October 2008

Our annual Halloween Spooktacular was held @ Spanky’s house (Official Halloween Headquarters). The house was completely over the top decorated. When you walked up to the house, you were instantly transformed to a little kid out trick or treating - wondering if you really wanted to take candy from these wacky people. Everything looked amazing! Can you believe she did all that just a few days after having oral surgery & a massive infection? Now, that’s dedication! Even the fish got in on the act with the “Tank of Terror”! The Halloween Village was in full swing. She told us it’s called “Spooky Town” & she’s the mayor! There was one part of Spooky Town that proved most distracting. It kept making a really awful noise (aaaaeeeeeeeehhhhhh…kinda like that) & Phyllis had to shut that piece off. There are certain duties as the Mayor of Spooky Town! However, that piece is tucked into a tangle of wires & Phyllis was trying to get to the plug while not ripping off her flowing wig. That was pretty entertaining. We were able to concentrate much better after the noise stopped.

There were lots of treats to be had. Hoagies, wraps, pretzels, spinach dip, taco bake, brownies, mummy dogs, and other assorted snacks. We had Pomegranate Martinis & Bloody Mary’s to drink. Phyllis also sent us home with homemade chocolate pops & chocolate covered pretzels.

Everyone put a lot of thought into their costumes this year. We had a Gypsy (Marge) – made her own costume/accessories, Mermaid (Phyllis) – made her shell crown & choker, Shamwow! (Kate G.) – Sponge Bob…no? What the hell is a Shamwow anyway? Drag Queen (Kate L.) –stuffed 2 bras full of socks/drew on a 5 o’clock shadow/stuffed a “package” even, world’s tallest Chinese girl (me) – dress by Marge, Dominatrix (Peg) – complete w/ restraints & riding crop, and a set of long-retired Hooters Girls (Patt & Debi). Apparently Debi’s sister sent her a photo of someone with that costume & a note daring her to use this idea for her own costume. Debi’s daughter tried to convince her “Halloween is cancelled this year”! Debi’s shirt had an actual picture of an owl on it. Patt was sporting what looked a lot more like a sad kitty cat. They still looked great! Poor Kate L. was directly across from Debi (aka “Juggs”) whose extra-long lady bits proved to be quite distracting during game play. Kate said she was leaving early because of a “headache”…hmm…maybe she just couldn’t take it anymore! Also leaving at the 2 hour mark were Marge & Peg. That left 5 of us to carry on & continue the party!

For some reason, Kate G. & Debi kept hitting center all evening! At the end of the 2nd cover all, out of the 5 of us…me, Patt & Debi ALL missed the 7 of spades! WOW!!! Patt was calling that one too! Maybe it stuck to another card (Kate & Phyllis didn’t have that one) or maybe it was the ghouls haunting us in true Halloween fashion. I mean, there IS a real graveyard right out the front door! This also continued the trend of the hostess/family hitting cover alls. I wonder how Peg will fare next month. Where’s my statistics department?

NOVEMBER POKENO

Next month’s party will be held fireside @ Peg’s house on Saturday, November 15th. This is a Super Ultra Comfy party. Please come in your comfiest jammies & bring your favorite comfort food to share. Peg’s making chicken pot pie, Phyllis is making garlic smashed potatoes, I’m bringing crab dip & Marge is bringing a secret dessert.

MYSTERY BOX

I was responsible for this month’s Mystery. I went with a fall/Thanksgiving theme. Kate G. was the big winner. The box was chock full of things a proper hostess could use for a lovely Thanksgiving dinner! A turkey table runner, fall candle/centerpiece, and leaf print kitchen towel & pot holder. I also used the help of my creative assistant (Jacob) to make a cool tag for the Box. Kate G. will be responsible for bringing the next Mystery. Kate apologized in advance that her Mystery won’t be as creative as mine was, but she’ll try to provide something nice. I’m sure whatever it is will be just swell!

Again, can I please remind you ladies that it’s not a contest - it’s all about what you can throw together. Honestly, that entire Mystery cost me $11! It was all stuff I just tossed into a cart as I walked around the store. And, as always, if you really can’t think of anything…cash is always accepted (ha, ha, ha)!

TRICKS & TREATS

Trick: Patt, Kate L. & Peg thought it would be funny to scare Phyllis when she came out of the bathroom. It worked - she was totally shocked! After that, some people were too scared to go. It was quiet for awhile, and then I went to the potty. By this time, I totally forgot about the possibility of getting scarred. But, they got me. There’s photographic evidence on the side to prove it. That was the last scare of the evening, but when Marge had to go after me, she came out with extra caution!

Treat: The “Hooters Girls” came in with a cauldron. They made us all close our eyes & hold out our hands as they passed out some mysterious items. When we opened our eyes, we all thought they passed out maxi pads. Turns out these little gems are in fact Poise pads to help with “mild bladder leakage”. For those of you who missed the October party…we were having such a good time & laughing so hard that someone recommended that we should be wearing Depends in case we peed ourselves laughing.

