December 2008

Happy Pokeno to all & to all a fat pot! This year, we celebrated Christmas retro style at Cosmo’s Tiki Bar. We dined on a variety of pizzas & other holiday goodies. Everyone enjoyed the food & merriment. Phyllis dressed up as Mrs. Claus (even sported red panties to match). Everyone looked very nice (see photographic evidence on the side) & had a great time! We laughed SO much that I couldn’t take notes at one point because my whole body was seizing up w/ the giggles. Therefore, I can guarantee that there’s stuff I missed (the shots I had didn’t help either).

We had our special guest “Santa” join us for this party. Most of you were “wise to the cock in the box”. The tunes were plentiful too. At one point, a dance party erupted. I was in the bathroom & came back downstairs to this craziness! Patt wouldn’t let me through until I busted a move. We danced for a bit, and then got back to business. Opening gifts/eating first worked out well. We started playing by 7, did 2 cover alls & wrapped it up around 10-ish. Not too shabby!

You ladies must’ve been REAL good this year, because there were presents a plenty! Everyone got cool stuff. Debi couldn’t get her gift open! Kate L. & Marge had each other! Peg got a cool scarf from Debi. Debi got “magic chips” from Phyllis. She swore it was the chips that helped her keep winning all night. She even bragged to someone that she’s still playing with the original dimes she started out with last year! Even Patt got into the crafting thing! She made a “zen candle” arrangement for Kate G. & a dancing plaque for Peg. Patt also handed out homemade chocolate chip cookies. One giant cookie went to the first cover all. Debi was quite pleased (again – the magic chips)! Marge passed out hand-crafted churches, while Phyllis & I each passed out hand-crafted balls. Peg covered everyone’s membership dues for the night. It was a really nice evening & good time had by all. Thanks again to Kate for being such a great hostess!

MYSTERY BOX

December’s mystery came courtesy of Peg-a-la. The big winner was Kate L. Peg put a lot of love into this Mystery – even if it was wrapped in a trash bag!!! She got a big cardboard box, covered it with various cards from friends/family & little cute sayings, stickers, etc. It was like a scrapbook! The box was so cute in fact, that Kate forgot to open it. No…there’s stuff inside! Oh boy! It was chock full of cards, gift bags, tape, wrapping paper, bows, etc. How cool is that? All your wrapping needs in one lovely box! Now Kate L. will have to think up something cool for her Mystery in January.

HAPPY NEW YEAR

We’ll be ringing in 2009 at my house this year. The party will be on January 10th @ 6:00. Everyone thought it would be fun to bring a variety of hors d’ oeuvres (that’s fancy talk for appetizers) for this party. We’re gonna have various stuffed pastries, champagne, cheese/crackers, mini crab cakes, potato skins & (hopefully) some cream puffs.

DECEMBER SHOUT OUT

Big thanks to Roger for tending to the ladies all night. He got coffee, tea, snacks, etc. And, he took care of Isaac to boot! Wow! At one point during the evening, Patt called him “honey”. I hope this makes up for the previous July posting & the “Keith Partridge” incident…

RANDOM FUNNIES

Silky shirts are distracting! Patt wore a very lovely red silk blouse for our party. However, she felt “slippery” & kept rubbing herself all night.

Is your mojo working? Marge wasn’t doing so well in the winning department. Peg thought it might be helpful to give her a hug & share some of her “mojo”. Mrs. Claus was on the other side & she got in on the action too. Now Marge was getting good mojo from both sides. We continued on w/ game play & Marge wound up winning Pokeno that round.

Don’t eat that! I guess Patt’s shirt proved to be too distracting for her own good. As I previously mentioned, there was lots of food. Patt had a little goody plate in front of her. She also had her dimes at the ready to be put in. She thought a snack would really hit the spot. She almost tossed a dime in her mouth thinking it was some delicious candy! Good thing she noticed it at the last minute. That would’ve been really disgusting!

CHRISTMAS FACTOIDS

• "Hot cockles" was a popular game at Christmas in medieval times. Players took turns striking a blindfolded player, who had to guess the name of the person delivering each blow. Those medieval folks sure knew how to party!
• Yummy stuff! A traditional Christmas dinner in early England was the head of a pig prepared with mustard. Christmas trees are edible. Needles are a good source of vitamin C. Pine nuts, or pine cones, are also a good source of nutrition. Before you go digging in the fridge the next day – it’s estimated that 400,000 people become sick each year from eating tainted Christmas leftovers.
• Before settling on Tiny Tim for the character in "A Christmas Carol," other alliterative names were considered. They were Little Larry, Puny Pete, and Small Sam. Personally, I think Puny Pete would’ve been a better choice!
• Good news for all you eco-conscious Pokeno Sisters! For every real Christmas tree harvested, 2 to 3 seedlings are planted in its place.
• In 1907, Oklahoma became the last US state to declare Christmas a legal holiday. They’re always the last to catch up with the rest of the world!
• In Syria, Christmas gifts are distributed by one of the Wise Men's camels. The gift-giving camel is said to have been the smallest one in the Wise Men's caravan. But, does he have a shiny red nose???

That's all the news fit to print for December. I would like to take this opportunity to wish each & all of you (& your families) a VERY Merry Christmas. And when you're stuck at that holiday party you really wish you weren't at - just be thankful these aren't Medieval times & you won't be blindfolded & beaten by the other party guests! See you fine ladies next year!

November 2008

We had a Super Ultra Comfy party @ Peg’s house this month. Everyone came in their jammies. However, we were experiencing unusually warm weather (high in the 70’s) so Peg decided NOT to put the fireplace on. What a shame, that always adds an even more comfy feel to the night. Oh well. I’ll pretend that the fireplace on the right is Peg’s…ahh…I feel comfier already. We dined on chicken pot pie, mac & cheese, buttery mashed potatoes, apple crisp, rice pudding & pineapple pudding.

After everyone arrived at Peg’s, she passed out wine glasses w/ notes, napkins & tootsie pops. Then went into a speech about how thankful she is for her friends & how much they mean to her & how they’ve shaped her life, etc. Then she told us about a conversation she had w/ a very wise Native American man that she’s friends with. His “friendly advice” to her was, “When all else fails, just remember 2 very important words – fuck it!” Ain’t that the truth!!! So we toasted w/ our glasses & got on with our evening.

Everyone stayed for the whole game this month. Marge took a 2 hour nap to ensure she’d stay awake. Peg said she didn’t care how long we played because she was “already home – you guys can put me to bed!” We wrapped up at 10:30. Not too shabby. After I tried to suggest that we start our games earlier, Debi thought maybe we should eat first. We noticed by the end of the night that this was a brilliant idea! We decided to make it an official rule that we eat first from this point forward.

Shake your groove thing! We seem to have a “dance party” whenever we play at Peg’s house. Problem is, when you get 7 ladies together of various age groups & musical tastes, you can’t all agree on the same thing. We flipped the radio around for an hour or 2 before we finally decided to just turn it off. We did agree on a Prince song before the game started. Patt was waving her flowing locks & doing high kicks. Marge was up & dancing w/ us. Debi left her tassels at home, or she would’ve had a very special dance for us (ha, ha, ha)! That would’ve worked much better w/ her Halloween costume anyway!

Statistics show that whoever is hosting the party seems to win big! We put that theory to the test @ Peg’s house again this month. She started off winning the Mystery & went from there. She hit a super fat four corners w/ just 5 chips on her card. In the same round, she went on to take flush & Pokeno. I wonder if we can go 4 for 4 at Cosmo’s next month.

The weather was quite frightful! There were statewide tornado watches & everything. But, even the weather couldn’t stop (most of) us from making the trek to Peg-a-la’s. I should’ve been absent after having 3 teeth pulled just a few nights before, but I’m hardcore! Just don’t make me laugh too hard…oh crap…my jaw…where’s that ice pack? Absent this month was Kate L. Since everyone already knows what she’s been through in the last week, it shouldn’t have come as a surprise that she didn’t want to party. Here’s hoping Pita has a speedy recovery & is feeling well enough to return next month.

Last month, some of us had to “use the force” to remember to look for diagonal Pokenos. Debi & Patt both remembered & actually got a few on the diagonal! I can’t believe it! No more confusion for you guys! Congrats to you both!

MYSTERY BOX

Katie G. was responsible for the November Mystery. She put together a “Holiday Survival Kit”. In the bag was a hand-crafted (by Cosmo) paper Christmas house, lotion, candle, pack of Tylenol, bottle of Captain Morgan, can of cola & cup. As we picked, Peg complained “I haven’t won a Mystery in a year!” After checking stats, the last time she won really was at our last comfort party in November 07. Remember ladies, your odds of winning are much better if you show up for every game…but anyway…we got to picking. The first time, Phyllis won it. She decided to pass since she’s won a few times. When we re-picked, Peg actually won!

HO! HO! HO!

We will be celebrating a “retro” Christmas on Saturday, 12/13 @ the Geib’s Tiki Lounge. The party will start at 5:00. We will be playing at least 1 round of cards in between all that holiday merriment. Don’t forget to bring your Secret Santa gift ($20 max limit) with you. In the event that you can’t make it – please see that you pass along your gift so it gets to the party. After Peg got beat for her gift at our B-day Tea Party, I don’t want to see any more sad faces. Nothing quite like everyone else but you having a gift…that’s a sure fire way to have a “Blue Christmas”!

Cosmo says, “Not cooking is a gift to yourself!” So, she opted for our holiday menu to be pizzas from her local pizza shop. When we get there, we can pick toppings, pitch in a few bucks & place the order. While we’re waiting for delivery, we can exchange gifts (get that out of the way). Everyone seemed very excited about this plan.

Maybe since everyone was so comfy, it was super easy to agree on the date/time. It was also a problem free Secret Santa pick. Even though I reminded you to think of some things, some of you ladies didn’t heed that advice & took longer than others (Spanky) to complete their list. But, it all went smoothly & Peg could finally start calling @ 8:00.

