November 2009

November is time to gather together with those you care about & be thankful for what you have. Or in our case, it’s an excuse to stuff our faces @ Peg’s house. We had a true Thanksgiving feast of turkey, stuffing, veggies, potatoes, pie & other goodies. We all agreed we ate way too much & were very full by the end of the night.

Phyllis had a ladybug land on her wine glass @ the beginning of the night. She took this as a sign that she was gonna win big this time! She was also the birthday girl this month; could the combination of the two bring her extra luck? At one point during the evening, she won 4 corners & Pokeno. I guess that’s pretty good!

Peg took a moment out of the evening to make a special announcement. She noted that we haven’t seen her fish “Ophelia” since the luau @ Kate’s. Her explanation was that Ophelia is currently expecting! Unfortunately, the photo I took didn’t turn out so well, so please refer to my “artist’s rendering” over there. She & the Mystic Seahorse are looking forward to the arrival of their fishy babies.

MYSTERY BOX

I was responsible for the November Mystery. Patt was the winner! This box contained stuff to use while entertaining over the holidays – or any old weeknight would do. There was a bottle of wine, bottle of sparkling grape juice, set of stem-less wine glasses, corkscrew, recipe booklets w/ coupons, 3-D glasses (for when you’ve finished the bottle of wine/feeling silly) & something called “Drinkin’ Mate” for the hangover you may encounter the morning after enjoying this Mystery. She was excited about the wine glasses since she just broke some of the ones at her house. Patt promises something really wonderful for December!

BAH HUMBUG!

No Scrooges will be allowed at our holiday party! Bring your most festive mood to Delaware on SATURDAY, DECEMBER 12TH. You can arrive any time after 12. This doesn’t mean be there by 12, it’s pretty much open all afternoon. Since we’re spending the night, this party’s more about hanging out & playing at a more relaxed pace. Patt & Debi were nice enough to provide us all with directions on how to get there (just go straight…really). They also went over some “house rules” that we will be expected to follow. Basically, treat the house like a time-share; follow the “park rules” & please – no streaking! There are 3 bedrooms & couches to crash out on whenever you feel the need to do so. Bring your cuddly stuff & anything else you might need for the night. You might also want to pack a morning bag w/ toiletries if you wanna freshen up your skanky ass before heading back home (ha, ha, ha). We managed to assemble 2 menus for dinner & breakfast. Everyone’s responsible for something & we should have a really good time! You can read a recap of what I remember about it in this space - coming early 2010.

I’M THANKFUL FOR…

As I do every year, I took a moment to go around the table & find out what all you fine ladies are thankful for. The 2009 results are as follows: Marge is thankful for her friends for being there – especially over the last few months; Peg is thankful for the miracle of life; Debi is thankful for her “monthly escape”; Lori is thankful that we all have somewhere warm to live; Nathan & I were thankful for all the wonderful/delicious food; Patt is thankful for people who take in kids in need; Kate is thankful to finally be able to play Pokeno (after waiting a few years); Phyllis is thankful for her friends who she thinks about every day! She swore that doesn’t mean she’s stalking you…

I’m thankful that I’ve finished up another Rag! I am SO looking forward to our Holiday Slumber Party next month. Until next time, may the foxiest bitch win!

October 2009

Boo to you! I guess you can’t really scare someone in writing…so just pretend! As usual, we had our Halloween party @ Phyllis’. What a great party it was! Luckily for you guys, I can actually remember some of the things that went on! There were lots of goodies to eat. We had Bat Wings in Blood Sauce (chicken parmesan), Ghoulish Pasta, Cupcakes, Caramel Apple Bars, Brownie Bites, Cheese Ball (shaped like a pumpkin) & other yummy stuff. Phyllis also made a special cocktail called “Pond Scum”. I even got my own “virgin” version (try saying that 3 times fast). Thanks again to “Spiderella” for being such a super swell hostess!

I thought last year couldn’t be topped, but you guys really went all out with the costumes this year! In case you forgot, here’s the run-down…Kate came as a Keg (w/ beer-dispensing tap); Patt & Debi came as Condom-Mints (Heinz 57 & Classic Yellow Mustard). These costumes were discarded immediately after a photo was taken & Patt looked all over for a change of clothes. Peg came as a Kitty Cat/Cougar (depending on the situation); Phyllis was Spiderella – Queen of the Spiders; Marge was a Colonial-era Ghoul; I was a Demonic Diva w/ red buns in my hair – NOT a space princess! I also had black lips & fake eyelashes. Fake eyelashes are distracting. Not just to the wearer, but also to party guests across the table from them. Later in the evening, some of the ladies switched spots. Patt was now sitting across from me & kept staring @ my lashes. She told me to shut my eyes & started laughing! What’s so funny? This is my 1st ever attempt to wear fakies & it took 20 minutes to even apply them. Patt said she’s laughing so hard because I put them on backwards! Geez! Unfortunately, the lashes did not come w/ instructions. Most original costume of the evening HAD to be Lori’s “Chickendale” outfit! We knew we were in for something special when Peg came in w/ a boom box & music for Lori’s entrance. We were all patiently waiting & finally we hear “Hot Stuff” by Donna Summer. We were rocking out & next thing we know, there’s Lori – dancing away, doing her best “junk shake”. And by “junk”, I mean the 9-inch device in her pants! Her dancing must’ve been good, because Phyllis tipped her a dollar! The “testosterone” led Lori to make many inappropriate man comments during the night. Hopefully no one was offended too much!

Before we started playing, Phyllis brought our attention to the Pokeno Cats banner. She showed us how she fancied it up for the party. She took (removable) foam stickers & gave the cats masks and pumpkins. She assured us, “No pussies were injured in the decorating of this banner”!

Once we started playing, Phyllis was whining about wanting to call. We tried reminding her (again) that there’s an order to be followed. Whoever wins Mystery calls first, and then cards get passed (to the left) around the table until the end of the night. I went first & there were 4 people in between. It wasn’t looking very good. She was starting to get upset, but then she realized that not only would she get a chance to call, but she’d get to do the final cover all! See, we saved the best for last! She was so happy that she went around the table & gave the ladies some neck/shoulder massages! That was nice! We should have massage breaks more often!

We pulled Pollyanna this month in preparation for our Holiday party (Saturday - 12/12 @ Debi’s DE beach house). This was quite possibly the most painful Pollyanna since…oh…2 years ago! Lori went first. She checked her slip & said she had herself. So, I held the slip & had her pick again. She picked herself - again??? So, I held that slip (which really DID have her name on it), put the original slip back in the bag & had her pick for a 3rd time. She wound up w/ whoever she picked originally (not herself). A few picks later, someone else picked their name & had to re-pick. Later on, Lori’s arm cuffs were mangling her slip so badly that it actually ripped it in half! So, I set it aside on the table. At the end of the night, we were cleaning up & getting our stuff together when Patt noticed part of a slip without any writing on it. Lori tried to trade w/ her or something - I’m not really sure what happened there. But Lori did get her slip back again. At another point during the evening, Marge was looking @ her slip & noticed there were only 2 requests on it & NO name! After 1 of the ladies fessed up to doing hers that way, Marge knew who it was. That might spoil the surprise, but I’m guessing that nobody’s gonna remember who’s got who by December anyway!

MYSTERY BOX

Patt had to bring the Box for October. For the first time in almost 2 years (I’m not kidding) I actually won! I’ve provided 2 emergency Boxes for other ladies, but haven’t actually won for myself, so I was pretty excited. Inside a giant bag was a really cool pumpkin-shaped basket chock full of Halloween goodies (candy, flashlight, glow sticks, candles, tattoo & black cat candleholder). Unfortunately due to my pregnancy-induced clumsiness (‘cuz I wasn’t clumsy at all before) I dropped almost every single thing as I was opening it! Luckily I didn’t drop anything that was breakable – phew! I’m looking forward to putting together a super-swell Mystery for some lucky winner in November.

TIME TO GIVE THANKS!

