry! Debi noted that as her Christmas gift, she got new carpet & a new pantry for her kitchen. She told Patt, “Oh, you’re gonna love my pantry!” to which Patt replied, “I’ve ALWAYS loved Debi’s pantry!” That got a few laughs…

Go, go, gadget arm! Katie G (avid techno geek) was playing w/ her camera phone & was taking some sort of panoramic shot when Phyllis called her “Inspector Gadget”. Huh? Why? Because she’s always gotta play with her gadgets!

What’s that card? Joker? Jokeno? Nope – it’s actually a Jack of something or another! Good thing we all keep an eye on each other while we’re calling, or we’d really be confused.

What kind? Phyllis hit for a flush. Not sure what came before she said it, but it came out, “It’s not that kind, it’s THAT kind!” Oh, of course….that kind! Now it all makes sense!

QUOTES FOR THE NEW YEAR

• The proper behavior all through the holiday season is to be drunk. This drunkenness culminates on New Year's Eve, when you get so drunk you kiss the person you're married to. ~P.J. O'Rourke

• A New Year's resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other. ~Author Unknown

• People are so worried about what they eat between Christmas and the New Year, but they really should be worried about what they eat between the New Year and Christmas. ~Author Unknown

• An optimist stays up until midnight to see the New Year in. A pessimist stays up to make sure the old year leaves. ~Bill Vaughan

I’d like to take this opportunity to say peace out to 2008. I know some of you are glad it’s over. Here’s looking forward to 2009 & all the opportunities (or in our case…dimes) to come!

December 2008

Happy Pokeno to all & to all a fat pot! This year, we celebrated Christmas retro style at Cosmo’s Tiki Bar. We dined on a variety of pizzas & other holiday goodies. Everyone enjoyed the food & merriment. Phyllis dressed up as Mrs. Claus (even sported red panties to match). Everyone looked very nice (see photographic evidence on the side) & had a great time! We laughed SO much that I couldn’t take notes at one point because my whole body was seizing up w/ the giggles. Therefore, I can guarantee that there’s stuff I missed (the shots I had didn’t help either).

We had our special guest “Santa” join us for this party. Most of you were “wise to the cock in the box”. The tunes were plentiful too. At one point, a dance party erupted. I was in the bathroom & came back downstairs to this craziness! Patt wouldn’t let me through until I busted a move. We danced for a bit, and then got back to business. Opening gifts/eating first worked out well. We started playing by 7, did 2 cover alls & wrapped it up around 10-ish. Not too shabby!

You ladies must’ve been REAL good this year, because there were presents a plenty! Everyone got cool stuff. Debi couldn’t get her gift open! Kate L. & Marge had each other! Peg got a cool scarf from Debi. Debi got “magic chips” from Phyllis. She swore it was the chips that helped her keep winning all night. She even bragged to someone that she’s still playing with the original dimes she started out with last year! Even Patt got into the crafting thing! She made a “zen candle” arrangement for Kate G. & a dancing plaque for Peg. Patt also handed out homemade chocolate chip cookies. One giant cookie went to the first cover all. Debi was quite pleased (again – the magic chips)! Marge passed out hand-crafted churches, while Phyllis & I each passed out hand-crafted balls. Peg covered everyone’s membership dues for the night. It was a really nice evening & good time had by all. Thanks again to Kate for being such a great hostess!

MYSTERY BOX

December’s mystery came courtesy of Peg-a-la. The big winner was Kate L. Peg put a lot of love into this Mystery – even if it was wrapped in a trash bag!!! She got a big cardboard box, covered it with various cards from friends/family & little cute sayings, stickers, etc. It was like a scrapbook! The box was so cute in fact, that Kate forgot to open it. No…there’s stuff inside! Oh boy! It was chock full of cards, gift bags, tape, wrapping paper, bows, etc. How cool is that? All your wrapping needs in one lovely box! Now Kate L. will have to think up something cool for her Mystery in January.