NOVEMBER SHOUT OUTS

Shout Out #1: We have 2 Pokeno sisters celebrating birthdays this month. Kate L. on 11/17 & Phyllis on 11/21. Kate L. got b-day dinner @ my house. Phyllis will be getting a fresh coat of paint in her dining room & kitchen. Cheers to you ladies & many more happy b-days to you both!

Shout Out #2: As you know, Phyllis really gets into Halloween. Every year, her & Mark go to some parties & enter costume contests. This year, Phyllis wore her mermaid suit & Mark was the old man of the sea complete w/ boat made out of cardboard (see photo). Not only did they win the costume thing, but at the same party, there was a pie eating contest. Phyllis entered & won that too! After losing 100 pounds, it’s pretty ironic (don’t ya think) that she could out-eat all the other contestants. She said she went to the gym the next day & her trainer made her work off all that pie. Congrats on your big wins!

RANDOM FUNNIES

R.I.P. Hoover upright – All through the evening, there were chips falling all over the place. Since Peg’s got hard wood flooring, the chips echoed when they bounced. Phyllis was accusing some of having chips falling out of their crotches and/or butts. Chip smugglers…argh! Marge kept dropping chips & apologized to Peg. Peg says, “Don’t apologize to me – apologize to my vacuum! It’ll be picking up all the chips!” Her vacuum is bag less, so I bet the tink, tink, tink of chips in the collection tank will be deafening because there were a ton of chips dropped! Here’s hoping that the vacuum will make it out alive!

They’re not even the same color! While Patt was taking her turn calling, she kept confusing the 6 of diamonds w/ the 6 of spades. We kept an extra close eye on her & ensured that we were all on the same page w/ the same cards.

WHAT ARE YOU THANKFUL FOR?

This is the time of year when we pause for a moment to reflect on the past year & be thankful for what we have. I posed the above question to my fellow Pokeno Sisters and this is what I got back: Phyllis is thankful to not be a grouch. Debi’s thankful that she hasn’t fallen off the tightrope. Patt’s thankful for good friends, good health & the excess that is Pokeno. Marge’s thankful for family, friends & faith. Peg’s thankful for friends & enjoying life. Katie G’s thankful for friends as weird as herself. Me, I’m thankful for true friends who are REALLY there when I need them no matter what they’re going through at the time & will listen to me without running my stories back to others.

So, until next time…try not to eat to over indulge during Thanksgiving dinner. Oh…who am I kidding…go on & have 2 servings of everything!!! See you in December…

October 2008

Our annual Halloween Spooktacular was held @ Spanky’s house (Official Halloween Headquarters). The house was completely over the top decorated. When you walked up to the house, you were instantly transformed to a little kid out trick or treating - wondering if you really wanted to take candy from these wacky people. Everything looked amazing! Can you believe she did all that just a few days after having oral surgery & a massive infection? Now, that’s dedication! Even the fish got in on the act with the “Tank of Terror”! The Halloween Village was in full swing. She told us it’s called “Spooky Town” & she’s the mayor! There was one part of Spooky Town that proved most distracting. It kept making a really awful noise (aaaaeeeeeeeehhhhhh…kinda like that) & Phyllis had to shut that piece off. There are certain duties as the Mayor of Spooky Town! However, that piece is tucked into a tangle of wires & Phyllis was trying to get to the plug while not ripping off her flowing wig. That was pretty entertaining. We were able to concentrate much better after the noise stopped.

There were lots of treats to be had. Hoagies, wraps, pretzels, spinach dip, taco bake, brownies, mummy dogs, and other assorted snacks. We had Pomegranate Martinis & Bloody Mary’s to drink. Phyllis also sent us home with homemade chocolate pops & chocolate covered pretzels.

Everyone put a lot of thought into their costumes this year. We had a Gypsy (Marge) – made her own costume/accessories, Mermaid (Phyllis) – made her shell crown & choker, Shamwow! (Kate G.) – Sponge Bob…no? What the hell is a Shamwow anyway? Drag Queen (Kate L.) –stuffed 2 bras full of socks/drew on a 5 o’clock shadow/stuffed a “package” even, world’s tallest Chinese girl (me) – dress by Marge, Dominatrix (Peg) – complete w/ restraints & riding crop, and a set of long-retired Hooters Girls (Patt & Debi). Apparently Debi’s sister sent her a photo of someone with that costume & a note daring her to use this idea for her own costume. Debi’s daughter tried to convince her “Halloween is cancelled this year”! Debi’s shirt had an actual picture of an owl on it. Patt was sporting what looked a lot more like a sad kitty cat. They still looked great! Poor Kate L. was directly across from Debi (aka “Juggs”) whose extra-long lady bits proved to be quite distracting during game play. Kate said she was leaving early because of a “headache”…hmm…maybe she just couldn’t take it anymore! Also leaving at the 2 hour mark were Marge & Peg. That left 5 of us to carry on & continue the party!

For some reason, Kate G. & Debi kept hitting center all evening! At the end of the 2nd cover all, out of the 5 of us…me, Patt & Debi ALL missed the 7 of spades! WOW!!! Patt was calling that one too! Maybe it stuck to another card (Kate & Phyllis didn’t have that one) or maybe it was the ghouls haunting us in true Halloween fashion. I mean, there IS a real graveyard right out the front door! This also continued the trend of the hostess/family hitting cover alls. I wonder how Peg will fare next month. Where’s my statistics department?

NOVEMBER POKENO

Next month’s party will be held fireside @ Peg’s house on Saturday, November 15th. This is a Super Ultra Comfy party. Please come in your comfiest jammies & bring your favorite comfort food to share. Peg’s making chicken pot pie, Phyllis is making garlic smashed potatoes, I’m bringing crab dip & Marge is bringing a secret dessert.

MYSTERY BOX

I was responsible for this month’s Mystery. I went with a fall/Thanksgiving theme. Kate G. was the big winner. The box was chock full of things a proper hostess could use for a lovely Thanksgiving dinner! A turkey table runner, fall candle/centerpiece, and leaf print kitchen towel & pot holder. I also used the help of my creative assistant (Jacob) to make a cool tag for the Box. Kate G. will be responsible for bringing the next Mystery. Kate apologized in advance that her Mystery won’t be as creative as mine was, but she’ll try to provide something nice. I’m sure whatever it is will be just swell!

Again, can I please remind you ladies that it’s not a contest - it’s all about what you can throw together. Honestly, that entire Mystery cost me $11! It was all stuff I just tossed into a cart as I walked around the store. And, as always, if you really can’t think of anything…cash is always accepted (ha, ha, ha)!

TRICKS & TREATS

Trick: Patt, Kate L. & Peg thought it would be funny to scare Phyllis when she came out of the bathroom. It worked - she was totally shocked! After that, some people were too scared to go. It was quiet for awhile, and then I went to the potty. By this time, I totally forgot about the possibility of getting scarred. But, they got me. There’s photographic evidence on the side to prove it. That was the last scare of the evening, but when Marge had to go after me, she came out with extra caution!

Treat: The “Hooters Girls” came in with a cauldron. They made us all close our eyes & hold out our hands as they passed out some mysterious items. When we opened our eyes, we all thought they passed out maxi pads. Turns out these little gems are in fact Poise pads to help with “mild bladder leakage”. For those of you who missed the October party…we were having such a good time & laughing so hard that someone recommended that we should be wearing Depends in case we peed ourselves laughing.

Trick: Phyllis provided many tasty treats for us to snack on – like the pretzel tray w/ assorted dips. I mentioned earlier that she passed out yummy chocolate covered pretzels. But, I’ll tell you about one pretzel that’s NOT yummy. I picked up what I thought was a sesame seed stick, dipped in chocolate sauce & took a bite. Turns out those “seeds” were actually toasted garlic pieces! I am a true chocoholic (My name is Flicker & I have a problem). Never in my life did I imagine that chocolate could taste disgusting...but it did! Note to my future self & others – if presented with a yummy pretzel tray; be sure to fully investigate what you’re dipping where.

Treat: Thanks to Phyllis (once again) for throwing such a super swell party! For party favors, she passed around 2 bowls of goodies for us to pick our “treats” from. We also got bags full of daffodil bulbs to plant now & enjoy in spring. Oh, and a tip for you ladies who have a “damn dirty squirrels keep digging up my bulbs!!!” problem (as I do). While dropping the bulb in the hole, sprinkle garlic & cayenne pepper around. Those little fuzzy bastards don’t find either of these spices tasty, thus, leaving your bulbs alone (hopefully). I found this tip out AFTER they ate 8 outta 12 of my tulip bulbs last year!

Trick: Something always happens before Pokeno – either a lateness/absence or someone’s lost. Marge’s phone rang at 6:15 with Peg lost somewhere in the GC. Marge passes the phone off to Phyllis to give directions. Then she tells Phyllis, “Tell her to pull over, I’ll come & find her!” Keep in mind that Marge is dressed in full Gypsy regalia…I’m sure that would’ve been an interesting search party! Anyway…the Mermaid/Gypsy are directing Peg in from the porch. The rest of us are inside (drinking Pomitinis) & Kate G. thinks it would be really funny to prank call Marge’s phone. She calls & starts saying, “I know where you are & I know what you’re wearing” (thinking its Phyllis she’s talking to). Marge got all freaked out & Kate G. had to tell her what was going on. Did I mention how tasty those Pomitinis were?

OCTOBER SHOUT OUTS

Shout Out #1: Big happy birthday wishes this month to Peg! She said that she “partied all week” with various people. Maybe it was that week of partying that made her SO tired come Saturday. She also said that this was her best birthday in recent years. Hooray! Peg wore the b-day crown for a few minutes, which looked very interesting w/ her costume. I guess that made her the “Birthday Dominatrix”?

Shout Out #2: October is national Breast Cancer Awareness month. I would like to take this part of the Rag to reflect on those who have unfortunately lost their battle, and to celebrate those who have overcome & beat the crap out of their cancer. Falling in the latter category is our very own “Buddha”. As of this year, she’s officially cancer-free for 15 years! Hip Hip Hooray!

RANDOM FUNNIES

No double dipping! Phyllis told Patt & Debi to be sure they kept their boob sacks out of the food/dips/drinks/etc. The exaggerated lady parts actually wound up being a distraction to Patt & Debi too. Patt couldn’t stop playing w/ hers & Debi realized she couldn’t see the bottom ½ of her card over her enormous pillows!