We will be having our November Party @ Peg’s house. Hopefully this time it’ll be cool enough to light the fireplace! We will gather together & give thanks for good times with our friends on SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 14TH @ 5:30. Peg requested the early start (not like anyone’s really gonna be on time) so we have plenty of time to stuff our faces with a Thanksgiving Day-style feast. Peg will provide turkey & stuffing; Phyllis is making green bean casserole; Marge is making sweet potatoes; I’m making loaded mashed potatoes; Patt is making her famous pineapple pudding.

WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM MY FRIENDS

As you all know by now, Marge has recently been going through some very trying times in her personal life. In true “we got your back” fashion - the Pokeno sisters gathered together in a show of support & chipped in some of their hard-earned cash (not dimes) to present Marge with a Visa gift card. She said she’s gonna apply it towards a bill. We know that every bit helps!

After the party, Marge asked me to tell everyone how much this gift has helped her out. She’s very thankful to have you fine ladies on her side!

SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENTS

From time to time if some of you ladies have something exciting going on, I like to let everyone else know about it too. This month, I’ve got 2 announcements that may be of interest to you. If you don’t find them interesting, please feel free to move along to the next paragraph.

Announcement #1 – Electronic Recycling! Ever wonder what to do with your cell phone after you drop it in the toilet, throw it at your cat, or get a new model? Peg has the answer! She will gladly take your outdated/used cell phones & recycle them. Apparently, there’s a group that will take them, fix them up & send them to our troops serving overseas so they can use them to call home. So check around your house & encourage your friends to do the same. It’s a VERY good cause!

Announcement #2 – Church Charity Sale! Looking for some stuff? Well come on out November 7, November 21, December 5, and December 19 from 9 a.m.-12 p.m. @ Logan Memorial Presbyterian Church Thrift Store. Huge discounted prices! Shop for a large assortment of clothes/accessories, children's clothes/toys, and a variety of house wares as well as holiday items. Logan Memorial Church is located at the corner of the White Horse Pike & 18 West Merchant Street in Audubon. You can Google it & find directions from wherever you are.

Another Halloween has come & gone. A fun time was had by all (as usual). Can’t wait to see what everyone comes up with next year! Get your tummies ready for our Turkey Feast in a few weeks. Until next time, may the foxiest bitch win!

September 2009

This month, we hung out @ my house. I decided since we have to dress up next month, that I’d keep the September party super low key/no frills. We ordered takeout from my local pizza place & stuffed our faces. Kate brought a variety of chips, Phyllis made an Italian appetizer, Patt brought some fruit concoction & I made chocolate PB bars. If you ever leave out of here hungry, it’s your own damn fault!

Everyone showed up on time. We finished up around 10-something. On the first cover all, Debi hit a super-fat 4 corners & the cover all by herself! So much for the hostess luck – I guess that streak is over with. Everyone was in a pretty good mood, feelin’ mellow. I’m pretty sure a fun time was had by all. You could actually feel the love!

MYSTERY BOX

Peg was responsible for the September Mystery. What a great Mystery it was! It finally went to Patt after 3 picks & a sudden death show down. We all agreed this couldn’t have been a more perfect person to win the Foxy Survival Kit. Peg started off with a beautiful card about friendship. It went downhill from there. After opening the first few items & cracking up, Patt said, “I can’t go on! I’m gonna pee myself!” She didn’t actually pee herself & managed to continue opening her goodies. Patt noted that since she’s such a “pin head” she’ll never be able to put together such an extravagant Mystery to compete w/ this most recent gift of Peg’s. I’m sure whatever Patt chooses to do will be just wonderful! Again, please remember - no pressure!

HALLOWEEN PARTY

Can you believe it’s (almost) Halloween already??? We will be having our party on SATURDAY, 10/24 - 6:00 @ “The Queen of Halloween” (Phyllis’) house. Unlike the toga party, you will NOT be able to miss her house this time as she will have the biggest, craziest stuff all over her lawn. She’ll probably have the cemetery fence up. Just don’t get confused & wander over to the REAL cemetery across the street! Please remember that costumes are MANDATORY! Last year was so great, I can’t wait to see how everyone’s gonna dress up this year!

We managed to discuss some food. Menu so far is Mummy Dogs, Bat Wings in Blood Sauce (Chicken Parm), Spooky Pasta, Caramel Apple Bars, Vampire Cupcakes & some other various scary appetizers.

PUT YOUR THINKIN’ CAPS ON

I know, it’s only September…who wants to think about Christmas? Well, you’re gonna have to think about it. We will be picking our Secret Santa’s during the Halloween party. So, I’m asking you to think of 3 things in advance so you’re not stumped while you’re sitting at the table. I’ll pass out slips during business & we can draw during our halftime extravaganza. There will be a $25 maximum. Gifts will be exchanged @ our Holiday party. This year to be held overnight in beautiful Delaware! I know most of you have been good girls this year so think real hard...ok…not THAT hard – I can smell smoke coming out of your ears…

SUPER SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT

Just a reminder to you all…I will be bringing a very special guest w/ me to Pokeno for the next 7 months! Ian & I are very excited to be bringing another rocker into the world. Here’s hoping that this pregnancy/delivery is a bit easier than the 1st one was! I’ll be sure to keep y’all updated as I go through the process. Thank you in advance for understanding my moodiness, emotional craziness, extra pigging out, etc. over the next few months. I might have to take some time off toward the end or after delivery (depending on how I’m feeling), but I’ll cross that bridge when I get to it.

The best thing about this announcement has to be how I broke the news. After trying super hard to keep a secret to be able to tell everyone @ the same time, I realized some of you already knew my news. I planned an elaborate speech during the business portion, but that morning, I decided to do something even more fun – I took a picture. My favorite has to be the look on Peg’s face! Lori & Phyllis look surprised too. Lori told me after that, I’m never gonna be able to take another group photo because they’re gonna think I have some big news. I assured everyone that this is the last kid, so I’ll never be dropping that line again!

RANDOM FUNNIES

What’s it Called? Someone said, “I got ALL five!” Yup, that’s called a FLUSH! I guess we should be thankful that they had 5 instead of 4!

Lamest Excuse Ever! Someone couldn’t call their center “because of a full mouth”! Please note, if you are experiencing “full mouth syndrome” during game play, you may use charade moves to get your point across. Feel free to wave your arms, jump up & down or whatever else you feel will get you 5 seconds of attention to take your pot.

And that will wrap up September with a nice little bow. It was a bit short this month. I’m sure there will be lots of fun stuff to write/read about next month from the Halloween party. So, get to work on your costume (if you haven’t already) & I’ll see you @ Phyllis’ “crypt”. Until next time, may the foxiest bitch win!

August 2009

This month, we partied @ Kate’s Tiki Bar for our annual end of summer Luau. We had lots of yummy stuff to eat. At the end of the night (w/ a full belly), Peg says, “Why do we eat so much?” Um, that’s just how we roll! This time, we had chicken kabobs, ham, pupu balls (slightly over soaked in the whisky mix), a tiki cake & delicious cool whip/fruit concoction. We had a list of cocktails that were fixed by “Mix Master” Roger. Thanks again to Kate & Roger for being such super swell hosts!

Some of the ladies were running late this time. Imagine! I guess we got spoiled after the Toga Party when everyone was early. While we were waiting, we were talking about various Pokeno-related things. One was an early start time of 5:00. The early start would allow those who have to work/have plans on Sunday/will turn into a pumpkin @ 11:00 to get out earlier. When we started doing business, Patt & Debi brought up that they’d like to have a later start of 6:30. Debi said, “Well, maybe just 6:30 start for the rest of summer?” That’s fine considering that this is the last game of the summer & they showed up after 6:30 anyway! So we decided on an official time of 6:30 for August! From now on, if you wanna show up any time after 5:00, that’s fine. I know how excited everyone is to get together. We’ll still keep our 6:00 time w/ game start @ 6:30-ish. We’ll continue to get in 1 cover all & see if anyone wants to leave. That’s still an option. If you’re running late, that’s fine too – just remember to call/text so we don’t get worried. The other issue brought up was what to do w/ leftovers. Should we save up for a free night? Should the hostess keep? Should we put in cover all? A free night sounds nice. The problem w/ the hostess thing (Devil’s Advocate Lori) is not everyone hosts. Therefore, not fair to those who can’t host. Ok, that’s out. In the end, we decided on leftovers in the cover all (thanks to Roger’s suggestion). In the event that it’s a split, draw a card & highest one wins! Funny thing is that after all this discussion; there weren’t any leftovers this time!