HAPPY NEW YEAR

We’ll be ringing in 2009 at my house this year. The party will be on January 10th @ 6:00. Everyone thought it would be fun to bring a variety of hors d’ oeuvres (that’s fancy talk for appetizers) for this party. We’re gonna have various stuffed pastries, champagne, cheese/crackers, mini crab cakes, potato skins & (hopefully) some cream puffs.

DECEMBER SHOUT OUT

Big thanks to Roger for tending to the ladies all night. He got coffee, tea, snacks, etc. And, he took care of Isaac to boot! Wow! At one point during the evening, Patt called him “honey”. I hope this makes up for the previous July posting & the “Keith Partridge” incident…

RANDOM FUNNIES

Silky shirts are distracting! Patt wore a very lovely red silk blouse for our party. However, she felt “slippery” & kept rubbing herself all night.

Is your mojo working? Marge wasn’t doing so well in the winning department. Peg thought it might be helpful to give her a hug & share some of her “mojo”. Mrs. Claus was on the other side & she got in on the action too. Now Marge was getting good mojo from both sides. We continued on w/ game play & Marge wound up winning Pokeno that round.

Don’t eat that! I guess Patt’s shirt proved to be too distracting for her own good. As I previously mentioned, there was lots of food. Patt had a little goody plate in front of her. She also had her dimes at the ready to be put in. She thought a snack would really hit the spot. She almost tossed a dime in her mouth thinking it was some delicious candy! Good thing she noticed it at the last minute. That would’ve been really disgusting!

CHRISTMAS FACTOIDS

• "Hot cockles" was a popular game at Christmas in medieval times. Players took turns striking a blindfolded player, who had to guess the name of the person delivering each blow. Those medieval folks sure knew how to party!
• Yummy stuff! A traditional Christmas dinner in early England was the head of a pig prepared with mustard. Christmas trees are edible. Needles are a good source of vitamin C. Pine nuts, or pine cones, are also a good source of nutrition. Before you go digging in the fridge the next day – it’s estimated that 400,000 people become sick each year from eating tainted Christmas leftovers.
• Before settling on Tiny Tim for the character in "A Christmas Carol," other alliterative names were considered. They were Little Larry, Puny Pete, and Small Sam. Personally, I think Puny Pete would’ve been a better choice!
• Good news for all you eco-conscious Pokeno Sisters! For every real Christmas tree harvested, 2 to 3 seedlings are planted in its place.
• In 1907, Oklahoma became the last US state to declare Christmas a legal holiday. They’re always the last to catch up with the rest of the world!
• In Syria, Christmas gifts are distributed by one of the Wise Men's camels. The gift-giving camel is said to have been the smallest one in the Wise Men's caravan. But, does he have a shiny red nose???

That's all the news fit to print for December. I would like to take this opportunity to wish each & all of you (& your families) a VERY Merry Christmas. And when you're stuck at that holiday party you really wish you weren't at - just be thankful these aren't Medieval times & you won't be blindfolded & beaten by the other party guests! See you fine ladies next year!

November 2008

We had a Super Ultra Comfy party @ Peg’s house this month. Everyone came in their jammies. However, we were experiencing unusually warm weather (high in the 70’s) so Peg decided NOT to put the fireplace on. What a shame, that always adds an even more comfy feel to the night. Oh well. I’ll pretend that the fireplace on the right is Peg’s…ahh…I feel comfier already. We dined on chicken pot pie, mac & cheese, buttery mashed potatoes, apple crisp, rice pudding & pineapple pudding.

After everyone arrived at Peg’s, she passed out wine glasses w/ notes, napkins & tootsie pops. Then went into a speech about how thankful she is for her friends & how much they mean to her & how they’ve shaped her life, etc. Then she told us about a conversation she had w/ a very wise Native American man that she’s friends with. His “friendly advice” to her was, “When all else fails, just remember 2 very important words – fuck it!” Ain’t that the truth!!! So we toasted w/ our glasses & got on with our evening.