Hello??? At 7:30, Debi’s phone started ringing. She checks it & starts cracking up. After she finally stopped laughing, she told us it was her calendar sending a reminder about Pokeno!

Are you confused? Maybe your card is upside down! Debi noted that she’s happy to play with the big number cards as you can’t turn them upside down. So, if anyone else out there suffers from “cardus upsidedownius”, try playing a big number card. Other matters of confusion are diagonal Pokenos & flushes. After we had this conversation about the elusive diagonal Pokeno, Debi paid attention & actually hit one! See what happens when you focus & use the force?

“Triangle”!?!? This was hollered by Kate when she really meant to say “Postage Stamp”. Yea, that makes perfect sense. Square…maybe… Either way, she had to share her triangle with Debi. Have I told you how tasty those Pomitinits were?

Damn you Sanchez!!! For the fearless 5 of you who were actually there, you’ll know that the word of the month was “Dirty Sanchez”. I was quite surprised that this wasn’t common knowledge & proceeded to share the definition with my fellow Pokeno sisters. This led to MUCHO giggling and various moustache references for the rest of the evening. And please don’t confuse this with Sanchez’ even dirtier cousin, the “Dirty Rodriguez”.

IT’S COMING…

Like it or not, the holiday season is right around the corner. I would like all of you to take this opportunity think of 3 things that you would like for the Secret Santa Pollyanna. The gift exchange won’t take place until our Christmas Party in December. But, it wouldn’t hurt (too much) to start thinking of some ideas now. During the “business” portion of November’s game, we will make our picks. There will be a $20 gift maximum. In the current economy, things are tight for everyone. So, spend whatever you can. If it’s only $5, that’s cool too. Remember that it truly is the thought that counts!

And….I’m spent… That will wrap up a spooky edition of the Rag. I don’t know how some of you will top those costumes next year, so maybe you should get started now! See you in November.

September 2008

SEPTEMBER 2008

This month, we had another super laid-back party @ Marge’s house. She made lasagna & everyone was happy (& full). There was a sangria fountain flowing & daiquiri’s blending away in the kitchen. Marge made a welcome sign that hung proudly in the dining room. Our party favors were personalized wine glasses & back to school inspired kits of everything mini - pencils, ruler, stapler, sharpener, notepad & even a mini apple. Phyllis whipped out her note pad & told us she’s going to use that to take notes at her next work meeting. I hope the meeting is short, or she can write very small. At the end of the evening, there was a 4-way cover all split. It would’ve been 5 if I had been paying attention to my own card…oh well, there’s always next month! I wasn’t the only loser at the end of the evening. Patt actually left the party with a completely empty change container! Here’s hoping she does better next month too!

As usual, we had lots to eat! Along with lasagna, we had salad, bread, fruit salad, veggie dip & other assorted snacks. At the end of the evening it was time for Phyllis’ super awesome dessert. She made a chocolate raspberry cheesecake that was probably the most delicious cheesecake I’ve ever had. I think most of the other ladies agreed as the table got totally quiet with the exception of an occasional…mmmmm….so yummy….mmmmm. Unfortunately, Peg & Kate G. were no shows as they were both not feeling well. That just meant more goodies for us…ha, ha, ha.

Speaking of food stuffs...Debi told us a story about how everyone at her office is upset that she was “going to that place with the desserts”! Apparently, she showed some of her co-workers a picture of Phyllis’ volcano cake & she’s told them about how well we eat. They were all quite jealous of Debi. I also had to post a very special shot of Phyllis’ cheesecake so Debi can show that one off too.

On my way to the party, I stopped at the Wawa. While checking out, I picked up a Reese’s Pumpkin. I had no idea of the carnage that pumpkin would cause later on in the evening. I put it in the Pokeno pot for the first winner. I didn’t even consider that maybe more than 1 person would win (whoops). That’s exactly what happened when Patt & Debi both hit. Then they started fighting over who was gonna get the pumpkin. At first, they weren’t going to share and went back & forth in a bidding war. Finally we all told them the best thing to do would be to split it in ½. This finally worked & both ladies were happy.

Debi decided to help out with breaking up some ice for daiquiris (I still can’t believe we went through 8 pounds). Unfortunately, she decided to smash the bag against the card table! There’s a butcher block top table in the kitchen (2 steps away) which is perfect for such a task, but Debi’s always been one to think “outside the box” (or in this case, the table) I guess. After she smashed it a few times and realized that she was sloshing beverages all over the table, she saw the flaw in her plan & took the bag out to the other room for a proper smashing.

Kate was helping Marge put in. Ahh, the trials & tribulations of sitting right in front of the cups! Anyway…Marge passes off her change when all of a sudden, one of her dimes falls smack into the center of one of the “pioneer” candles. Both Kate & Marge decided not to risk a burn & left the dime right there.

After Patt complained about the brightness of the room, we wound up lighting a whole bunch of candles, thus making September a “Pioneer Pokeno”. That was a flashback to the olden days. Another flashback from the olden days was Russell actually sitting down at the table (late in the evening) to join in the game. Believe it or not, Russell was one of the original Pokeno players! Patt threw down the gauntlet & challenged him to stay & play a few hands. Not one to back down from a challenge, Russell got some change & pulled up a chair. Lucky for him, there just happened to be a few extra chairs to spare. So, he sits down…first hand in, he gets four corners & Pokeno. Then he calls “Yahtzee!” Um, that’s a different game…but we gave him the cup anyway. At the end of the night rumblings of a family conspiracy started flying around because Marge, Russ & Kate all won big! Let’s see if the house trend continues next month at Phyllis’ house.

MYSTERY BOX

Marge not only hosted the party, but she was also responsible for providing the Mystery Box. I was the winner this time. Hooray!!! It was a car emergency/repair kit chock full of goodies like: fix a flat, fuses, deer repellent, freshener, flashlight, tissues, adaptor & even a deck of cards! Now I have to think of something fun to bring for the Halloween Spooktacular…hmm…I wonder what it will be…I guess you’ll just have to wait & see.

OCTOBER POKENO

Our annual Pokeno Halloween Party will be held on Saturday, October 18th @ 6:00. Since she truly is the “Queen of Halloween”, the spookiness will take place at Phyllis’ house. Costumes are mandatory. I don’t care if you come as a garbage sack…just please come dressed up. On the menu so far is assorted hoagies/wraps, clams casino & other various goodies. I’m sure your appetite won’t be scared away at this party!

RANDOM FUNNIES

Funny #1: It was Phyllis’ turn to call. She shuffled the cards, put them back down in front of her, and then she can’t find them! What? Oh look…there they are…right where you put them…right in front of you!

Funny #2: After Phyllis’ turn, it was Patt’s go. She was a few rounds into it & doing a fine job. Next thing we know, she’s in the middle of shuffling when all the cards “explode” out of her hands & fly all over the room! Oh my goodness…that was so stinking funny! We helped her pick them up & she made sure to count them before resuming game play. They were all there & the game continued on. Next shuffle, she was much easier on the cards.

Funny #3: I don’t remember who was calling, but they were 1 or 2 cards into their call when Debi throws up her hands & stops game play. “Everybody hold on!!!” We thought there was something seriously wrong. What could be so urgent that the game needs to be delayed? Debi noticed that a dime had found its way onto her card & needed to be removed immediately. I guess it was harassing her other chips? After she fixed it we could carry on again – after a good chuckle first!

WORDS OF THE MONTH

During game play, I mentioned that Debi was being a “cock blocker” because she took a pot that someone else was waiting for. I thought that everyone knew what this meant, but I was quite surprised when I learned that not everyone had heard this term before. The following definitions were found at urbandictionary.com:

1. Cock Blocker: A person (male or female) who intentionally or unintentionally stops the progress of two others getting their game on

2. Cock Blocker: used to describe someone who will do all they can to stop a man from hooking up with a girl (could be referred to homosexuals also)

The other word of the evening was “Ginko Gongloba”. What the hell is that? I’m not really sure which one of you fine ladies came up with that one, but I believe the herbal supplement you were referring to is called GINKO BILOBA. That’s the thing you’re supposed to take to help with forgetfulness. Something I think all of us Pokeno Sisters can use from time to time (some more than others…you know who you are…)

This will officially wrap up yet another edition of The Rag. I hope you all enjoyed yourselves this month. Now, get to work on your costumes for Phyllis’ party!!!

August 2008

We had an end-of-summer Luau party at Kate G.’s this month. We had a very fun evening! Thanks again to Kate & Keith Partridge for having us at their house. We had a full menu of pineapple ham, pupu balls, pineapple pudding, cocktail shrimp, and a burning volcano cake complete w/ dinosaur. Kate also had a hula girl cut out that we all took photos with. I actually ran out of room to post all of them individually, but I can assure you - they're priceless! For the first time in about a year, the night was completely drama-free & enjoyable. Kate had the whole house done up in true luau form. She even had torches burning out front. We were greeted at the door by the dogs (of course). Only this time, they were in costumes. One was a hula dog (grass skirt & coconut bra), the other was wearing surfer shorts. For our party favor, Kate gave us each a dashboard hula girl. After the last time we played there & feeling like the table was too big, Kate asked her neighbor to borrow his Poker tabletop. It worked very nicely. So here’s a super special “thank you” shout out to Kate’s neighbor…Gary the Snail. The table allowed for maximum organization w/ built in cups & everything. Marge took full advantage of the cups by stacking all of her change “just so”. Phyllis was calling her a “professional” & kept saying that Marge was out for blood! Marge was on a roll by hitting most of the Flushes all night. The one side of her change tray was almost overflowing! She tried to play it off, like…nah…it’s been that way all night. Thanks to photographic evidence, we were able to go back & review the pics to see a before & after shot of just how full her tray was! She claims she still wound up losing at the end of the night.