Speaking of coveralls…we managed to get in 2 this month even w/ our late start. I called the 1st one. I went through the whole deck & 2 ladies each missed a card. The 6 of us w/ that last card split. Then we broke for dessert & played another round. I passed off to Kate, and then it went all the way around to Phyllis before someone wanted to call the last hand. And she thought she wasn’t gonna get a chance to call! This one was a 3 way split! We wrapped up around 10:30-ish. A nice night was had by all!

MYSTERY BOX

This month, Marge was responsible for the Mystery. However, in her current situation, we all understood that she didn’t have time/mental ability to put one together. Luckily for her/you guys, I had a back up Mystery all ready to go. It’s been SO long since I’ve actually won a Box that I had something good saved up. I packed up a brand new polka dot box chock full of all kinds of stuff you could use for a road trip. Inside was a few CD’s, snacks, a Mom/Wow sticker, various maps, note cards, a keychain, air fresheners, hand wipes (in case of sticky palms), magazines (if stuck in traffic only) & a $10 gas card. Here’s the part that’s really weird. Peg told us that she “had a dream” she was gonna win this month. She picked the 1st card & told the rest of us not to bother! Of course, we all picked anyway. And she was right; she had the Ace of Spades (start singing Kate)! Even funnier is the keychain is a dream catcher very similar to the one hanging over Peg’s bed! Then she tells us that her sister’s coming up soon & when she does, they were planning on a road trip. I guess it was meant to be!

SEPTEMBER POKENO

After much discussion, we hammered out the rest of our parties for 2009. Debi was going to host in September, but the week she wanted is the Dover race (tons o’ traffic), plus her in-laws will be there, etc. We figured that won’t work. So we decided that I’ll host the party SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 19TH @ 6:00. Since we’re gonna have to dress up in October, this party will be super chillaxed, no frills, come in your comfy outfits. Also, please bring a few bucks to chip in for pizza/something delivered.

Here’s a little peek at our next few parties. Of course our October party will be hosted by “Queen of Halloween” Phyllis. Peg will be hosting a Thanksgiving party in November & we decided that the sleep over @ Debi’s would be best for our Christmas party. This should work out well as we can take our time w/ gifts & still get in a few rounds. We plan on having our holiday party early in the month to avoid any bad weather/holiday schedule conflicts. Dates/menus will be provided as these parties get closer.

PEG’S SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT

When she got here, Peg couldn’t wait to tell us some big news about her Mystic Seahorse. After we all got settled & done discussing business, she was pleased to announce that her seahorse found love on top of her dresser. His love interest is a “blowfish” w/ a giant hole. It’s actually a shirt decoration. Peg was planning on wearing it w/ her island ensemble, but just couldn’t get it to work. That’s when the sea creatures eyes locked & they knew they were destined to swim together forever! This led to many jokes, such as “love @ 1st blow” & “like throwing a hot dog down a hallway”. The jokes & dirty positioning led to a fit of laughter at the table. I think this will be the latest addition to Peg’s lucky charms.

RANDOM FUNNIES

Whaddya Call It? Peg was looking for a lighter & says, “Does someone have one of those fire things”? This was even before we started playing! We all got a kick out of this & the new word stuck for the rest of the night.
Who Shot Roger Rabbit? This is what Debi shouted out after Roger was over @ the bar opening a bottle & it popped really loud. Nobody really got shot & no cartoons were injured.

It either is or isn’t! Patt was in the middle of playing when she said, “Like a postage”! This was immediately followed up w/ Phyllis singing, “Hey! Licked for the very 1st time”! Patt really did have the Postage & managed to collect her money while we were all chuckling.

Who Put That On? Well into the evening, Debi looks over her shoulder, sees the rotating light & says, “How long has that been on for?” Um, it’s been on all night! Glad to see you’re paying attention… There were lots of funny comments made about this one. However, I was laughing & writing & I couldn’t write fast enough because I was laughing so hard.

Crotch Crickets? Apparently it has something to do w/ crabs. I’m not really sure what exactly spurred this, but I do know it came outta Phyllis’ mouth & it was hella funny!

Put up your defenses! As you know, Kate has a few pets. 2 of those pets are tiny little dogs who like to rummage through trash for tiny pieces of chicken & wait for you to drop crumbs on the floor. After our dessert break; Patt, Marge & Debi put their cake plates on the side table so they could munch later/take it home. At one point during the game, Patt had to jump up from the table to fend off the hounds. She said, “I’m defending my cake”! Just goes to show you the lengths women will go to save chocolate!

SHOUT OUTS

Shout out #1 – we have 2 birthdays this month! Kate who celebrated on 8/3 & our newest addition, Lori who celebrates on 8/23. I recently got a new birthday crown for the ladies – since the last one kinda got bent & tore up beyond repair. This one’s a bit more heavy duty. I was originally looking for an actual rhinestone tiara thing, but they’re a bit pricey. Phyllis mentioned checking AC Moore’s wedding section for one. Brilliant! Next time I get a coupon, I’m there! Then, you can have a choice of which one to wear, or if there’s more than 1 b-day that month, you each get one!

Shout out #2 – Debi announced that her hubby decided to get a loan, cut down a bunch of trees on their property & install grass/landscaping. Why would someone do this sort of thing? Turns out he got this idea after he found the “Bad Boy” lawn mower & had to have a new toy! I found photographic evidence of this mower & put it on the side over there so you can all see the monster that is!

Shout out #3 – At the Toga Party, Lori was so happy to become part of the group that she made some goodie bags for us. Unfortunately, the game that Lori had been to previously, there were only a few of us playing & she didn’t realize there were 8 of us total. Because of this, some of the ladies missed out on yummy chocolate covered pretzels/Oreo cookies. She felt SO bad about this that she bought a few boxes of “fancy” candy to give to those who got skipped last month. She even wrote out nice little cards (Peg shared hers w/ the group). Thanks again to Lori for being so thoughtful. You’re a welcome addition to the table!

FINAL THOUGHT

We’ve had some bad news within the Pokeno Sisterhood recently. If you were @ the party – you know what’s up & I’m leaving it at that. I’d just like to take a moment to thank each & every one of you fine ladies for being the best possible support group around! It’s nice to know that in a fellow sister’s time of need, you’re there for a shoulder to cry on, a hug, a laugh, or in some cases – offers of super glue & firecrackers. I think it’s really swell to know we can depend on each other in times of need.

Ok, ok, enough of the mushy crap! Enjoy the last few days of summer. Hopefully I’ll see y’all in September. Until then, may the best bitch win!

July 2009

Its toga time once again! You might remember all the drama we experienced during last year’s party - or maybe you blocked it out & it’ll come back later in a therapy session. I’m pleased to say that Toga Fest 2009 went off perfectly & a super swell time was had by all. What a difference a year & a change of players can make! One of the most notable changes this year was a new face at the table. That face belongs to Lori. This was her first “official” game. She got right into the spirit of the evening – putting panties on her head & sharing her vodka w/ Phyllis. What’s that? Bet you can’t take a shot from the bottle without having your lips touch it? Spanky thought they said take the shot without hands (oops). Good thing alcohol kills germs! Marge was the only one who captured photographic evidence of Phyllis’ unknown talent (bottle chugging). However, it was an action shot & didn’t turn out fit to print here on the Blog. I’m pretty sure that image will be burned into your memories for a long time to come anyway!