Everyone stayed for the whole game this month. Marge took a 2 hour nap to ensure she’d stay awake. Peg said she didn’t care how long we played because she was “already home – you guys can put me to bed!” We wrapped up at 10:30. Not too shabby. After I tried to suggest that we start our games earlier, Debi thought maybe we should eat first. We noticed by the end of the night that this was a brilliant idea! We decided to make it an official rule that we eat first from this point forward.

Shake your groove thing! We seem to have a “dance party” whenever we play at Peg’s house. Problem is, when you get 7 ladies together of various age groups & musical tastes, you can’t all agree on the same thing. We flipped the radio around for an hour or 2 before we finally decided to just turn it off. We did agree on a Prince song before the game started. Patt was waving her flowing locks & doing high kicks. Marge was up & dancing w/ us. Debi left her tassels at home, or she would’ve had a very special dance for us (ha, ha, ha)! That would’ve worked much better w/ her Halloween costume anyway!

Statistics show that whoever is hosting the party seems to win big! We put that theory to the test @ Peg’s house again this month. She started off winning the Mystery & went from there. She hit a super fat four corners w/ just 5 chips on her card. In the same round, she went on to take flush & Pokeno. I wonder if we can go 4 for 4 at Cosmo’s next month.

The weather was quite frightful! There were statewide tornado watches & everything. But, even the weather couldn’t stop (most of) us from making the trek to Peg-a-la’s. I should’ve been absent after having 3 teeth pulled just a few nights before, but I’m hardcore! Just don’t make me laugh too hard…oh crap…my jaw…where’s that ice pack? Absent this month was Kate L. Since everyone already knows what she’s been through in the last week, it shouldn’t have come as a surprise that she didn’t want to party. Here’s hoping Pita has a speedy recovery & is feeling well enough to return next month.

Last month, some of us had to “use the force” to remember to look for diagonal Pokenos. Debi & Patt both remembered & actually got a few on the diagonal! I can’t believe it! No more confusion for you guys! Congrats to you both!

MYSTERY BOX

Katie G. was responsible for the November Mystery. She put together a “Holiday Survival Kit”. In the bag was a hand-crafted (by Cosmo) paper Christmas house, lotion, candle, pack of Tylenol, bottle of Captain Morgan, can of cola & cup. As we picked, Peg complained “I haven’t won a Mystery in a year!” After checking stats, the last time she won really was at our last comfort party in November 07. Remember ladies, your odds of winning are much better if you show up for every game…but anyway…we got to picking. The first time, Phyllis won it. She decided to pass since she’s won a few times. When we re-picked, Peg actually won!

HO! HO! HO!

We will be celebrating a “retro” Christmas on Saturday, 12/13 @ the Geib’s Tiki Lounge. The party will start at 5:00. We will be playing at least 1 round of cards in between all that holiday merriment. Don’t forget to bring your Secret Santa gift ($20 max limit) with you. In the event that you can’t make it – please see that you pass along your gift so it gets to the party. After Peg got beat for her gift at our B-day Tea Party, I don’t want to see any more sad faces. Nothing quite like everyone else but you having a gift…that’s a sure fire way to have a “Blue Christmas”!

Cosmo says, “Not cooking is a gift to yourself!” So, she opted for our holiday menu to be pizzas from her local pizza shop. When we get there, we can pick toppings, pitch in a few bucks & place the order. While we’re waiting for delivery, we can exchange gifts (get that out of the way). Everyone seemed very excited about this plan.

Maybe since everyone was so comfy, it was super easy to agree on the date/time. It was also a problem free Secret Santa pick. Even though I reminded you to think of some things, some of you ladies didn’t heed that advice & took longer than others (Spanky) to complete their list. But, it all went smoothly & Peg could finally start calling @ 8:00.

NOVEMBER SHOUT OUTS

Shout Out #1: We have 2 Pokeno sisters celebrating birthdays this month. Kate L. on 11/17 & Phyllis on 11/21. Kate L. got b-day dinner @ my house. Phyllis will be getting a fresh coat of paint in her dining room & kitchen. Cheers to you ladies & many more happy b-days to you both!