There were a few ladies missing. Patt had to go to an in-law family thing, Kate L. was broke and couldn’t afford to play, Peg got a migraine an hour before game time, and Missy was a no call, no show. She told me she “forgot” all about it. I think I send out enough reminders for you to take a second out of your busy schedule to walk over to your calendar & write down the party info. If you feel it necessary, I will start sending you text messages via cell phone too (just kidding). Unfortunately, Missy has decided to excuse herself from the table permanently, so from now on, there will only be 8 of us.

The night started off with just the 4 of us party animals down in the Tiki Hut. About ½ hour into game play, Kate’s phone rang. It was Debi & she wanted to know if it would be rude to come late. Of course not, come on over! Debi told Kate that she “would never miss an opportunity to get lei-ed!” So the 4 of us played until she showed up & we did a cover all. Then Debi joined and we had a fresh new game. The very first call after she sat, she won Pokeno. After Debi had been running all day, she sat at the table for a minute & started feeling like “someone flipped the off switch”. So, she went over to the very comfy couch section while I played her card. I did it for about 2 hands. Debi was just starting to tell me that I didn’t have to continue to play her card, but she hit a fat pot, then Pokeno. That quickly changed her mind, so I covered her card for a few more hands until Debi felt a bit better & could re-join us at the table.

I hope by now that Kate got all the chips up off her floor. Ladies were throwing them all night! It all started out w/ Marge. She dropped a bunch & we were busting on her. So, she started taking chips & “angrily” bouncing them off the floor. Then Debi got there & decided to join in on the fun. Phyllis threw her chips into her glass of wine! Apparently the built in cups weren’t so good for containing our chips.

MYSTERY BOX

Missy was responsible for the August Mystery. But, since she didn’t show up, we’ll never know what she was going to bring. Lucky for you guys, I just happened to be prepared w/ a back up prize! So, the Mystery went to Marge this month. It was a straw luau bag, packet of wildflower seeds, a disposable camera & picture frame for framing your end of summer memories. Marge will be responsible for the next Mystery. I’m sure it’ll be something fun!

SEPTEMBER POKENO

Next month’s party will be: Saturday, September 27th @ Marge’s house. Marge will be making her super cheesy lasagna for us. The rule is that we plan the next party based on schedules of those who show up. Hopefully everyone can make it this time, but if you can’t – I totally understand! This will be another super relaxed party. We won’t require costumes again until October. You’ll get plenty of reminders between now & then, but I suggest you mark your calendars now!

B-DAY SHOUT OUT

The birthday girl tiara was missing! I went looking for it last month for Missy, but it was lost somewhere in the Bermuda Triangle that is my bedroom closet. While cleaning it out last week, the tiara fell off the top shelf & smacked me in the head (good thing it’s only cardboard).

Missy & Kate G. would’ve shared the b-day crown throughout the evening, but since Missy was a no-show, Kate got the crown all to herself. Kate hit the double 3’s on August 3rd. She was supposed to drink 33 beers that day, but I think she stopped somewhere around 6. Next year, I may just have to enforce 34 for “Miss Talkalottasmacka” (Ohh! That would make a great drag queen name). Despite the rumors going around, she’s NOT really a raging alcoholic!

RANDOM FUNNIES

Nuevo of spade-o? While Kate was calling, she dropped that one. Then clarified by saying, “Nuevo is nine…I don’t know what the Spanish word for spade is!” For future reference, you may use either cavar or espatula.

Dreaming of Drag Queens in roller skates! Since we were so relaxed this month, we were all in pretty rare form. Kate brought up her idea of us going into business by opening a roller rink nightclub for adults. Marge brought up food ideas. I thought that it would be a great idea to have a bar. Then I realized that would be a major liability to have a bunch of drunken people out there skating around w/ the opportunity to get VERY injured. We all tossed around different “theme” nights. 80’s night, Disco night, etc. I think it was Phyllis who came up w/ Drag Queen night. Oh the fun that would be! Then we took it one step further & started thinking about a Drag Queen Pokeno night. We got so into this idea (except Marge) that we thought about making it the theme for September. But, when I realized the work that would be required, I thought it better that we put that night up for a vote next time. I think Drag Queen Night would be super swell!

What’s your number? Debi was thanking me for sending her Kate’s phone number so she could call. Marge realized that she didn’t have Kate’s number. Someone brought up posting everyone’s numbers here, but since I try to keep the Rag SUPER private (sanitized for your protection) I won’t be doing that. So, Marge pulled out her cell phone & got ready to program the number in. Kate starts off with the correct area code. Then I chimed in with 555…which Marge started plugging in there until she realized what she was doing. She deletes that while we’re all laughing. She enters the area code again and someone else goes…867…5309 which Marge is actually entering into the phone as I am falling off my stool laughing! At this point, Marge says, “If you really don’t want me to have your number…you can just say so!” We had to remind her of that one hit wonder, Tommy Tutone & his smash hit “Jenny (867-5309)”. As soon as we sang it back to her, she got the joke too. After I got done crying from laughing so hard, we gave her Kate’s actual phone number and continued on with the game. Just to review, 867-5309 is Jenny’s number, not Kate’s!

Phyllis can multi-task! Like I said earlier, we were all in rare form this month. After all the drama at last month’s party, Phyllis was all out relaxing this time (when she wasn’t tending bar). Earlier in the evening, Phyllis was super excited to win Pokeno. She was so excited in fact, that she felt the need to taunt us w/ some very unsportsmanlike conduct, jumping up from the table, grabbing a lei, putting it on her butt & telling us to kiss it!!! She was SO busy running her “butt mouth” that she completely forgot to take her Pokeno winnings! Marge noticed it when we were putting in, so we wound up giving it to her anyway. However, I think in the future, you will be given a stiff penalty for “unsportsmanlike conduct” (ha, ha, ha). Later on, Phyllis was trying to call, smoke a cigar & drink all at the same time. We tried telling her to slow down for a second, but she assured us she’s a great multi-tasker & how she’s “on it”! No sooner did she get done telling us she’s on it, when she tried to sit back down & completely missed her stool! She fell a little, completely knocking all the chips off her card (onto the floor) & sloshing her drink a bit. I had to do a recall so she could get all her chips back in the right spots again.

THE “MAGIC WORDS” & A REMINDER

Debi brought a great suggestion to the table this month. I decree that from this point forward, whenever you feel the need to do so (during game play), just use the magic words “I will pass”, no explanation needed & you will be excluded from whatever it is your passing on – no matter what it is. We’re trying really hard to maintain a stress/drama free environment, so I think this is a great solution for everyone!

Another rule we’ve had set up since the dawn of the original PBI was that you MUST cut the cards on a cover all. Since I am Sister Flicker & never ever cut the cards, Phyllis was astonished when she saw me actually cutting the cards this month. I know most of you cut, but if you ever feel the need to “pass” a cut on a cover all, that is mandatory.

CASE OF THE MISSING PADDLE

As you all know, the Sisterhood of the Foxy Bitches was instituted (or paddled into you) at the Toga party last month. Phyllis prepared mini paddles for all of us w/ our pledge names on them. She had a blank one set aside for herself to add her name to. After everyone left for the evening, I stuck around for a bit to have a cigar & help clean up. While we were hanging out, Phyllis had her paddle & set it aside so she could put her name on it.

The following weekend, Kate & I were back at Phyllis’ for a BBQ. While we were sitting around the pool, Phyllis started the interrogations. She starts off by telling us that her paddle is missing. Then, she’s all like, “If someone has it, they should just give it back, no questions asked…” I reminded her that she had it after the party & set it aside. The 3 of us go into the house & start a complete investigation of her 1st floor to see if we can find the paddle. It’s nowhere to be found. We give up the search. We go back outside, have some food & Phyllis starts her accusations again! Kate & I both try to assure her that we don’t have it.

Two weeks later, Phyllis & I head over to the Tiki Hut for movie night. While we’re in the middle of our Kung Fu Double Feature, Phyllis decided to take the opportunity to once again start with the interrogation. She “knew” one of us “bitches” had it!!! Good thing none of us were in the Deadly Viper Assassination Squad, or it would’ve been a battle to the death for sure! Konichiwa Bitches!

Fast forward to this month’s party…we start to set up the table. Phyllis gets her chips & when she opens them…a spotlight shines down from the heavens & a choir of angels sings! What is this on the TOP of the chips? It’s the paddle!!! Ah ha – all those false accusations for nothing! Phyllis quickly apologized to me & Kate, and was very happy to have found her paddle. Now Spanky can go home & decorate it to her liking.

COURTESY, YOUR FELLOW POKENO SISTERS & YOU

I’d like to take this moment to remind everyone about being courteous to your fellow sisters. I completely understand that all of us lead hectic lives. So, from time to time you find that you can’t make it to Pokeno that month. That’s fine. And, if for some reason you feel you need to take a “break” for a while, you can do that too; just let us know you want a few months off. Your absences don’t count against you or anything.

However, if you’re responsible for bringing something (whether it be Mystery Box, gift for your fellow sister, or some sort of refreshments), its only common courtesy to call/text/e-mail someone, anyone in the group to let them know you won’t be able to make it. I also understand that emergencies DO arise, but if you know someone’s depending on you bringing something to the party, you could at least take the time to let them know so plans can be made accordingly. Thank you to all the ladies that may not make it every time, but always give more than one hour’s notice that they won’t be making it. I don’t think a little courtesy is too much to ask.

So, that will wrap up another action-packed month of Pokeno wackiness. Until next time, if you want to know what your drag queen name is, here’s the link for the name generator: http://www.blogthings.com/dragqueennamegenerator/ My name is Helena Handbasket.

July 2008

Toga! Toga! Toga! It was a rockin’ party this month at Phyllis’ house. There was tons of stuff to eat (imagine) & a good time had by all (I think). There were crabs, burgers, dogs, salads, fries, spinach dip, bruschetta, fried tomatoes w/ gravy, ice cream & an “eat me” chocolate cake. There were so many crabs left over that we all took “crabby bags” home. The house was decked out in true Greco-Roman form. There were grapes hanging from the chandelier, our Pokeno letters displayed proudly, and they even did a huge banner that was hung on the front porch. When they went to have it made, the company refused to do the “bitches” part, so Phyllis & Mark stuck those letters on themselves! The backyard was all done up too with a crab eating tent & lights.

