August 2008

We had an end-of-summer Luau party at Kate G.’s this month. We had a very fun evening! Thanks again to Kate & Keith Partridge for having us at their house. We had a full menu of pineapple ham, pupu balls, pineapple pudding, cocktail shrimp, and a burning volcano cake complete w/ dinosaur. Kate also had a hula girl cut out that we all took photos with. I actually ran out of room to post all of them individually, but I can assure you - they're priceless! For the first time in about a year, the night was completely drama-free & enjoyable. Kate had the whole house done up in true luau form. She even had torches burning out front. We were greeted at the door by the dogs (of course). Only this time, they were in costumes. One was a hula dog (grass skirt & coconut bra), the other was wearing surfer shorts. For our party favor, Kate gave us each a dashboard hula girl. After the last time we played there & feeling like the table was too big, Kate asked her neighbor to borrow his Poker tabletop. It worked very nicely. So here’s a super special “thank you” shout out to Kate’s neighbor…Gary the Snail. The table allowed for maximum organization w/ built in cups & everything. Marge took full advantage of the cups by stacking all of her change “just so”. Phyllis was calling her a “professional” & kept saying that Marge was out for blood! Marge was on a roll by hitting most of the Flushes all night. The one side of her change tray was almost overflowing! She tried to play it off, like…nah…it’s been that way all night. Thanks to photographic evidence, we were able to go back & review the pics to see a before & after shot of just how full her tray was! She claims she still wound up losing at the end of the night.

There were a few ladies missing. Patt had to go to an in-law family thing, Kate L. was broke and couldn’t afford to play, Peg got a migraine an hour before game time, and Missy was a no call, no show. She told me she “forgot” all about it. I think I send out enough reminders for you to take a second out of your busy schedule to walk over to your calendar & write down the party info. If you feel it necessary, I will start sending you text messages via cell phone too (just kidding). Unfortunately, Missy has decided to excuse herself from the table permanently, so from now on, there will only be 8 of us.

The night started off with just the 4 of us party animals down in the Tiki Hut. About ½ hour into game play, Kate’s phone rang. It was Debi & she wanted to know if it would be rude to come late. Of course not, come on over! Debi told Kate that she “would never miss an opportunity to get lei-ed!” So the 4 of us played until she showed up & we did a cover all. Then Debi joined and we had a fresh new game. The very first call after she sat, she won Pokeno. After Debi had been running all day, she sat at the table for a minute & started feeling like “someone flipped the off switch”. So, she went over to the very comfy couch section while I played her card. I did it for about 2 hands. Debi was just starting to tell me that I didn’t have to continue to play her card, but she hit a fat pot, then Pokeno. That quickly changed her mind, so I covered her card for a few more hands until Debi felt a bit better & could re-join us at the table.

I hope by now that Kate got all the chips up off her floor. Ladies were throwing them all night! It all started out w/ Marge. She dropped a bunch & we were busting on her. So, she started taking chips & “angrily” bouncing them off the floor. Then Debi got there & decided to join in on the fun. Phyllis threw her chips into her glass of wine! Apparently the built in cups weren’t so good for containing our chips.

MYSTERY BOX

Missy was responsible for the August Mystery. But, since she didn’t show up, we’ll never know what she was going to bring. Lucky for you guys, I just happened to be prepared w/ a back up prize! So, the Mystery went to Marge this month. It was a straw luau bag, packet of wildflower seeds, a disposable camera & picture frame for framing your end of summer memories. Marge will be responsible for the next Mystery. I’m sure it’ll be something fun!

SEPTEMBER POKENO

Next month’s party will be: Saturday, September 27th @ Marge’s house. Marge will be making her super cheesy lasagna for us. The rule is that we plan the next party based on schedules of those who show up. Hopefully everyone can make it this time, but if you can’t – I totally understand! This will be another super relaxed party. We won’t require costumes again until October. You’ll get plenty of reminders between now & then, but I suggest you mark your calendars now!

B-DAY SHOUT OUT

The birthday girl tiara was missing! I went looking for it last month for Missy, but it was lost somewhere in the Bermuda Triangle that is my bedroom closet. While cleaning it out last week, the tiara fell off the top shelf & smacked me in the head (good thing it’s only cardboard).

Missy & Kate G. would’ve shared the b-day crown throughout the evening, but since Missy was a no-show, Kate got the crown all to herself. Kate hit the double 3’s on August 3rd. She was supposed to drink 33 beers that day, but I think she stopped somewhere around 6. Next year, I may just have to enforce 34 for “Miss Talkalottasmacka” (Ohh! That would make a great drag queen name). Despite the rumors going around, she’s NOT really a raging alcoholic!

RANDOM FUNNIES

Nuevo of spade-o? While Kate was calling, she dropped that one. Then clarified by saying, “Nuevo is nine…I don’t know what the Spanish word for spade is!” For future reference, you may use either cavar or espatula.

Dreaming of Drag Queens in roller skates! Since we were so relaxed this month, we were all in pretty rare form. Kate brought up her idea of us going into business by opening a roller rink nightclub for adults. Marge brought up food ideas. I thought that it would be a great idea to have a bar. Then I realized that would be a major liability to have a bunch of drunken people out there skating around w/ the opportunity to get VERY injured. We all tossed around different “theme” nights. 80’s night, Disco night, etc. I think it was Phyllis who came up w/ Drag Queen night. Oh the fun that would be! Then we took it one step further & started thinking about a Drag Queen Pokeno night. We got so into this idea (except Marge) that we thought about making it the theme for September. But, when I realized the work that would be required, I thought it better that we put that night up for a vote next time. I think Drag Queen Night would be super swell!