Shout Out #2: As you know, Phyllis really gets into Halloween. Every year, her & Mark go to some parties & enter costume contests. This year, Phyllis wore her mermaid suit & Mark was the old man of the sea complete w/ boat made out of cardboard (see photo). Not only did they win the costume thing, but at the same party, there was a pie eating contest. Phyllis entered & won that too! After losing 100 pounds, it’s pretty ironic (don’t ya think) that she could out-eat all the other contestants. She said she went to the gym the next day & her trainer made her work off all that pie. Congrats on your big wins!

RANDOM FUNNIES

R.I.P. Hoover upright – All through the evening, there were chips falling all over the place. Since Peg’s got hard wood flooring, the chips echoed when they bounced. Phyllis was accusing some of having chips falling out of their crotches and/or butts. Chip smugglers…argh! Marge kept dropping chips & apologized to Peg. Peg says, “Don’t apologize to me – apologize to my vacuum! It’ll be picking up all the chips!” Her vacuum is bag less, so I bet the tink, tink, tink of chips in the collection tank will be deafening because there were a ton of chips dropped! Here’s hoping that the vacuum will make it out alive!

They’re not even the same color! While Patt was taking her turn calling, she kept confusing the 6 of diamonds w/ the 6 of spades. We kept an extra close eye on her & ensured that we were all on the same page w/ the same cards.

WHAT ARE YOU THANKFUL FOR?

This is the time of year when we pause for a moment to reflect on the past year & be thankful for what we have. I posed the above question to my fellow Pokeno Sisters and this is what I got back: Phyllis is thankful to not be a grouch. Debi’s thankful that she hasn’t fallen off the tightrope. Patt’s thankful for good friends, good health & the excess that is Pokeno. Marge’s thankful for family, friends & faith. Peg’s thankful for friends & enjoying life. Katie G’s thankful for friends as weird as herself. Me, I’m thankful for true friends who are REALLY there when I need them no matter what they’re going through at the time & will listen to me without running my stories back to others.

So, until next time…try not to eat to over indulge during Thanksgiving dinner. Oh…who am I kidding…go on & have 2 servings of everything!!! See you in December…

October 2008

Our annual Halloween Spooktacular was held @ Spanky’s house (Official Halloween Headquarters). The house was completely over the top decorated. When you walked up to the house, you were instantly transformed to a little kid out trick or treating - wondering if you really wanted to take candy from these wacky people. Everything looked amazing! Can you believe she did all that just a few days after having oral surgery & a massive infection? Now, that’s dedication! Even the fish got in on the act with the “Tank of Terror”! The Halloween Village was in full swing. She told us it’s called “Spooky Town” & she’s the mayor! There was one part of Spooky Town that proved most distracting. It kept making a really awful noise (aaaaeeeeeeeehhhhhh…kinda like that) & Phyllis had to shut that piece off. There are certain duties as the Mayor of Spooky Town! However, that piece is tucked into a tangle of wires & Phyllis was trying to get to the plug while not ripping off her flowing wig. That was pretty entertaining. We were able to concentrate much better after the noise stopped.

There were lots of treats to be had. Hoagies, wraps, pretzels, spinach dip, taco bake, brownies, mummy dogs, and other assorted snacks. We had Pomegranate Martinis & Bloody Mary’s to drink. Phyllis also sent us home with homemade chocolate pops & chocolate covered pretzels.

Everyone put a lot of thought into their costumes this year. We had a Gypsy (Marge) – made her own costume/accessories, Mermaid (Phyllis) – made her shell crown & choker, Shamwow! (Kate G.) – Sponge Bob…no? What the hell is a Shamwow anyway? Drag Queen (Kate L.) –stuffed 2 bras full of socks/drew on a 5 o’clock shadow/stuffed a “package” even, world’s tallest Chinese girl (me) – dress by Marge, Dominatrix (Peg) – complete w/ restraints & riding crop, and a set of long-retired Hooters Girls (Patt & Debi). Apparently Debi’s sister sent her a photo of someone with that costume & a note daring her to use this idea for her own costume. Debi’s daughter tried to convince her “Halloween is cancelled this year”! Debi’s shirt had an actual picture of an owl on it. Patt was sporting what looked a lot more like a sad kitty cat. They still looked great! Poor Kate L. was directly across from Debi (aka “Juggs”) whose extra-long lady bits proved to be quite distracting during game play. Kate said she was leaving early because of a “headache”…hmm…maybe she just couldn’t take it anymore! Also leaving at the 2 hour mark were Marge & Peg. That left 5 of us to carry on & continue the party!