Everyone looked great, whether they were in an official costume or not! Kate G. was a Disco Goddess & made some earrings out of Styrofoam balls (hee, hee, I said “balls”) & cut up CD’s! Marge made costumes for me & Kate L. as well as her own flowing creation. Phyllis had a white/pink thing with a gold crown.

We all took a dip in the pool, which felt great because it was super hot this year. Kate G. made a party mix CD and we sang/danced around the patio while we swam & ate. It was a perfect summer evening. After we were done eating, we decided to do a Conga Line to “Hot! Hot! Hot!” We went from the patio, around the pool & back again. Some were in a hurry to get back inside to play, so they didn’t participate. I think we only had like a 4-5 person line. By the time we got to the pool, we couldn’t hear the song anymore, so we had to improvise & sing it ourselves. I’m sure Phyllis’ neighbors loved it! Also making a guest appearance at our party was our official “Love Slave” Johnny (previously served as chaperone for my bachelorette party). Kate G. decorated him with a toga and Phyllis made him a leaf crown.

At the end of the night, Phyllis gave out our party favors. They were seascape watercolor drawings that she lovingly did by hand. Why? Because we’re worth it dammit!!! Everyone got a Phyllis original. She also provided us with some cool sunglasses to use while out enjoying some summer fun.

SISTERHOOD OF THE FOXY BITCHES

Phyllis planned an elaborate hazing ritual where we had to form a single file through the front door where we were all very gently paddled and given pledge names (Shiatsu/Buddha/Rooster/Bumper/Pita/Flicker/Jugs/Cosmo). Phyllis insisted that we come up with her pledge name. It was hard to be put on the spot like that, especially when she took 2 days to think up names to custom fit each of us. So we decided to combine our brain power & think really hard to provide a name by halftime. After many suggestions, Patt finally came up with the winner. Sister Phyllis was dubbed as “Spanky” because she was dishing out the paddlings all evening.

As another part of the “hazing”, every time you got Pokeno you had to do a shot of whipped cream/Cool Whip, or get a paddling. Marge won Pokeno, but totally refused to join in the creaming. Don’t even get her started on the Cool Whip! We finally got her to take a swig of her drink instead. Next time she won, she did finally give in to 1 shot of whipped cream. Let me give you a little tip too. It’s not a good idea to eat salty Greek olives, and then have to take a shot of whipped cream with a beer chaser. I can assure you it is NOT a flavor sensation! After a while, some ladies started to get annoyed with this part of the game. But, Phyllis was just trying to have a good time & throw a fun party for everyone. So what if she’s a little over excitable/boisterous? She always has a great party & provides super swell food. I say keep up the good work Spanky, but maybe lighten up on the party games so we can keep Pokeno rolling a bit more smoothly. Just an idea…

MYSTERY BOX

Phyllis was responsible for the July Mystery. After 7 tries, Missy finally won. She was SO excited! Phyllis provided a bag full of candles, candle holders, potpourri, tarts & a potpourri burner. Everything was red. Of course Peg had to note that most of that stuff would look good in her kitchen, but Missy wasn’t going for that. Missy will be responsible to bring the Box for August. Let’s hope it’s not cat food!

AUGUST POKENO

The party for August will be an end of summer Luau Blowout @ the Geib’s Tiki Hut. Saturday, August 23rd, 6:00. Kate G. guarantees she’ll personally lei everyone!!! No need to dress up for this party, just come as you are. I’ll let you know about the menu as the Luau gets closer.

RANDOM FUNNIES

Missy won the Mystery, so she got to call first. About ½ way through calling, she says “sing of spades”. I immediately started cracking up & she says, “Did I just say “sing”? We all started laughing so hard, we couldn’t play for a minute. I thought it was at least a King of spades, but no, it was actually a 6! Too funny!!!

Much later on in the evening, Missy was checking out the pictures hanging on the wall. Then she said, “Phyllis, who’s the guy that looks like he’s from the Partridge Family?” Kate G. turned a shade of bright red & we told Missy that was actually Roger’s senior portrait (circa 1990).

Patt was feeling a bit thirsty & asked Phyllis what was available. Phyllis ran off a list of stuff & Patt says, “I’ll have the Dr. Parker” Huh? What’s a Dr. Parker? Oh…she meant to say Dr. Pepper! We all got a good laugh outta that one too.

What??? Again, half the table can’t hear the cards being called. We made sure there wasn’t any music on and everything. Maybe we should invest in a megaphone to use while calling, or some of those old fashioned ear horns to assist those who can’t hear so well.

IMPORTANT POLICY REMINDERS

Below are some rules that have been in place ever since the very dawn of Pokeno (way back in the 90’s). I know we all get forgetful from time to time, and a few policies were violated this month. I thought I would take this section of the Rag to remind you all of a couple things:

Reminder #1: Guest Policy. We’re not taking new members, or guests for that matter. If you have an emergency & need to bring a guest, its common courtesy to let the hostess know ahead of time (on your way out the door even) so she can prepare an extra spot. Preparation also allows for less bickering over who’s sitting where. And, if you need to bring a guest, they MUST be over 18. Kids have never allowed at the table.

Reminder #2: Phone Policy. It’s acceptable to have your phone on the table during game play in case of an emergency. However, if you’re constantly being pestered by someone via call/text/etc., it’s a huge distraction to all those around you. Not to mention distracting you from your game. From this point on, if your phone starts to become a distraction during game play – it’ll be thrown outside.

Reminder #3: Cover All Policy. This month’s cover all was recockulous!!! I never want to go through that again. So, please be sure you are giving your FULL attention to the cards being called. From now on, if you miss a card that’s been called, it’s your own damn fault. There will be no more do-overs in the future, so y’all better look like paying attention! You’ve been warned – no more sniveling.

Your full cooperation with the above mentioned policies is greatly appreciated. Thank you

I, STATE YOUR NAME…

During the hazing ritual, Phyllis made us all take the following Pokeno Pledge.

I do hereby pledge
That in the presence of a Pokeno Sister
I will share the following:
A friendly smile
A dirty joke
Good (or bad) gossip
Words of encouragement
My Pokeno chips if needed
A cigar/cigarette when present

I pledge this in the name of the sisterhood
Known as “The Foxy Bitches”

May our dimes be plenty
Our cocktails always be full
Our cards always winners
Our spirits ALWAYS high!

FINAL THOUGHT

Just one more thing before I sign off. As the official Pokeno Secretary for the last…forever…I’ve observed a lot of stuff over the years. One thing I’ve noticed lately is that all I hear for the time leading up to party night is how excited everyone is to play. Then we get to the hostess’ house, play for a bit, and people start to get irritable and/or bitchy. Everyone seems more interested in hurrying up with the game to eat & go home.

Do we need to start/end the game earlier? Since nobody can ever show up on time, we definitely couldn’t start any earlier. Should there be an option of playing a round (with cover all), eating & leaving? If you want to stay longer, you can play another round? I really don’t know what the solution is, but I would like to get back to having a good time. I know it’s a lot of estrogen in the room, is that it? I’m not sure if it’s because you’re tired; you’re drunk; you’re full or what. The last time everyone started getting bitchy like this, the original PBI disbanded. I really don’t want that to happen again.

Personally, I look forward to Pokeno as an escape from everyday stress, my husband & kid, to hang out with my friends. I love my family, but I get to see them every single day. I only get to see my ladies once a month – the only “monthly” I actually look forward to! Do you think maybe we could get back on track and remember that this is a night for US? To “let ‘er rip”, eat, drink & be merry, heck even take off your bra if you want to! Come, have fun & have a few laughs. Just something for you to think about until next time…see you in August.

June 2008

I am happy to report the June Tea/Birthday Party was a big success! Well, after we all got there. Some carpooled from Marge’s house. Peg went straight over to from her job that morning. I get a phone call at 8:30 Sunday morning from Phyllis, “Ang…I’m not feeling so good today” and tells me about how she was at an event the night before & had a bit too much of a good time. So we all decide to drive up in one car. I was held up on the way to Marge’s due to a train. Phyllis waited the train out at her house before leaving. On her way there, Kate G. called her because she was having a crazy morning & was running late. Ok, we weren’t supposed to get to Patt’s until 1:00 anyway…we’re good. Kate shows up, we’re getting stuff together to go & we all make a potty trip before leaving. Uh oh…here’s an unexpected problem. Any other day someone would’ve been holding some sort of feminine protection, but not today! I can’t believe that out of 5 of us, nobody had anything. Now we have to stop at CVS on the way out of town. No problem! Get in the car, Kate L. starts complaining about feeling car sick – luckily for us, she didn’t hurl. Wait! We have to stop for gas. On the way to the gas station, Marge’s window won’t roll all the way back up. She did get that fixed (while at CVS). Ok, we’re leaving Jersey…at 12:45! We wound up in PA around 2. Peg got there 10 minutes before we did, so it actually worked out well. Everyone except for Missy attended. Her sisters were in from Vegas & they all went camping.

After we got settled, Patt & Debi (hostesses with the mostesses) directed us to the family room where there was a table full of visor hats, paint, glue, flowers, markers & other decorating stuff. We each got to choose a hat to personalize. We noted how funny it was that you can get 8 people in a room with all the same supplies & everyone did a completely different thing. Patt did her hat with a “T” in a heart. I had to ask her why it’s a “T”. I already knew the answer, “Because I love tea!” This hat was better than the one she greeted us with. She had on what she called her “urban jungle” ensemble. This included her jungle print dress & traditional African hat called a kofia. Check out the picture on the side.

Everyone was dressed in their finest lady costumes. Peg, Phyllis & Kate G. all wore flowery dresses. I’d also like to note that this was the first time in the 7 years that I’ve known her that I’ve ever seen Kate G. in a dress! Peg & Phyllis made hats to match their outfits. Marge, Kate L. & I were the Mad Hatter, Alice & Queen of Hearts from the Wonderland tea party.