Phyllis hung up the official toga banner again this year. Debi didn’t car pool w/ Patt & got a bit lost when she pulled up. She went to the house next door! She went to knock on the door, but noticed a sign w/ someone else’s last name on it. This saved her from some embarrassment. Patt said, “You didn’t see the giant banner on the front porch?” Not until she left the neighbor’s house! I’m also pleased to announce that Peg found her way to Phyllis’ house this time without having to be rescued or flagged in by her fellow Pokeno sisters. Everyone was there by 5:30 at the latest. This allowed some of us to enjoy some time in the pool & to chow down on crabs, salads & other goodies before we started playing. We played a cover all & took a break. While we were outside enjoying the summer breeze (makes me feel fine), Peg, Lori & Marge were relaxing/napping in the living room. Patt brought glow bracelets for everyone. We were wearing them in the tent in the dark. When you talk w/ your hands & have glow bracelets on, it’s kinda trippy! This turned into a “tent rave”. We were all waving our arms around having a good time. It’s amazing how easily amused we are!!!

Cosmo had goodies for everyone! She bought gold mugs & personalized them w/ foxy stickers complete w/ our pledge names. Unfortunately, Lori doesn’t have a pledge name yet. Phyllis said she needs some time to get to know Lori better. One thing’s for sure, she’s giving Debi (aka “Juggs”) a run for her money. Can we make Lori “Juggs Part Deux” or maybe “Revenge of the Juggs”? Kate also made delicious Lemontinis to put in our cups. Everyone thought these drinks were most refreshing. We all had some while we lounged in the pool before we started the game. Phyllis hand-crafted wine charms for us. We each chose one to put on our mug straw. There was even a seahorse for Peg! At the end of the night, Lori gave us all bags w/ chocolate covered pretzels & Oreo cookies as a “thank you” for letting her join our special group. Spanky passed out goodie bags too. Inside the bag was a bunch of home-made soaps, bath salt, fizzies & even a “menu” on how to use what product! Not only did she craft the goodies, but she did up the bags & tissue paper w/ our Greek letters.

PANTY RAID

At last year’s toga party, Phyllis had a hazing ritual for all of us where we swore our allegiance to the Sisterhood of Foxy Bitches. This year, Phyllis planned a “panty raid”. She had a pair of panties for each of us (licorice, giant bloomers, bedazzled thongs, candy & edible varieties). Whenever someone hit the Center pot, they got to choose whose panties they were gonna raid. At the end of the night, Phyllis had a special gift for the winner. I had top secret pre-party info about this game & spotted the pair that I wanted (candy). I turned into “Snatchy McGrabs Alot” & grabbed ‘em right up! Everyone else was jealous of my panties & they were taken away right quick. The candy panties were quite popular & went around the table. Eventually I got them back. I’m pretty sure that everyone (besides Cosmo) had them at one point or another. The licorice panties were taken by Marge at the beginning of the night. Later on, Patt took them – but got freaked out (they oozed around in their package) & tried to return them to Marge & pick again. Just like in real life, there are no refunds or returns on undergarments. Kate tried to tell Patt to put them in her snack drawer…or should you keep them in the fridge?

Peg was dubbed “The Panty Queen” by Lori. When she got her 5th pair (off of Lori’s head) – she said, “Ooh! They’re hot!” At the end of the night, it was a 3-way tie between me, Patt & Peg. We had 2 pairs each. We drew cards to choose the winner & “The Panty Queen” won! It was a bag w/ lavender Yankee candle & some other stuff that I didn’t write down, so hopefully you remember the rest.

GETTIN’ LEI’D @ THE TIKI BAR

Again we will have our end of summer luau at Kate’s house. Be there to get lei’d on SATURDAY, AUGUST 15TH @ 6:00. If you need directions, please let me know. Kate will be mixing drinks & I’ll be making pupu balls again. Not sure what else is on the menu just yet, but I’ll be sending you an update as the party gets closer. Kate is also hopeful that her hot tub will be up & running for the party. If you’re interested, bring your bathing suit as skinny dipping is NOT allowed!

MYSTERY BOX

Patt was responsible for the July Mystery. She had a bit of help from Bob A (special thanks to you too sir). She managed to keep the same box, paper & bow from the last Mystery. Plus, she added a decorative touch of wreath leaves on top. I still can’t believe that paper has been going around since our St. Patty’s party! Marge was the winner this time around. The box was chock full of summer fun goodies. Giant sunglasses, a head wreath (for the toga party), flip flops, Ocean Moods CD, sun block (very important!), vanilla incense coil, mini 1st aid kit & a friend banner.

SOMETHING TO PONDER…

I’m sure you’ve all heard tales of Debi’s beach house in Delaware. If not, ask her & she’ll tell you all about it. Anyway…Debi was nice enough to offer up the use of her beach house for a special Pokeno sleepover. If you’re interested, we can make this our official September game house. We can play a few rounds; have a few drinks, maybe even drive into Ocean City, MD for dinner/lunch/etc. This trip will absolutely call for carpooling. I just want y’all to think about it, we can discuss it further during our allotted “business” time in the August game.

DONATIONS NEEDED!

Lori volunteers for her church. Part of her volunteer work includes running a church thrift store kind of thing. Like all good charities, they need donations. So, if you have anything laying around your house (except furniture) that you’d like to get rid of, please bring your items to Pokeno for Lori & she’ll take it for her church. I can’t guarantee that this good deed will get you into heaven - but it’s worth a shot. Worst case scenario, you’ll free up some space in your closet/drawers/basement/attic.

RANDOM FUNNY

The age old question – Just how do you keep men from staring at your boobs? Lori brought this up. Geez, I wonder why men are so distracted while talking to her. Is it her personality (not that it’s not great)? Nah, it’s probably her giant chest pillows! Anyway…Lori says the way to get men to talk to your face instead of your chest is to stare/talk @ their package. If that still doesn’t work, go grab a magnifying glass or tape measure & start to further investigate the package site.

SUMMER BEAUTY TRICKS

Its summertime & that means you’ve probably been outdoors in the sun lately. You probably forgot to apply the sunscreen once or twice too. If you’ve had too much fun in the sun & find yourself a little red, try this home-made recipe for a Sunburn Mist to cool off!

2 fluid ounces of distilled water
9 drops of lavender
2 drops of peppermint
1 drop of spearmint

Mix together & mist lightly over your sun-burned skin. A cool shower & some aloe would help too…

If you’ve been swimming in a pool this summer, or your hair is feeling a bit dry, try this treatment to keep hair happy and healthy.

1 egg
1 eggshell's worth of olive oil
1 quarter of a peeled cucumber

Blend the egg, olive oil and peeled cucumber. Spread evenly through your hair, leave on for 10 minutes, and then thoroughly rinse. If you don’t rinse well, you’re probably gonna stink!

And that will wrap up another month of fun & frivolity. I have to say that the last few months have been nothing but good times (hooray)! Let’s keep up the good work ladies! See y’all next time & may the best bitch win!

June 2009

It’s the end of spring & that means it’s time for our birthday/tea party @ Patt’s house. It rained the whole morning leading up to the party. Actually, I think it rained every day that week. Anytime we tried to get things situated in the car, move things around, leave from one house to the other, it would start pouring! It did let up a bit on the way there. When we went out back to see Bob’s Woodland Creature Wonderland, the sun even came out for a few minutes. We had a pretty dry ride home – until we hit Center City. We had lots of good goodies to eat - sandwiches, desserts & salads (oh my). One of the sammiches Kate did was a PB & Honey sandwich on wheat. Probably the simplest one there & it wound up being the one we all raved about. Phyllis couldn’t stop eating the curry chicken ones! We wound up w/ 2 cakes & sugar-free raspberry mini cheesecakes. Phyllis did an amazing basket weave floral cake. Debi thought it would be cute to pick up an official “Happy Birthday” cake & candles. Somewhere between the bakery & PA, the cake was jostled around in the car & got a bit smashed up. While I was taking photos of all the delicious food stuff Debi says, “Make sure you get the good side!” Speaking of getting smashed up – I took a dessert plate home. It was on the floor under my feet. Do you see where I’m going w/ this??? We stopped for a minute & I wanted to grab my phone out of the trunk. As I went to get out of the car, my foot went straight into the middle of the plate! Cheesecake does NOT stand up well to a stomping!