Trick: Phyllis provided many tasty treats for us to snack on – like the pretzel tray w/ assorted dips. I mentioned earlier that she passed out yummy chocolate covered pretzels. But, I’ll tell you about one pretzel that’s NOT yummy. I picked up what I thought was a sesame seed stick, dipped in chocolate sauce & took a bite. Turns out those “seeds” were actually toasted garlic pieces! I am a true chocoholic (My name is Flicker & I have a problem). Never in my life did I imagine that chocolate could taste disgusting...but it did! Note to my future self & others – if presented with a yummy pretzel tray; be sure to fully investigate what you’re dipping where.

Treat: Thanks to Phyllis (once again) for throwing such a super swell party! For party favors, she passed around 2 bowls of goodies for us to pick our “treats” from. We also got bags full of daffodil bulbs to plant now & enjoy in spring. Oh, and a tip for you ladies who have a “damn dirty squirrels keep digging up my bulbs!!!” problem (as I do). While dropping the bulb in the hole, sprinkle garlic & cayenne pepper around. Those little fuzzy bastards don’t find either of these spices tasty, thus, leaving your bulbs alone (hopefully). I found this tip out AFTER they ate 8 outta 12 of my tulip bulbs last year!

Trick: Something always happens before Pokeno – either a lateness/absence or someone’s lost. Marge’s phone rang at 6:15 with Peg lost somewhere in the GC. Marge passes the phone off to Phyllis to give directions. Then she tells Phyllis, “Tell her to pull over, I’ll come & find her!” Keep in mind that Marge is dressed in full Gypsy regalia…I’m sure that would’ve been an interesting search party! Anyway…the Mermaid/Gypsy are directing Peg in from the porch. The rest of us are inside (drinking Pomitinis) & Kate G. thinks it would be really funny to prank call Marge’s phone. She calls & starts saying, “I know where you are & I know what you’re wearing” (thinking its Phyllis she’s talking to). Marge got all freaked out & Kate G. had to tell her what was going on. Did I mention how tasty those Pomitinis were?

OCTOBER SHOUT OUTS

Shout Out #1: Big happy birthday wishes this month to Peg! She said that she “partied all week” with various people. Maybe it was that week of partying that made her SO tired come Saturday. She also said that this was her best birthday in recent years. Hooray! Peg wore the b-day crown for a few minutes, which looked very interesting w/ her costume. I guess that made her the “Birthday Dominatrix”?

Shout Out #2: October is national Breast Cancer Awareness month. I would like to take this part of the Rag to reflect on those who have unfortunately lost their battle, and to celebrate those who have overcome & beat the crap out of their cancer. Falling in the latter category is our very own “Buddha”. As of this year, she’s officially cancer-free for 15 years! Hip Hip Hooray!

RANDOM FUNNIES

No double dipping! Phyllis told Patt & Debi to be sure they kept their boob sacks out of the food/dips/drinks/etc. The exaggerated lady parts actually wound up being a distraction to Patt & Debi too. Patt couldn’t stop playing w/ hers & Debi realized she couldn’t see the bottom ½ of her card over her enormous pillows!

Hello??? At 7:30, Debi’s phone started ringing. She checks it & starts cracking up. After she finally stopped laughing, she told us it was her calendar sending a reminder about Pokeno!

Are you confused? Maybe your card is upside down! Debi noted that she’s happy to play with the big number cards as you can’t turn them upside down. So, if anyone else out there suffers from “cardus upsidedownius”, try playing a big number card. Other matters of confusion are diagonal Pokenos & flushes. After we had this conversation about the elusive diagonal Pokeno, Debi paid attention & actually hit one! See what happens when you focus & use the force?

“Triangle”!?!? This was hollered by Kate when she really meant to say “Postage Stamp”. Yea, that makes perfect sense. Square…maybe… Either way, she had to share her triangle with Debi. Have I told you how tasty those Pomitinits were?

Damn you Sanchez!!! For the fearless 5 of you who were actually there, you’ll know that the word of the month was “Dirty Sanchez”. I was quite surprised that this wasn’t common knowledge & proceeded to share the definition with my fellow Pokeno sisters. This led to MUCHO giggling and various moustache references for the rest of the evening. And please don’t confuse this with Sanchez’ even dirtier cousin, the “Dirty Rodriguez”.

IT’S COMING…

Like it or not, the holiday season is right around the corner. I would like all of you to take this opportunity think of 3 things that you would like for the Secret Santa Pollyanna. The gift exchange won’t take place until our Christmas Party in December. But, it wouldn’t hurt (too much) to start thinking of some ideas now. During the “business” portion of November’s game, we will make our picks. There will be a $20 gift maximum. In the current economy, things are tight for everyone. So, spend whatever you can. If it’s only $5, that’s cool too. Remember that it truly is the thought that counts!

And….I’m spent… That will wrap up a spooky edition of the Rag. I don’t know how some of you will top those costumes next year, so maybe you should get started now! See you in November.