As usual, the food was all exceptionally wonderful. Please see photo of Phyllis’ petit four desserts. Kate G. made roast beef, chicken curry & cucumber/cream cheese/watercress tea sandwiches. There was tea (iced or hot) or margaritas to drink. And did I mention we had some desserts? We had éclairs, 3 different types of tiny cupcakes, and the petit fours. Which I just now realized I didn’t sample! Dammit!!! I’m sure they were delicious though. Oh, and just to clarify…a petit four is a tiny little dessert. A pedophile is not!

We were also provided with bowls of Cheetos & Fritos. Debi & I were working the Cheetos bowl when Kate L. decided she wanted to trade bowls with the Fritos. I intercepted & blocked her while Debi growled at Kate to leave that bowl right where it was. Please note, do not try to take Cheetos away from Debi as it may have dire consequences. You have been warned!

Debi noted at one point during the afternoon that she “can’t think of a better way to spend a super hot Sunday” than to hang out & play cards in the central air with us ladies. Aww…how nice! It really was a lovely time. Everything was great. Thanks again to Patt & Debi for all your hard work to ensure a nice party.

MYSTERY BOX

Kate G. was responsible for the June mystery. She was sad to report that the box & paper that had been passing around since January had to finally be retired. She presented Phyllis with a Mystery “bag” this time. It was an orange bag (that she attached question marks to) filled with beach/pool goodies. There was a hat, sunglasses, lotion, aloe gel, beach ball sipper, candle w/ sand, magic towel & pedicure set. Phyllis will be responsible for July’s Mystery.

JULY POKENO

After last month, it was super easy to decide on July’s party. We will be having a Toga Pool Party @ Phyllis’ house on SATURDAY, JULY 26th @ 5pm. Please see below for instructions on how to make your toga. Just like last year, Phyllis (& Mark) will be providing some delicious crabs and other BBQ goodies for us to eat.

Also, please note the start time of 5:00. That’s because with our track record of everyone being at least an hour late, we’ll say 5 & everyone might be “on time” at 6:00. And if you get there early, you can chill out in the pool for a bit longer. I remember last year’s party was unusually cool for August & only a few actually jumped into the pool. If our current heat wave is any sign…it’ll be plenty hot to go swimming this time! Don’t forget to wear your bathing suit under your toga. Phyllis won’t allow skinny dipping.

While talking about upcoming parties, the August party will be an End of Summer Luau Blow Out at the Geib’s tiki bar. Kate ensures this year will be much more comfortable since they’ve had central air installed. For those of you who attended the luau last year, you might remember it was sweltering! We’ll square away a date during the July party. Prepared to get lei-ed!


THERE’S A MYSTERY TO SOLVE SCOOB…

After we finished up our hat crafts, we settled down to start playing. We were about 2 hands in when we realized there’s a beeping noise coming from somewhere. We tried to ignore it for another 3 rounds, but it started to become too annoying for some people to play.

What could be making that noise??? Cell phone? Nope, everyone has theirs on the table & they’re all charged/message free. We start playing some more. Then we timed the beeping. It was going off every 2-4 minutes. At this point, it turns into a full blown search party & we split up to go listen in different rooms. In the living room, Kate L. thinks she hears it coming from a bag next to Debi, but it’s not. We sit back down again, play another round. There’s still beeping. Is the smoke detector? No. The microwave? No. The cordless phone with a dying battery? Nope. None of the above. So we spend a good ½ an hour (at least) trying to locate the source of annoyance.

Turns out the beeps are coming from Debi’s pocket. She had her cell phone programmed to go off the whole time as a joke! Yea, ha…real funny! We had a good laugh & started playing again. About 10 minutes later, we hear a doorbell. Everyone panics as we’re all there & nobody else is supposed to be. We run around checking out windows/doors, only to find out that it’s the ring tone on Peg’s cell phone!

YOU SAY IT’S YOUR BIRTHDAY…

The birthday idea was a big success! With the exception of Peg who didn’t have a gift to open due to Missy being a no show. It was kind of ironic though because Peg had Missy as her Pollyanna too. They’ll catch up & exchange gifts at some other time. I passed out fairy princess wands, birthstone stars & Chamomile tea to all the ladies. Everyone got nice stuff! Gift cards, a beach kit, a “queen for a day” kit, tea & “medicine”, and secret stuff.

The best one was Phyllis’ gift to Kate L. About mid-week, Kate didn’t think she was going to make it to the party because she might have to work. She wound up busting butt & getting everything done Saturday so she was still able to attend. Phyllis decided that as her gift, she would make Kate L. a complete dinner for two. Chicken Alfredo, green beans almondine, biscuits, birthday cake for dessert, and a 6-pack of hard tea to wash it all down. Some of us knew what was in store (had to be kept cold at Marge’s while we were gone). Kate L. is very into gifts & wouldn’t shut up the whole time about opening her stuff. Then I started busting on her telling her that her gift wasn’t even there! This did manage to shut her up for a bit. We started opening gifts & saved her bag for last. Phyllis gave her a 6-pack of tea, dish towels, and other new apartment goodies, then told her to open the card that told her about dinner waiting at Marge’s. The worst part of all this is that Phyllis woke up Sunday morning at some ridiculous hour with a hangover & prepared the feast! If that was me, I’d just give her the tea & card with $5! Here’s to Phyllis for going above & beyond to provide a nice gift.

GENERAL HEALTH WARNINGS

Warning #1: In the event that you find yourself alone & choking, Peg told us that if you swing your arms up & down you can clear the blockage. Good to know.

Warning #2: Peg also told us that if you’re doing an at home massage (instead of going to see her), that when rubbing the muscle, the rule is “the deeper you go, the slower you go”. Of course we all busted out giggling at that, but this is still an important tip. This came up when Patt was trying to help rub Peg’s back. That turned into the full blown “massage train” you’ll see in this issue of the Rag.

Warning #3: Always check your board/card before starting game play. If it has a Queen of Diamonds or a 10 of Spades on it…return to the pile immediately!!! Both of these cards were “compromised” this month & you’re probably better off not using them.

HOW TO MAKE A TOGA

• Don't use a sheet
• Let me repeat that
• Don't use a sheet
Go to a cloth store and buy some cool cloth and, [shock of the century] SHEETS ARE REALLY EXPENSIVE! CLOTH IS CHEAPER. You can go the cloth store and buy several yards of really cheap cloth and that probably looks a lot cooler than any sheets would. Plus, at the cloth store, you can get some cool fabric that really represents your personality, whether it is royal purple or Snoopy or Snoop Doggy Dog.
HOW MUCH FABRIC TO BUY?
• Six Yards: this is the official recommendation. I think it's too long.
• Five Yards: a little closer to reality, but still long, how much draping do you want?
• Four Yards: good enough for a simple man's toga, or a child's toga. Many people find FOUR YARDS will do the trick for almost any kind of toga. The design is simple:
• The toga cloth is basically long and narrow
• Pin one end of it to your waist
• Wrap it around you at least once
• Should hang to about the knees
• Pin it at the waist again, on the right or left side
• Throw the rest over one shoulder
• Around the back
• Pin it at the waist again
Now that's the basic design. Used by males at least. Variations used by females would be to use the some basic wrap design, of some form, often followed by small horizontal bands (leather, chain, whatever), accentuating waist and bust line. Usually women want to have the costume at least be attractive, whereas guys really don't care.

If you need actual step-by-step photo instructions on how to do your toga, just do a Google search & you will get a ton of different ideas

And that will wrap it up for this month’s edition of the Rag. Sorry it was a long one, but there was a lot to report on this time. So, until next month…try not to be a dumbass.

April/May 2008

Just in case your wondering…I completely forgot to take any photos during the party, so I have posted some flowery photos from the 2008 Flower Show instead. Our “Spring Fling” Pokeno was held at my house. There were flowers everywhere! I even decorated the outside of my house so it would be lovely when everyone showed up. It was a drama filled evening. Half the ladies were running late. Missy called at 6 to tell me that John just left to go get fishing supplies. Kate G. was scheduled to arrive late. Patt called frantically around 6 because she was lost…again… We finally directed her in, but she needed a while to decompress from her family outing prior to arriving for Pokeno. If you’ve ever been “blessed” with meeting our family, you can understand why she needed to sit quietly for a few minutes to gather her thoughts. We didn’t start playing until after 7. We played 2 rounds & were done around 10. Maybe next month we can aim for getting in 3 rounds! When Missy got here, we figured out how much she had to put in to square up. She did that, sat down & the first card called was her center! When it was Missy’s turn to call (for the first time since she’s been back), she was shuffling & flung all the cards out of her hand all over the table.

As usual, we ate well! Marge made super cheesy lasagna, Kate G. brought cupcakes, Kate L. brought snacks, Phyllis made some really great punch, Patt brought margarita mix, and I made a giant cookie that was topped with cool whip & fresh fruit.

Marge gave out goodie bags with scratch off tickets (don’t think there were any winners), bumblebee garden stakes, and birds nest candleholders. Debi gave everyone little butterfly/floral candleholders.

The night we played also happened to be the first night of Flyers playoff hockey. In case you’re new…Ian & I are huge Flyers fans. Ian was parked square in front of the TV completely oblivious to us being very noisy and talking about balls in the next room. I had a spot staked out on the corner of the table so I could watch too. I know I missed a LOT of stuff. Not sure if it was from watching the game, or from the numerous shots I did throughout the evening. Speaking of missing stuff, I didn’t feel so alone on the last cover all of the evening when most of us missed at least 1 or 2 cards, therefore completely missing our chance at the pot. Oh well. We don’t come here to get rich, that’s for sure!

MYSTERY BOX

Patt was responsible for the April Mystery. She already had one well before game time, however, she left it in Pennsylvania & didn’t realize until she was already over in Jersey. So, her & Debi made a mad dash around Wal Mart before they came over. They managed to put together a lovely garden themed box. Inside the Box was a bag of potting soil (that’s why the box was so damn heavy!), gardening gloves (proceeds benefit breast cancer research), gardening tools, small pots with herbs (ready to plant), seeds and a scratch off ticket.

Kate G. was the winner! Missy is upset because she is now the only one who hasn’t won a Mystery. Maybe next time…

JUNE POKENO

After much debate & trying to plan a day for everyone to get together in May, we just couldn’t do it. Too many people had prior engagements. So, we decided to skip the month of May all together & aim to play as soon as possible in June.