For some reason or another, everything from the decorations to Patt’s gift(s) matched her lovely lady outfit. She wasn’t planning on dressing up, but when she saw us get out of the car looking so lady-like, she decided to change into a 2-pc green jacket/skirt with butterflies & flowers embellishing it. Marge wore a lovely pink ensemble. Cosmo rocked the “Donna Reed” look w/ her blue & white polka dot frock. Phyllis was ravishing in a red floral print dress, red hat/gloves & boa! I was leaning a bit more toward “lady of the night” with my leopard print sundress & matching spotted hat. Peg-a-la wore a very nice pants suit w/ lacy/floral shirt. Everyone was lovely indeed!

Buddha & Bob were wonderful hosts. We had some foam tumblers to decorate & fake tattoos to apply. Spanky was really excited to do hers, but didn’t know how. Since I know a thing or 2 about tattoos, I helped give her “kissy fish”! After Phyllis went to show off her tattoo, everyone else lined up to do theirs. Problem was that nobody @ the party (but me & Debi) knew how to apply the fake ink. I then turned into the official tattoo artist & hooked everyone up. Debi did her own on her arm. Marge (“The Riveter”) did an armband too. Peg put a butterfly on her wrist. Cosmo did a sailor star that matched her outfit very well. When Bob came home, all the ladies showed him their artwork & thanked him for buying them for the party. He was upset because he thought HE would get to be the tattoo artist!

Before we started playing, we had lunch/dessert & opened presents. My gift came from Peg. This is the 3rd time (outta 4) that Peg had me for Pollyanna! I asked for fresh flowers – never considering how I’d get them back home again! Peg thought of all that & had a whole set up. She arranged them before presenting them. They were a lovely combo of roses & lilies. I had Patt (again!). Since I washed her slip, I could only remember 1 thing on her list – sun block! Patt likes nothing better than running off to the beach, so I thought the perfect gift was a “Beach Getaway” bag. Or as Debi called it, “her ready bag”! Everything she could possibly need for a weekend @ the beach house. Funny thing about this gift…I was going w/ this idea for a while & decided to make a door sign. Marge has spares, so I asked if I could have one. I told her what it was for/what I was doing, etc. She started cracking up! Apparently, she had a similar idea for her Pollyanna (Phyllis). Phyllis loves to hang @ her pool so Marge put together a pool bag w/ hat, glasses, pomegranate martinis & a bunch of other goodies. Patt had Marge. She got a gift card. Phyllis had Peg. She gave her a card about humping a leg & eating your cake too! Too funny! There was a special “Shiatzu Blend” of coffee beans (push the “nose button”) & Spanky-crafted purple jewelry (earrings & bracelet). Phyllis says, “purple is for passion”! Kate had Debi this time. She put together a “Crafting Inspiration Bag” w/ 2 bottles of wine. I wouldn’t recommend drinking them both before crafting, or you might wake up hung over the next day finding you’ve glued all your Popsicle sticks to your cat! And, Debi had Kate! She gave her a cheese crumb cake (Kate requested baked goods), detoxifying bath salts (no “nose hole” on this) that had a really nice ginger scent, box of Calgon (take her away), recycled dish towel & body pouf. To top it all off, Debi included a Sham Wow! Very nice!

A while back, Peg gave Marge a cross stitch of a gang of cowboy cats. As Marge was doing it, she realized there’s one cat for each of the Pokeno ladies. She had Jacob pick out what cat was for whom & stitched our names underneath. Across the top she did “The Pokeno Cats”. Whoever is hostess for that month will proudly display our freak flag when we play, keep it for the month & be responsible to bring it along to our next game to pass along to the next hostess.

Before the game started, Phyllis & I were outside enjoying a cigar in between raindrops. Phyllis starts telling me she “has a feeling” that she’s “gonna take everyone’s money”! I do remember that during the game, Spanky “spanked” us a bit. Big winners were in the first round. The 4 corners pot had the same amount as the cover all! I can’t believe we went a whole game without one of us hitting the 4 corners at least once! Marge won the super fat 4 corners pot & Kate won the cover all for that round. I gave up after that & don’t remember who won the other cover all. All I know is one of you ladies have quite a few of my dimes! All in all, everyone seemed to have a really good time – as usual!

MAJOR ANNOUNCEMENT

(Horn noises) Doo doo do doo, do do doo doo do! Use your imaginations people… We had an unofficial game in May because the Sarge & Major Juggs were cruising the 7 seas. So, the rest of us gathered @ my house for a super relaxed game. Peg called me ahead of time (as proper Pokeno etiquette requires) to see if it would be ok to bring her friend Lori. I’ve met her before & I know she’s cool, so I had no problem w/ her joining the group. Spanky promised to be on her best behavior.

Lori fit in perfectly right away & we all had such a good time that we decided to put up an official vote to add her to the group. As you know, Pita is no longer playing and it’s been a year since what’s her name came back to play for a few months before deciding to remove herself from the table. That means we’re technically down 2 players. Adding one more player is a good thing. Even though those of us @ the May party all agreed, this is a democracy & we had to consult w/ the other ladies. I am pleased to announce that Lori’s membership was put up for a yes or no vote & EVERYONE said “yes”! Who says you can’t get 7 ladies in a room to agree on something? Lori’s first official game will be next month @ the Toga party. There’s a heck of a way to be inducted. But, I guess if you can handle that – you can handle anything!!!

TOGA TIME!!!

For July’s party, Spanky will once again be hosting us for a toga party. Wear your tunic (hopefully you’ve saved it from last year) & your bathing suit. Here’s hoping this year will be far less drama filled than last year. No party crashers this time please! Spanky promises there won’t be any beatings (unless of course you’re into that kind of thing). Now that we’ve all been officially sworn in as sisters – we don’t need to go through the hazing process again.

Come to Phyllis’ house SATURDAY, JULY 25TH. If you’d like to go swimming or just hang out a bit early, get there @ 5:00. If you’d rather not swim/can’t be there that early/etc. please get there for our usual 6:00 start time. We will be dining on steamed crabs, burgers, fried tomatoes, corn & other goodies.

MYSTERY BOX

Debi was responsible for providing the Mystery for the month of June. She again managed to salvage some of the paper from the last 2 Boxes, plus the bow from the last Mystery. While pointing out her recycling skills, Debi told us that she took an afternoon w/ her granddaughter to plant some of the seeds from her Box – hence the big muddy kid-sized hand print on the side of the Box! She also said that some of the seeds have started to sprout! Pretty cool!

Anyway, we went around the table & picked. For some reason, I think we picked twice. The hostess luck sure was with Patt this time as she was the big winner! I don’t think she’s won in a while. So Debi passes off the Box & says, “Here you go, it’s redundant!” Huh??? As Patt starts going through the Box, we start to notice a theme VERY similar to Patt’s b-day gift! It was a box full of summer goodies - book for the beach, towel, sun block, etc. She can dump that stuff into her beach bag & be twice as ready for a weekend getaway!

RANDOM FUNNIES

Cruisin’ – As you may have heard, Debi & Patt went on a Caribbean cruise this month. They were nice enough to bring all of us back a little bit of paradise with our own flip flop key chain. Thanks again ladies! They said the cruise was nice. However, the Norwegian food that was offered wasn’t so appealing. Lucky for them they found a place to get burgers/pizza. We all got to see pictures before we left. Beautiful sunset shots from a rum cruise. Other shots included towel animals, beaches, cabana boys…just kidding! A good time was had by all & they highly recommend that we all take one.

Can a Seahorse get a lap dance? After the first cover all, Phyllis felt she needed a bit more luck. She decided to steal the Mystic Seahorse from Peg. She put it on her chair, sat on it & proceeded to give the seahorse a “lap dance”. Does a seahorse even have a lap? Maybe it should’ve been a tail dance?

And with that, I will end this month’s Rag. I don’t know about you ladies, but I’m looking forward to that conga line next month! See you then!