For some reason, Kate G. & Debi kept hitting center all evening! At the end of the 2nd cover all, out of the 5 of us…me, Patt & Debi ALL missed the 7 of spades! WOW!!! Patt was calling that one too! Maybe it stuck to another card (Kate & Phyllis didn’t have that one) or maybe it was the ghouls haunting us in true Halloween fashion. I mean, there IS a real graveyard right out the front door! This also continued the trend of the hostess/family hitting cover alls. I wonder how Peg will fare next month. Where’s my statistics department?

NOVEMBER POKENO

Next month’s party will be held fireside @ Peg’s house on Saturday, November 15th. This is a Super Ultra Comfy party. Please come in your comfiest jammies & bring your favorite comfort food to share. Peg’s making chicken pot pie, Phyllis is making garlic smashed potatoes, I’m bringing crab dip & Marge is bringing a secret dessert.

MYSTERY BOX

I was responsible for this month’s Mystery. I went with a fall/Thanksgiving theme. Kate G. was the big winner. The box was chock full of things a proper hostess could use for a lovely Thanksgiving dinner! A turkey table runner, fall candle/centerpiece, and leaf print kitchen towel & pot holder. I also used the help of my creative assistant (Jacob) to make a cool tag for the Box. Kate G. will be responsible for bringing the next Mystery. Kate apologized in advance that her Mystery won’t be as creative as mine was, but she’ll try to provide something nice. I’m sure whatever it is will be just swell!

Again, can I please remind you ladies that it’s not a contest - it’s all about what you can throw together. Honestly, that entire Mystery cost me $11! It was all stuff I just tossed into a cart as I walked around the store. And, as always, if you really can’t think of anything…cash is always accepted (ha, ha, ha)!

TRICKS & TREATS

Trick: Patt, Kate L. & Peg thought it would be funny to scare Phyllis when she came out of the bathroom. It worked - she was totally shocked! After that, some people were too scared to go. It was quiet for awhile, and then I went to the potty. By this time, I totally forgot about the possibility of getting scarred. But, they got me. There’s photographic evidence on the side to prove it. That was the last scare of the evening, but when Marge had to go after me, she came out with extra caution!

Treat: The “Hooters Girls” came in with a cauldron. They made us all close our eyes & hold out our hands as they passed out some mysterious items. When we opened our eyes, we all thought they passed out maxi pads. Turns out these little gems are in fact Poise pads to help with “mild bladder leakage”. For those of you who missed the October party…we were having such a good time & laughing so hard that someone recommended that we should be wearing Depends in case we peed ourselves laughing.

Trick: Phyllis provided many tasty treats for us to snack on – like the pretzel tray w/ assorted dips. I mentioned earlier that she passed out yummy chocolate covered pretzels. But, I’ll tell you about one pretzel that’s NOT yummy. I picked up what I thought was a sesame seed stick, dipped in chocolate sauce & took a bite. Turns out those “seeds” were actually toasted garlic pieces! I am a true chocoholic (My name is Flicker & I have a problem). Never in my life did I imagine that chocolate could taste disgusting...but it did! Note to my future self & others – if presented with a yummy pretzel tray; be sure to fully investigate what you’re dipping where.

Treat: Thanks to Phyllis (once again) for throwing such a super swell party! For party favors, she passed around 2 bowls of goodies for us to pick our “treats” from. We also got bags full of daffodil bulbs to plant now & enjoy in spring. Oh, and a tip for you ladies who have a “damn dirty squirrels keep digging up my bulbs!!!” problem (as I do). While dropping the bulb in the hole, sprinkle garlic & cayenne pepper around. Those little fuzzy bastards don’t find either of these spices tasty, thus, leaving your bulbs alone (hopefully). I found this tip out AFTER they ate 8 outta 12 of my tulip bulbs last year!