June Pokeno will be held on SUNDAY, JUNE 8TH @ 1:00 at Patt’s house. This party will have 2 themes (since we’re skipping a month). It will be a Birthday Tea Party. Think party hats (or fancy lady tea hats), noise makers (Phyllis..ha, ha, ha), balloons and birthday cake.

For the tea party, everyone needs to bring their favorite tea to share and the food will be fancy tea party food. Please be sure you eat your tiny sandwiches with that pinky out!

We did a Pollyanna so everyone will get a gift. After the debacle at the Christmas Pollyanna picking, I made sure all the ladies took a minute to check the paper to be sure it wasn’t her name on there. This made it go much smoother! Don’t forget there is a $10 limit on your gift. If you’re really stuck for an idea, please remember that cash is always accepted 

Here are some tea party tips I found online. They should help you out:

1. Its okay to eat with your fingers. However, if an item is particularly messy, then use a fork. (I guess real fancy ladies don’t get messy?)

2. If all the courses are laid out on the table, eat them in this order: first the scones or muffins; then the tiny sandwiches, and last the sweets. (Screw that, I say dessert, dessert & more dessert!)

3. For scones or muffins, break off a bite-size piece, then put a small amount of jam or butter on it. (Geez, they must really think we’re sloppy)

4. Take bites of the tiny sandwiches. Never stuff the whole thing in their mouth, even though it's small. (And certainly don’t try to stuff more than 1 sandwich at a time in there!)

5. If using sugar, be careful to not dip the sugar tong or sugar spoon into the tea. (Nobody likes a sugar coated spoon)

6. Stir sugar and/or milk with their teaspoon, and then place the teaspoon on their saucer. (I’m getting confused…how many spoons are we supposed to have? Do I have to bring my own?)

7. When drinking tea, hold the cup and saucer near your chest then take the teacup off the saucer and bring it up to their mouth to drink. (It is not acceptable to use your breasts as a “table” to hold your cup & saucer)

8. If the tea is hot, do not blow on the tea. Leave your teacup on the table to cool. (How about adding an ice cube?)

9. Do NOT stick your pinky out when drinking tea. Just hold the teacup normally. (Ok, I take back the pinky thing mentioned earlier)

10. Hopefully, the tea will be served from teapots, rather than having individual tea bags, which can get very messy. If there are tea bags, then there should be a small dish at each place setting on which to place the used tea bags. (Also, do not try to fling your tea bag for distance after removing from the cup)

Ok, that will wrap it up for this month. I hope everyone has a great month off. See all y’all in June!

March 2008

GOIN’ GREEN!
It was an Irish theme for St. Patty’s Day at Phyllis’ house this month. As usual, Phyllis did not disappoint! She was all decked out in her green finest. Everything (and I mean everything) from the tip of her head to her feet was green. They even set up a special “smoking lounge” in the basement so we could have cigars! Everyone was in attendance except for Kate L. She was absent for job orientation. Hopefully she’ll be able to make it next month.

Then there was the spinner. Every time you hit Pokeno, you had to spin. I went first. My choices were chug or shake my booty. Well, you know I’m a “trained professional” so I took the shake. Patt hit the shake spot too. The background music wasn’t working for her. Missy provided her own version of “Baby Got Back” so Patt could dance properly. Everyone kept landing on the do a jig spot. We renamed it the gettin’ jiggy wit it spot. I hit that one too many times & decided to bust out the robot and the worm. As the evening wore on, whoever landed on the spot would do whatever kind of jig they wanted.

There was a great spread too. We had yummy ham, potato wedges with cheese, Peg’s famous mac & cheese, Marge made Irish potatoes, Patt made a pineapple pudding that everyone told me was delicious. I wouldn’t know because by the time I got to it, all you hog jaws had already eaten it up! Must’ve been good because it was gone!!! To finish off the evening, we all has Irish coffee & brownie sundaes.

Phyllis provided all of us with “Irish Princess” tiaras, shot glasses (on a string w/ a whistle), lucky coins and goodie bags at the end of the evening. Missy brought vodka & a shaker to fill the shot glasses. Marge made St. Patrick’s door hangers for everyone. I gave everyone a lucky chip (not sure how well they worked). In honor of spring, Debi brought pansies for us to plant in our gardens.

MYSTERY BOX
I was responsible for Mystery Box. Patt was the winner (for the very first time). I did a “Tropical Escape” theme. There was a beach photo (Seaside Heights), beach ball, tropical lei, tropical drink mix/cocktail glass, fizzy bath tablets, Calgon (take me away) ocean bath salts, thermal pedicure lotion, leg gel, self-tanning lotion, stress-relief masque, candle, and to really set the mood…a CD of soothing ocean sounds. Ahh, feel the stress melting away? Patt felt threatened by the Mystery Box thing. She said, “It’s gonna be the first credit card in a box so you can do whatever you want with it!”

Please remember ladies, the mystery of the box is that you can put whatever you want in there! It doesn’t have to be something fancy. I just happen to have a lot of free time on my hands. Back in the day, Missy gave away some cat food in a plastic baggie and not even all of us had cats! If our friend Rose had it, she’d run to CVS an hour (or less) before game time & throw in some TP, dish soap & a candy bar. So, don’t sweat it…it’s not a big deal. Just use your imagination & have fun with it!

RANDOM FUNNIES OF THE EVENING
Patt called for the very first time. She did really well! So well in fact that Peg wanted to “rent her” to cover her call. Things quickly went downhill from there. First was the “premature ejaculation” where Patt flipped a card, didn’t call it & was trying to call the next card. Pokeno Cop Peg caught that one and made her re-call. A minute later, Patt calls “2 D Spades”. What??? What the hell is a 2 D spade? We all got a good laugh outta that one.

We were well done laughing at Patt after the next 2 callers went & it was Kate G’s turn to call. She was on a roll when she said, “9 of….this one!” and held up the card. Um, yea, that’s a spade.

At one point late in the evening, Phyllis blurted out, “Now, we’re still playing, right?” Wow!!! Even funnier was about 10 minutes later, Debi says, “Are we still playing?” Oh my goodness!!! You ladies are too funny!

Oops, there goes another one! All night long, we kept dropping chips. We would hear them drop, try to find them to pick them up…and…not find them. I wonder how many wound up scattered on Phyllis’ floor Sunday morning.

APRIL POKENO
Marge will be hosting at her house on Saturday, April 26th. She decided on a “Spring Fling” theme for the party. Think flowers, cute bugs, butterflies and such. Marge will be making some sort of pasta dish as our main course. Phyllis says she’s gonna work on some sort of spring cocktail. There’s 6 weeks between games this time, so you’ll get your updates along the way. But, be sure to write down the date now so not too busy to come.

ANNOUNCEMENTS & REMINDERS
Missy & John celebrated their 10th wedding anniversary this month. Missy had photos done for John. He gave her a diamond anniversary ring. She said something about being in Atlantic City that weekend, but I’m not sure if that was for their anniversary or not. If it was, then that’s how they celebrated. Good job guys…here’s to 10 more years of wedded bliss!

I presented the idea of having a summer Toga party. Everyone was excited about this one. One of you ladies has to be good at making Baklava…I would like to put in my order now for a lot of it! More details will follow as to when & where. Start looking for your sheets now.

Now I’d like to take a moment for a friendly reminder. Long ago, we established a “5 Second Rule”. This means that if you’re calling and someone gets a pot, you must count to 5 to let them collect it & get back into game play. If you take longer than 5 seconds, then you’re too damn slow…move it along granny!!!

February 2008

CAN’T YOU FEEL THE LOVE?

Our Valentine’s Party was held at Peg-a-la’s house this year. We had another pizza party. Peg provided dough & red sauce; we provided toppings. There were many different things to choose from. We had veggies, mushrooms, chicken, bacon, pepperoni, olives, and tons of cheese. Patt & Debi decided they would get all their toppings ready for when it was their turn. After they got all their stuff together & were waiting, they wound up eating most of their toppings. “Who needs carbs?” they asked. Most of us made semi-round crusts, but Missy & Phyllis got creative. Missy made a heart-shaped crust (see photo). Phyllis made a rectangular crust. All the pizzas were super-yummy! Nice work ladies. We also had lots of chocolate. I guess V-day is “chocolate time”. Phyllis made chocolate truffles & the most awesome chocolate covered cherries ever. Everyone was so hopped up on sugar that we all had sugar rushes and started acting a bit crazy.

Marge was responsible for the Mystery Box this month. I was the winner! The box had a photo theme. There were various sized frames, a photo album & disposable camera. Marge even managed to re-use some of the Mystery paper. There’s only 1 piece left now. Hopefully I’ll be able to use it again for the March Mystery.

Once again, there was lots of good music playing. We “brought sexy back”, rocked out old school with “White Lines” & “Jungle Love”. Patt & I busted into the dance made famous by Morris Day & the Time in “Purple Rain”. See, this is what I learned from my aunt…“classical” music taste & kick ass dance moves!

It was well noted that Kate G. was being a big klutz. From the time she walked in the door, she was dropping stuff & the trend kept going all night. Hopefully Peg won’t have too many chips to clean up on Sunday!

While we were playing, Debi noticed her pile of change was getting smaller. That’s when she realized that she was using change on her card instead of chips. As Patt is laughing at Debi, she almost ate what she thought was a piece of candy. It was a nickel! Good thing she started laughing & not “eating”.

At the end of the night, Peg wasn’t feeling very well. She just got back from Florida earlier in the week, and then had to run around to get things ready for our party. She was just plain exhausted. So, she decided to go lay down. While she lay down, everyone pitched in & cleaned up. We even left her a little “get well” napkin. I spoke to Peg the next morning & she wanted to apologize to everyone for punking out. She also wanted to thank everyone for helping to clean up before we left.

MARCH POKENO

We will be having our March Pokeno party at Phyllis’ house on Saturday, March 16th. Since it’s the day before St. Patty’s, this will be an “Irish” themed party. Be sure to wear your green underpants! Or just be sure to wear some green clothing. The menu so far is spiral ham, potatoes, and Peg’s famous Mac & Cheese.