April 2009

Editor’s note: A good time was had by all! I had too much of a good time & wasn’t feeling so hot by the end of our late night festivities. Cocktails & allergy medicine never mix. So, I sat down to compose this month’s Rag & as I’m reviewing my notes, there are parts (toward the mid-end of night) that I honestly don’t even know what the notes are for. My apologies in advance for any factual errors or missing items, continuing on…

This month, we played @ Peg’s house. It was a really lovely day, followed by an evening of fun, merriment & many jokes. The living room was fully decorated w/ balloons & sparklers (that we set off @ the end of the night). Peg was a great hostess in her Jester/Joker outfit. She had a big list of jokes & a horn that she would blow whenever it was time for another funny. After about 3 or 4 blows, it stopped working – Peg threw the horn & wanted her money back! Good thing Phyllis brought that microphone, Peg could use that instead. Peg noted that for some reason, everyone’s always all hyped up when we play @ her house. I jokingly suggested that her house was built on some ancient Indian burial site (too many horror flicks for me). That led to Peg telling us about how gypsies used to live on the site where her house is now built. She swears this is true, so that might explain a lot!

Everyone had a joke to tell or came in some sort of costume. Phyllis dressed up as a Whoopie cushion w/ a fart machine. She went around hugging & farting right from the door! Marge put last month’s mystery box to use by wearing her bunny ears & making a shirt w/ the pasties. Cosmo & I came as a couple of cone heads. Consume mass quantities – boy howdy!!! Our costumes were super cheesy, but we meant well. I had a black cone & Kate had a white one. She meant to paint the cone a flesh-tone prior to the party but never quite got around to it. This left her cone looking more like one belonging to a Grand Wizard & not Beldar. The costumes lasted for a photo or two, and then we got comfy & got down to business.

Before we started Marge & I both had goodies to pass out. Marge got crafty again & made little purses for us. Only the purses are made out of bras! Everyone got a specialized bag to start off. I made Easter eggs for everyone. I decorated the outsides & filled the insides w/ a springtime chip, chocolate & a round of game play on me. Debi & Phyllis both won while using the egg dimes. At the end of the night, Debi was complaining about being “low on dimes”? WTF??? Seriously??? Her cup was filled to the brim! Then she goes on to hit almost every pot during the last cover all & I’m not kidding…her cup overflowed & she couldn’t get the lid back on it again! (Note photographic evidence on the side) Maybe she can cash in some of those dimes to put toward her cruise w/ Patt. The hostess mojo was in full force again this month as Peg (also using my dimes) won both coveralls!

Since it was such a lovely evening (80’s that day) – we had to wait a while before we could turn on the oven to make pizzas. But it was well worth the wait. They all turned out yummy & delicious! We also had an assortment of fresh fruit & veggies to snack on. As usual, we didn’t starve!

One last announcement from the door! Debi got a phone call from her daughter while we were playing. Sarah was calling to tell her that as of May, she will be home from Iraq for good! This led to a round of “Hip, Hip Hooray!” from all of us. We’re all glad to see Sarah coming home safely. Thanks to her & the rest of our men/women who are currently serving our country!

MAY POKENO

Patt & Debi will be on a tropical cruise during the month of May. Therefore, they will be unavailable to play this month. The rest of us decided that we’ll be playing SATURDAY, MAY 16TH @ my house. This will be super-duper low key/no frills Pokeno. Come in t-shirt & jeans or your most comfy outfit. Please bring a few extra bucks so we can order some food. Not cooking is all part of this no fuss Pokeno!

ANOTHER ADVENTURE IN WONDERLAND

I swear it took me like ½ an hour to make announcements/discuss business! But, in the end, we got it all done (of course). Even though Patt & Debi will be away in May, Patt has once again graciously offered up her humble abode for our June party. We all had so much fun last year w/ the tea party & birthday exchange that we decided to do it again this year! We drew our Pollyanna’s & will bring gifts to the tea party. Come in your fanciest lady-like attire & prepare to party like its 1899!

We haven’t set a date as of the writing of the Rag. We did sort of agree on the end of June. Actual date & menu updates will follow accordingly.

MYSTERY BOX

Marge was responsible for the April Mystery. It has to be a new record for size/weight! She even managed to salvage some of the paper from March’s Mystery to recycle. We did the first drawing to see who the winner would be. Phyllis won. But, she decided that since she’s won so many, she’d pass it for someone else to have a chance. How thoughtful! So again we go ‘round the table & pick cards. This time, Debi was the winner! She was so excited to see what was inside the giant box…

Inside…Marge made a “diorama” using a gallon of spring water dressed w/ gloves, a hat & face to make it look like a person. She stuck the water to a knee pad & covered the pad w/ various garden seeds. She also put in a decorative fence, tools, tool bag & a pinwheel-type device.

Since Debi will be taking off in the month of May, the next Mystery Box will not be due until the June party. Maybe she’ll bring back a dolphin from her cruise! That would be fun!

JOKES

As previously stated above in my “Editor’s Note”, I can’t remember half the shit that happened during the evening. I was supposed to be noting the different jokes that Jester Peg was telling. I managed to recover 2 from my scribbling. One was about a blond nurse (there were a few blond jokes) & a black box? I think there was something about a magic marker or something too? See, I told you I was wacked…

I do remember the 2nd one. What do shingles & fatties have in common? They both wanna get nailed! Ooh, wait, here’s another scribbling about Frito Lay chips…what is that? Maybe it was because of all the chips on the floor? Hopefully y’all can remember the other funnies, because I sure as hell can’t!

RANDOM FUNNIES

Sorry, wrong game! Early in the evening, Patt got Pokeno, but yelled “Bingo!” instead. Huh? Oh, that was HER joke!

Sorry, wrong language! For some reason or another, someone said “ooh la la” at one point during the evening. This was followed up by someone else thinking that was Mexican… Just for the record, “ooh la la” is French, not Mexican. I’m not even sure if Mexican is a language – but it is in fact a delicious type of food!

Who’s that lady? Someone told Patt that she looked like Meryl Streep in “Mamma Mia”. We then had to explain that this was a compliment as her role in that movie was one of a super independent kick-ass woman. Also in this category is Debi’s new nickname “Major Juggs”! Not sure how or why that came up, but it did.

What’s that card? It was late in the evening when Cosmo finally got her turn to call. As she was also playing the part of a cone head, she consumed mass quantities with me. Slightly…no…quite intoxicated, she took her turn calling the cards. Good thing she holds them up, or we would have been really bad off when she called a “Jack of dimes”! This was followed with a “4 of nickels”! Oh boy…

Where do you keep your wand? This innocent enough question was asked & the response was “in your magnetized snatch”! WTF??? Again, I have to say that I neglected to note who said what, but I do remember laughing so hard I cried! Maybe we should all keep our wands on the table where everyone can see them?

That will round out this month’s edition of the Rag. Thanks again to Jester Peg-a-la for a most enjoyable party! Bon voyage to Patt & Debi – enjoy your trip & come back w/ lots of stories!

I’m taking a Rag break for May’s game – so I’m signing off until June’s B-day Tea Party. See y’all soon!

March 2009

We’re goin’ green! Our St. Patrick’s extravaganza was held this year at Cosmo’s tiki bar. You were greeted at the door by a rainbow which you followed through the kitchen, down the stairs & into the basement – where “treasure” awaited you! Everyone had a different interpretation of what their treasure was. Of course we had lots of good food (ham, sausage/cheese balls, pineapple pudding, twizzlers in tiki heads). Kate even provided Lucky Charms & Skittles. More about them later… Peg & I had our “Irish Princess” tiaras from last year’s party so we decided to bust ‘em out again this year. All the lassies came in their green finest! Everyone but Pita showed up this month. The ladies seemed very relaxed & all enjoyed the evening. Although, there was a guest bartender leprechaun (Roger) who was mixing drinks…that may have had something to do with it!

Cosmo provided a lovely party atmosphere. She even had Irish music playing in the background. Spanky & I showed up early to help Cosmo/Roger prep for the party. When Spanky realized there was Irish music, she demanded the “Unicorn Song”. WTF is this song about a fanciful unicorn? So, Kate puts the song on, Phyllis sings along, all is right with the world. I even quoted Spanky as saying, “This rocks!” A little while later, the rest of the ladies start showing up. We were settling in & Marge noticed the music. Phyllis mentioned the unicorn to Marge & she HAD to hear it. No… not again...geez… After being forced to listen a few times, I learned there was a big flood & some dude built a giant boat. He saved some geese & chimps, but he left the unicorns behind to drown. Yea, those Irish sure know how to bring down a party! After we were serenaded with songs of death, a livelier tune came on. So lively in fact that Marge & Patt busted out their best Riverdance moves and got jiggy with it. That was very entertaining! We finally settled in & got down to business.