Trick: Something always happens before Pokeno – either a lateness/absence or someone’s lost. Marge’s phone rang at 6:15 with Peg lost somewhere in the GC. Marge passes the phone off to Phyllis to give directions. Then she tells Phyllis, “Tell her to pull over, I’ll come & find her!” Keep in mind that Marge is dressed in full Gypsy regalia…I’m sure that would’ve been an interesting search party! Anyway…the Mermaid/Gypsy are directing Peg in from the porch. The rest of us are inside (drinking Pomitinis) & Kate G. thinks it would be really funny to prank call Marge’s phone. She calls & starts saying, “I know where you are & I know what you’re wearing” (thinking its Phyllis she’s talking to). Marge got all freaked out & Kate G. had to tell her what was going on. Did I mention how tasty those Pomitinis were?

OCTOBER SHOUT OUTS

Shout Out #1: Big happy birthday wishes this month to Peg! She said that she “partied all week” with various people. Maybe it was that week of partying that made her SO tired come Saturday. She also said that this was her best birthday in recent years. Hooray! Peg wore the b-day crown for a few minutes, which looked very interesting w/ her costume. I guess that made her the “Birthday Dominatrix”?

Shout Out #2: October is national Breast Cancer Awareness month. I would like to take this part of the Rag to reflect on those who have unfortunately lost their battle, and to celebrate those who have overcome & beat the crap out of their cancer. Falling in the latter category is our very own “Buddha”. As of this year, she’s officially cancer-free for 15 years! Hip Hip Hooray!

RANDOM FUNNIES

No double dipping! Phyllis told Patt & Debi to be sure they kept their boob sacks out of the food/dips/drinks/etc. The exaggerated lady parts actually wound up being a distraction to Patt & Debi too. Patt couldn’t stop playing w/ hers & Debi realized she couldn’t see the bottom ½ of her card over her enormous pillows!

Hello??? At 7:30, Debi’s phone started ringing. She checks it & starts cracking up. After she finally stopped laughing, she told us it was her calendar sending a reminder about Pokeno!

Are you confused? Maybe your card is upside down! Debi noted that she’s happy to play with the big number cards as you can’t turn them upside down. So, if anyone else out there suffers from “cardus upsidedownius”, try playing a big number card. Other matters of confusion are diagonal Pokenos & flushes. After we had this conversation about the elusive diagonal Pokeno, Debi paid attention & actually hit one! See what happens when you focus & use the force?

“Triangle”!?!? This was hollered by Kate when she really meant to say “Postage Stamp”. Yea, that makes perfect sense. Square…maybe… Either way, she had to share her triangle with Debi. Have I told you how tasty those Pomitinits were?

Damn you Sanchez!!! For the fearless 5 of you who were actually there, you’ll know that the word of the month was “Dirty Sanchez”. I was quite surprised that this wasn’t common knowledge & proceeded to share the definition with my fellow Pokeno sisters. This led to MUCHO giggling and various moustache references for the rest of the evening. And please don’t confuse this with Sanchez’ even dirtier cousin, the “Dirty Rodriguez”.

IT’S COMING…

Like it or not, the holiday season is right around the corner. I would like all of you to take this opportunity think of 3 things that you would like for the Secret Santa Pollyanna. The gift exchange won’t take place until our Christmas Party in December. But, it wouldn’t hurt (too much) to start thinking of some ideas now. During the “business” portion of November’s game, we will make our picks. There will be a $20 gift maximum. In the current economy, things are tight for everyone. So, spend whatever you can. If it’s only $5, that’s cool too. Remember that it truly is the thought that counts!

And….I’m spent… That will wrap up a spooky edition of the Rag. I don’t know how some of you will top those costumes next year, so maybe you should get started now! See you in November.