ANIMALS ALL AROUND

Ladybug, ladybug, fly away home? Peg has some ladybugs in her house. That’s cool, they’re well mannered. They’re also supposed to bring good luck. Anyway, one of the bugs landed on Phyllis’ cup, and then made its way over to Missy’s side of the table. I’m not totally sure what happened, but I think Missy tried to pet it or something, and thought she squashed it. After a few minutes, we noticed the ladybug was crawling around again, so it either survived the squish, or its come back as some sort of mutant zombie ladybug. Check Peg’s head for gnaw marks next time you see her. If she starts to lunge at you saying anything about “brains…..” run quickly in the opposite direction.

Seahorse Assault! As usual, Peg had her “mystic seahorse” handy to help her during the evening. Kate G. hadn’t been doing very well, so the seahorse paid her a visit. Next thing you know, Kate hits 2 in a row. That’s when Phyllis spotted the seahorse. She snatched it from Kate & Peg, sat on it and moved her butt around. Then she handed it back to Peg. Peg accused Phyllis of assaulting her seahorse. Phyllis said, “No! He tapped my ass!!!” Hmm…who do you think was really the victim here? Take a moment to discuss amongst yourselves.

GROUNDHOG’S DAY

Feel like you’ve done that before? Well, the little rodent in a top hat saw his shadow this year. They say that means there will be 6 more weeks of winter. I know none of us are good with numbers, but if you do the math, either way spring will be here in 6 weeks or we suffer another 6 chilly weeks of winter. Think about it…

BEAUTY TIP

During the winter months, you’ll notice that your hair is probably feeling a bit dried, fried and over-all, not well. Try this all-natural super-deep conditioning treatment below:

1. Mash up an avocado with 1 tablespoon of olive oil & 1 teaspoon of baking powder (NOT baking soda…yuck).
2. Mix until very well combined & then work mixture through your hair.
3. Go surf the internet, or otherwise occupy yourself for 15 minutes and then wash it out. Voila! Soft hair once again.

January 2008

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Hopefully by now, you’re fully recovered from your New Year’s partying. I spent the evening (as usual) in Mt. Holly with Kate G, Phyllis & the men. Marge partied with Jacob. Peg had dinner with her neighbor. Debi spent her evening knitting a scarf (more about that later). Missy drank away 2007 (can’t say I blame her), then banged pots & pans with the kids at midnight.

This month our party was held @ Kate’s house. Everything looked very festive. As usual, there was a lot of good food to eat. We had meatballs/sausages, mozzarella chunks, 4 different kinds of quesadillas, munchkins, veggies, chocolate fondue w/ fruit & other fun dippers. We also had champagne & hot spiced cider to drink. There was also a good disco/dance mix CD on. The music was so good in fact that we couldn’t stop chair dancing. At one point, Peg was dancing/singing & got so distracted that she missed 2 cards. Speaking of distracted, Missy cleared her card when Kate hit for Postage. She said, “I’m too busy eating!” Kate finally won Postage (for real) after miscalling it & getting fined twice!

We used our “Cucumbers are better than men” cards tonight. Some were so funny that they were distracting the callers. Peg used her “Mystic Seahorse” to cut the cards. During the first 2 rounds, we had 5 people win Pokeno at the same time. Hooray!!! I can really use the 15 cents!

Before the party even started, there was some drama. Patt went into the guest room to drop off her coat. She stepped over the doggie gate on her way in, but on the way out, she forgot it was there & proceeded to smash her shins and fall over forward. While she was trying not to fall, she wrenched her back & neck. This sounds like a job for “Super Masseuse” (that’s Peg). So, while she’s all busted up trying to evaluate her injuries, Debi is hysterically laughing at her! We hooked Patt up with the “boo-boo piggy” (see photo) to ice her injury. Good thing we were minus one girl so she could use that stool to prop up her leg during the evening. Things just went downhill from there. To start off our evening, we all had noise makers. Patt had one of those twirly ones. While she was twirling, she threw out her wrist. Later on, she started hacking. Debi started laughing at her again & asked if we should call 911. But, I do have to say that Patt was a real trooper! She managed to stay & play until the end of the night. Note to Peg – be sure to remove any hazards from your house before we play next month.

Debi was responsible for Mystery Box this month. Marge won this time. Inside the box was big mug with spiced rum drink mix, party poppers, windshield deicer, a photo snow globe & the scarf she was knitting on New Year’s Eve. Some of the gifts in the box were wrapped so tightly that it took Marge a few minutes to open everything. The scarf was a big hit. The ladies were jealous. In fact, Missy was so jealous that she kept trying to figure out ways to steal the scarf all night. After that didn’t work, Missy started begging Debi to make scarves for the rest of us. So, if Debi does 1 scarf every New Year, we’ll all have our scarves by 2015! Also, in a follow up from last month’s mystery, Debi said that her wreath from Peg is still holding up nicely. So nicely in fact, that’s she’s going to take off the stockings & put hearts all over it for Valentine’s Day! Wow, it’s a gift that just keeps on giving 

Phyllis was sending out good thoughts to the seahorse earlier in the day. She said, “Oh mystic seahorse, please give me all their money!” She even held onto the seahorse for a little bit. She did manage to hit one big pot late in the evening, but I don’t really think that “praying” to the seahorse works. Also in Phyllis news, it was noted that for the first time ever, she was actually calling too fast. We had to tell her to slow down! Can you believe it? Even Roger was surprised.

Speaking of Roger…. He took the kids to the Fun Plex so we could fully enjoy our ladies’ night. But, then he came home. He put Isaac to bed and came downstairs to say hello. He went behind the bar to get a drink. When he bent over to get extra shot glasses, he knocked the light up fish off the wall, onto the floor, smashing it into about 5 pieces. It was so smashed that he immediately brought a shot glass over to Kate & told her she would need a shot before she was allowed to see the remnants of the fish. Roger did attempt to fix it, but by the end of the night, the poor fish was still in pieces all over the couch (see photo).

FEBRUARY POKENO

Our super lovey-dovey Pokeno Valentine’s Party will be held at Peg’s house, Saturday 2/16 @ 6:00. Phyllis says, “I don’t care when the party is….but I gotta be there!” So nice to see some enthusiasm! We’re decided to do the Pizza Party thing again. Peg will provide the dough/oven/pizza cooker rock thingy. You ladies are responsible for bringing the toppings. Bring whatever your favorite topping is…even if your fave topping is fungus…yuck!

HOW ABOUT A RELAXING BIRTHDAY?

I’d like to send a big shout out to PJ who had a birthday last week. Of course, she was forced to wear the official birthday girl crown. Yes, even the senior citizens of the bunch will have to wear it… Anyway, I decided to share this story with the rest of you who didn’t already hear it (Peg & Marge…you can skip onto the next topic if you’d like).

I sent an e-card to Patt on her b-day wishing her a day full of relaxation & chilling out (you’ll see the irony in a minute). Then, I get an e-mail note from her. She proceeds to tell me how on b-day eve, she & the hubby were chilling out by the fireplace. As they’re admiring the crackling glow, they realize there is a fire brewing in the chimney part. They run to get the fire extinguisher and manage to douse the flames. This is too much excitement in one evening for the elderly, so they decided to go to bed.

Next morning, Patt woke up ready for her day of relaxation. Hubby was going to work & (bonus) taking the kid! As she came downstairs, she noticed that the entire first floor of the house is filled with smoke. After further investigation, it turned out that after they put out the fire the night before, all the residual junk backed up & turned their house into something similar to an open-pit BBQ. Some more extinguishing & a chimney sweep later…the fire place is under control. Now there’s the little matter of cleaning up the family room that is now completely covered in a nice, thick layer of black soot (so much for relaxing).

After hubby & son left, Patt threw open all the windows, cranked up the new Alicia Keys album (which she says is good cleaning music) and proceeded to scrub like she’s never scrubbed before. Even with all this insanity, she says she had a nice birthday. Here’s hoping next year will be better 

REMINDERS & AN ANNOUNCEMENT

Reminder #1: A flush is 5 of the same suit, not 4! Kate G. has been thinking she had a flush on 4 all this time!!! If it wasn’t for Peg paying extra-close attention, Kate would’ve probably continued to call flush on 4. So, we made Kate pay a hefty fine. Hopefully she has learned from this mistake. If not, she’ll be forced to stand in the corner & write a 500 word essay.

Reminder #2: If you’re going to make homemade mozzarella sticks, be sure to cut them into squares (or smaller), not rectangles! The squares will cook faster & be meltier!

Announcement: In case you didn’t know, Missy & family finally found a house! They moved a few days before Christmas into a nice little duplex. Everyone is still getting settled. Joe is excited to have his very own “big boy” room away from his annoying little brothers.

ATTENTION CAT LOVERS!

To you cat-loving ladies out there, I thought I should pass along some interesting info. For Christmas, Russell got their cats some of that Chia Cat Grass stuff. It grew in about 2 weeks. Then he clipped some off to give to the cats. One didn’t like it at all, but the other one absolutely loved it! I guess it all depends on your particular cat. But, those of you who are cat owners have at least 2, so I say fork out the $17 (unless you’re broke like me) and give it a try. Meow! (That was your cat saying, “thank you” for being such an awesome human)

DID YOU KNOW?

Here are a few morsels of knowledge just in case you ever wind up on Jeopardy…

January is “National Hot Tea Month”. All tea (except for herbal & flavored varieties) comes from the leaves of a warm-weather evergreen. According to the Tea Association of the USA (who knew such a place existed?), tea is a $2.10 billion industry in the US, as well as the second most popular beverage worldwide…after water.

January is also “Chicken Noodle Soup Month”. More than 350 million cans of chicken noodle soup are sold each year, with January being the top selling month. I guess this explains why they jack up the prices so much right now! I guess everyone is supposed to be sick this month…eating soup & drinking tea.

The first college bowl game took place on New Year’s Day 1902. The president of the Tournament of Roses Festival suggested a post-season football game to boost attendance at the parade. And thus, keeping most men recliner-bound every New Year’s since.