I’d like to wish all you foxy ladies a happy spring! It finally sprung last week. You’d never know it from the flurries we had the day before Pokeno, or the frigid temperatures we’ve been dealing with. Anyway, one sure sign that spring is here is flowers blooming in the garden! You might remember that Phyllis passed out daffodil bulbs at the Halloween party. I took mine home & planted right away. I even managed to keep the squirrels from eating (most of) them. I was outside the other day & WOW the daffodils have sprouted! I even posted a photo here so you too can share in nature’s majesty!

MYSTERY BOX

I knew it would happen eventually… Some smart ass (Cosmo) decides to be cute about the mystery box & my mother has to go and win it! Kate had told me about her plans for a “Saints/Sinners” Mystery. I thought it was a great idea. Until I realized the possibility of Marge winning…then it became a horribly bad idea! While telling Kate what a great job she did on the special wrapping paper – the reality of what was inside hit me again. I suggested that we should remove Marge from this month’s drawing. Kate didn’t think that would be fair, besides, what are the odds that she’ll win??? HA! Turns out – the odds are pretty good!

To my horror & dismay, Marge went on to win the Mystery Box for March. Inside the box was a “Saint” side - Irish vest; Earth-friendly reusable shopping bag; beads (which someone suggested could’ve been placed on the other side of the box) & shamrock dilly-boppers. On the “Sinner” side was – bunny ears; tasseled pasties & lube. Good thing Roger was right there to make me a drink! Now I don’t have to go to the laundry room & scrub my eyes w/ bleach…

Someone mentioned that maybe we should be more cautious when putting the Box together. That’s not any fun. Please feel free to put whatever you want in there – that’s the “mystery”! If anyone else would’ve won the Box this month, I would’ve been fine. But, seriously, all you ladies know you don’t like to think about your parents being freaky! That’s all I’m saying… So Marge will be responsible for April’s mystery. I’m sure it’ll be G rated!

SOMETHING’S FUNNY AROUND HERE…

For the April party, Peg-a-la will be the hostess. Party will be: SATURDAY, APRIL 18TH @ 6:00. Peg decided on a “comedy” theme. You don’t have to go out of your way or anything, but Peg wants you to come with a joke/funny outfit/etc. We all tried really hard to agree on a date. It seems that April is busy for a lot of us. So, we decided on the 18th, however, Patt may or may not be able to make it. We’ll have to see what happens.

Peg thought a “pizza party” would be fun too. We’ve done this a few times now w/ much success. Peg provides dough & sauce. You all think of fun toppings & bring your favorites. Weather permitting she’ll have the fireplace going. Remember the November party? It was so warm we played w/ the windows open!

RANDOM FUNNIES

So that’s what a Skittle tastes like! Peg never had a Skittle before. She tried one & was surprised at the “rush of sugar all at once – no wonder kids like these things!”

Ball dog? Kate’s dog suffers from OCD & has a ball problem. She’ll bring it to you & once you throw it, she’ll keep coming back - many, many times. Patt made this mistake & Jacky kept dropping the ball in her lap. As you can imagine, this was quite distracting. She tried to tell the dog to stop & it came out as “ball dog”. Pretty funny, let’s take a breather…

The pause that refreshes! Patt noted that sometimes it’s just a good time to pause for a refresher. She was calling this month & wound up dropping the cards – not once, but twice! Debi dropped them the round before! We wound up having to pause at least 3 times in order to re-count the cards to ensure they were all there.

Are your arms too short? Someone was suffering from this rare condition & kept over-shooting the pots. Patt said something about arms being too short to box God. Huh? She went on to explain something about this play… After some research (thanks Wikipedia), this is an African-American musical with some parts borrowed from scripture. Of course, nobody in our group had seen/heard of it. Everyone did crack up when she said it though. Way to liven up the evening!

AS SEEN ON TV & HALLOWEEN PARTIES

Somehow or another, we started talking about ShamWow! People remarked that they can’t see the commercial now without thinking about Kate’s super awesome Halloween costume. Everything’s funnier when you’re in on the joke… Debi mentioned that she actually purchased the ShamWow! She asked if anyone else had bought one. Nope. So she went on to tell us how great they work & how much she likes them. They really do the job! What job? You had to ask… apparently they’re really good at cleaning up pet messes. I’m gonna leave it at that. So, if you too have messes to clean up, go get yourself a ShamWow!

THE SKITTLE INCIDENT

Now you know we can’t get through an entire game without any drama. We were about ½ way through the evening, feeling all relaxed. I needed a sugar fix, so I grabbed a Skittle. As I popped it into my mouth – BAM! CRASH! CRACK! Holy crap, I’m stuck in the chair!!! Why is it that I’m the one who keeps getting injured at our parties recently? Remember my concussion last month thanks to Pita? So, I pry myself out of the chair & removed the splintered wood sticking out of my ass. Cosmo apologized & said something about trying to tighten the chair, but apparently over-tightened it which caused the wood to crack. All it took was 1 little Skittle to cause disaster! I’m gonna be extra careful to be sure I don’t get injured in April!

That will wrap up another month of fun. Thanks again to Cosmo for a lovely party! See you next month for a wrap up on Peg’s party. Until then, may the best bitch win!

February 2009

That’s Amore! Our Valentine spectacular was held this month at Spanky’s “Love Shack” & co-hosted by Pita. We had stuffed shells, shrimp, cake & all sorts of yummy stuff. Everyone was feeling lovey & brought extra goodies. I had goodie bags for everyone & an interesting stuffed photo frame (donated by my son) to auction off. Cosmo had a troll doll to give away. Debi was “the big wiener” of both prizes. At the end of the night, she gave the troll to Kate L - for all her hard work? Or because she kept “molesting” it? Marge made bookmarks & magnets to pass out. Cosmo gave everyone a rose before they left. During game play, they made a very nice arrangement on our love table. Pita hand-crafted candleholders & personalized champagne flutes for everyone. Marge will be very happy to see her dining room table once again (that’s where the craft explosion took place). Debi passed out stickers (more about that in a minute) & made cherry bombs. Peg brought candy, Phyllis provided chocolate covered strawberries. It was an all around fun evening!

Everyone came in their finest red &/or pink attire. Cosmo wore comfy PJ’s (see photo), I had a springy heart headband (that some found distracting), some chose to accessorize their breastasis w/ the stickers Debi brought (see photo). Phyllis’ house looked lovely. Her & Mark just got done re-doing the dining room & kitchen. Phyllis also decided to do a little makeover on herself by dying her hair back to her natural color.

We had a champagne toast to love with the flutes Pita made. She was gonna make a speech or something, but didn’t & came up w/ something lame at the last minute. However, this was nicely covered earlier in the evening when Patt mentioned that everyone should say one happy thing. We went around the table. We get to Cosmo & she says, “If just 1 person is missing from the table, it still feels like someone’s missing”. Aww…this was so sweet that everyone had a moment & Debi says, “We complete each other!” Then everyone started cracking up. This led to a discussion about a group tattoo. It seems 6 outta 8 ladies are interested (you know who you are). We also had a few drinks & cherry bombs in us at this point. Maybe we should re-visit the topic again another time.

The streak continues (no – we’re NOT goin’ streaking…)! Kate L. was our co-hostess w/ the mostess. She worked her buns off all night & vows “even if living in a mansion” she’ll never volunteer to hostess again. All her hard work paid off when she was the big winner of the first cover all of the night. She was also noted to keep hitting another pot too. I neglected to note which one it was exactly, but it was 1 of the 6. Let’s see if the elder Kate of the group can continue the hostess winning streak…more on that next month!

MYSTERY BOX

Not only did Phyllis have to get her house ready for the party (in between 2 run-ins w/ poles), but she was responsible for the February Mystery as well. She jigged/danced her heart covered anti-stress themed box over to Cosmo. Inside was a comfy pink blanket, super soft socks, lavender scented soap petals (we could smell the box before seeing any of it) & microwavable heat wrap. The socks caused much confusion. Some thought it was a fuzzy thong or headband! Eventually Phyllis told her what it was. So, now Kate G. will be responsible for hostessing & a Mystery for March.

GREEN BEER TASTES FUNNY

We’re goin green! Bust out your best green outfit, our St. Patty’s party will be held Saturday, March 21st, 6:00 @ The Geib’s Tiki Bar. Do you think Polynesian leprechauns wear grass skirts? Please see artists’ rendering on the side over there. Get there & get you’re Irish on! Cosmo will provide a Heavenly Ham, Irish Potatoes & Roger’s bartending skills for the evening.

During our March game, you have permission to say (insert card) O’(insert suit) when you’re calling the cards. Cosmo tried pulling this during our February game, but Shiatzu hit the breaks on that one quicker than an old lady up to a fire hall on bingo night. It was agreed that the only time you’re allowed to call in such a manner is during the St. Patty’s party.

RANDOM FUNNIES

Why is there so much money in here? Someone hit Pokeno & when they went to take the winnings, they realized there were a few extra dimes in there. Ok, someone forgot to take it last time. But, the mystery is…who won? We all sat there for a minute & seriously couldn’t remember who it was. Patt made a crack about short term memory loss. This sent everyone into a fit of giggles. In the end whoever it was that won that pot got double. I must’ve been laughing so hard, I totally forgot to note who won. Maybe we should all be more careful to take our hard earned winnings in the future.

Courtesy flush? That’s when the flush is already gone, but you stop game play to call & check anyway. You can thank Spanky for that little gem. I guess she was just being extra careful after the missed Pokeno incident?

Note to myself & others! Don’t ever ask Pita to “toss” anything! I was being a nice Pokeno sister & sharing my hand sanitizer w/ the group. I originally tossed it to Debi (underhanded & gently). It made its way round the table & stopped at Kate L. It sat there for a bit & I wanted to be sure it made its way back into my bag. That’s when the carnage ensued! I asked her to toss it & she chucked it (over handed) over Cosmo’s head & straight onto my cranium. BONK!!! Why am I seeing 2 of Phyllis? It took a minute for everyone to realize that I was in fact injured & Pita ran to grab me an ice bottle. I managed to play on through my pain (it’s difficult to cover your card & ice your head at the same time) & the lump shrunk down by the next morning. So, word of caution to the rest of you – don’t use the word “toss” or you might be the next sister to suffer an injury!

What kind of music is this? Patt brought a CD to the party. It was supposed to be some sort of old-school dance mix. Think along the lines of “American Bandstand”. We were listening for a bit when Patt tells us, “The dance for this song is called the slow grind”. Huh??? Slow grind? The next song started & I swore it was that “cool jerk” song. Suddenly this dance mix became very dirty! Cosmo thought she could change the channel – but couldn’t. She didn’t realize that we were listening to a CD! Eventually the CD was over & we started listening to classics on Kate G’s cell phone.

And that will wrap up the month of February. Thanks again to Spanky & Pita for a wonderful party. See y’all at Cosmo’s house next month & may the best bitch win!

January 2009

Happy New Year! We rang in 2009 @ my house this year. There was lots of drama leading up to start time. It all started the day before with all those bastard weather people predicting a “major snow event” just in time for Pokeno. I franticly hatched a backup plan just in case. Saturday comes & um…where’s all the snow? At noon I decided it was “game on” & rolled along with the rest of my preparations. A few hours before game time, Patt was still undecided as it was snowing over her way & she’s got an hour plus drive. Always the true road warrior, she came to play the first round. Then, Peg decided she wasn’t feeling well & couldn’t make it. This left me without the 2 dishes that she was responsible for. So, I scrambled again to get everyone to bring extra cash to order something (or starve). This actually worked out quite well. I still provided my appetizers, we got chicken fingers & assorted pizzas. Thanks again to all you fine ladies for making my delivery guy “feel like a celebrity”! I hope I’m not blacklisted in the future from ordering food from there… For dessert, we had chocolate chip cookies (thanks Debi) & an assortment of crème puffs/éclairs (thanks Phyllis). As usual, everything was delicious!

We pigged out first, and then played until 8:45. Marge, Kate L & Patt all left after that one. Kate L kept hitting the pots during that first round. I put on a pot of super fantastic coffee which pepped us up for another round. This one lasted till a little after 10, and then everyone headed for home. During the 2nd round, Debi called for the first time ever! She didn’t feel as much pressure w/ just the 4 of us. She didn’t mind calling once she found her groove & realized she can call at her own pace & still cover her card too. I continued the hostess winning streak by winning the first cover all (by myself) & split the 2nd cover all w/ Katie G. If the hostess winning streak continues, I wonder who’s gonna win next month - the hostess or the hosting house? Hmm, we’ll just have to wait & see.

MYSTERY BOX

Kate L. was in charge of the first Mystery of the New Year. I’ve always told you guys that you can put whatever you want in there & boy did Kate run w/ that one! She provided 2 boxes heavily taped & wrapped in the Catholic Star Herald (recycling), used the bows from her prior Mystery from Peg (recycling again) & even packaged one of the mysteries in the box/tissue paper that Marge used for her Christmas churches (wow – who knew Kate was so “green”?).

Phyllis was the winner this month. She won a tangerine candle, a sign that said “some days are meant to be playing” & a wack kitten that’s some sort of fabric/ceramic. Phyllis said she’s gonna name it “Katie”. In case you forgot what it looks like, please see photo on the side there. I wonder what sort of goodies Phyllis will put in the February box…

FEELIN’ THE LOVE

Our annual Valentine’s party will be held SATURDAY, FEBRUARY 21ST @ 6:00. Kate L will be hosting, but we’ll be playing at Phyllis’ house since Kate doesn’t have a place of her own. Phyllis decided on an Italian menu. I’m sure this will be a super swell party!

JANUARY SHOUT OUT

Here’s one great big birthday shout out to Patt who celebrated her birthday on January 5th. Debi got her a few bags of magnetic chips & a magic wand to use at Pokeno. Patt was very excited to use her new goodies. The first bag of chips didn’t seem to be bringing her much luck, so she switched to the other bag. As soon as she did that, she won a pot! Maybe her wand really is magic!

RANDOM FUNNIES

Put that in your pantry! Debi noted that as her Christmas gift, she got new carpet & a new pantry for her kitchen. She told Patt, “Oh, you’re gonna love my pantry!” to which Patt replied, “I’ve ALWAYS loved Debi’s pantry!” That got a few laughs…

Go, go, gadget arm! Katie G (avid techno geek) was playing w/ her camera phone & was taking some sort of panoramic shot when Phyllis called her “Inspector Gadget”. Huh? Why? Because she’s always gotta play with her gadgets!

What’s that card? Joker? Jokeno? Nope – it’s actually a Jack of something or another! Good thing we all keep an eye on each other while we’re calling, or we’d really be confused.

What kind? Phyllis hit for a flush. Not sure what came before she said it, but it came out, “It’s not that kind, it’s THAT kind!” Oh, of course….that kind! Now it all makes sense!

QUOTES FOR THE NEW YEAR

• The proper behavior all through the holiday season is to be drunk. This drunkenness culminates on New Year's Eve, when you get so drunk you kiss the person you're married to. ~P.J. O'Rourke

• A New Year's resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other. ~Author Unknown

• People are so worried about what they eat between Christmas and the New Year, but they really should be worried about what they eat between the New Year and Christmas. ~Author Unknown

• An optimist stays up until midnight to see the New Year in. A pessimist stays up to make sure the old year leaves. ~Bill Vaughan

I’d like to take this opportunity to say peace out to 2008. I know some of you are glad it’s over. Here’s looking forward to 2009 & all the opportunities (or in our case…dimes) to come!