What’s your number? Debi was thanking me for sending her Kate’s phone number so she could call. Marge realized that she didn’t have Kate’s number. Someone brought up posting everyone’s numbers here, but since I try to keep the Rag SUPER private (sanitized for your protection) I won’t be doing that. So, Marge pulled out her cell phone & got ready to program the number in. Kate starts off with the correct area code. Then I chimed in with 555…which Marge started plugging in there until she realized what she was doing. She deletes that while we’re all laughing. She enters the area code again and someone else goes…867…5309 which Marge is actually entering into the phone as I am falling off my stool laughing! At this point, Marge says, “If you really don’t want me to have your number…you can just say so!” We had to remind her of that one hit wonder, Tommy Tutone & his smash hit “Jenny (867-5309)”. As soon as we sang it back to her, she got the joke too. After I got done crying from laughing so hard, we gave her Kate’s actual phone number and continued on with the game. Just to review, 867-5309 is Jenny’s number, not Kate’s!

Phyllis can multi-task! Like I said earlier, we were all in rare form this month. After all the drama at last month’s party, Phyllis was all out relaxing this time (when she wasn’t tending bar). Earlier in the evening, Phyllis was super excited to win Pokeno. She was so excited in fact, that she felt the need to taunt us w/ some very unsportsmanlike conduct, jumping up from the table, grabbing a lei, putting it on her butt & telling us to kiss it!!! She was SO busy running her “butt mouth” that she completely forgot to take her Pokeno winnings! Marge noticed it when we were putting in, so we wound up giving it to her anyway. However, I think in the future, you will be given a stiff penalty for “unsportsmanlike conduct” (ha, ha, ha). Later on, Phyllis was trying to call, smoke a cigar & drink all at the same time. We tried telling her to slow down for a second, but she assured us she’s a great multi-tasker & how she’s “on it”! No sooner did she get done telling us she’s on it, when she tried to sit back down & completely missed her stool! She fell a little, completely knocking all the chips off her card (onto the floor) & sloshing her drink a bit. I had to do a recall so she could get all her chips back in the right spots again.

THE “MAGIC WORDS” & A REMINDER

Debi brought a great suggestion to the table this month. I decree that from this point forward, whenever you feel the need to do so (during game play), just use the magic words “I will pass”, no explanation needed & you will be excluded from whatever it is your passing on – no matter what it is. We’re trying really hard to maintain a stress/drama free environment, so I think this is a great solution for everyone!

Another rule we’ve had set up since the dawn of the original PBI was that you MUST cut the cards on a cover all. Since I am Sister Flicker & never ever cut the cards, Phyllis was astonished when she saw me actually cutting the cards this month. I know most of you cut, but if you ever feel the need to “pass” a cut on a cover all, that is mandatory.

CASE OF THE MISSING PADDLE

As you all know, the Sisterhood of the Foxy Bitches was instituted (or paddled into you) at the Toga party last month. Phyllis prepared mini paddles for all of us w/ our pledge names on them. She had a blank one set aside for herself to add her name to. After everyone left for the evening, I stuck around for a bit to have a cigar & help clean up. While we were hanging out, Phyllis had her paddle & set it aside so she could put her name on it.

The following weekend, Kate & I were back at Phyllis’ for a BBQ. While we were sitting around the pool, Phyllis started the interrogations. She starts off by telling us that her paddle is missing. Then, she’s all like, “If someone has it, they should just give it back, no questions asked…” I reminded her that she had it after the party & set it aside. The 3 of us go into the house & start a complete investigation of her 1st floor to see if we can find the paddle. It’s nowhere to be found. We give up the search. We go back outside, have some food & Phyllis starts her accusations again! Kate & I both try to assure her that we don’t have it.

Two weeks later, Phyllis & I head over to the Tiki Hut for movie night. While we’re in the middle of our Kung Fu Double Feature, Phyllis decided to take the opportunity to once again start with the interrogation. She “knew” one of us “bitches” had it!!! Good thing none of us were in the Deadly Viper Assassination Squad, or it would’ve been a battle to the death for sure! Konichiwa Bitches!

Fast forward to this month’s party…we start to set up the table. Phyllis gets her chips & when she opens them…a spotlight shines down from the heavens & a choir of angels sings! What is this on the TOP of the chips? It’s the paddle!!! Ah ha – all those false accusations for nothing! Phyllis quickly apologized to me & Kate, and was very happy to have found her paddle. Now Spanky can go home & decorate it to her liking.

COURTESY, YOUR FELLOW POKENO SISTERS & YOU

I’d like to take this moment to remind everyone about being courteous to your fellow sisters. I completely understand that all of us lead hectic lives. So, from time to time you find that you can’t make it to Pokeno that month. That’s fine. And, if for some reason you feel you need to take a “break” for a while, you can do that too; just let us know you want a few months off. Your absences don’t count against you or anything.

However, if you’re responsible for bringing something (whether it be Mystery Box, gift for your fellow sister, or some sort of refreshments), its only common courtesy to call/text/e-mail someone, anyone in the group to let them know you won’t be able to make it. I also understand that emergencies DO arise, but if you know someone’s depending on you bringing something to the party, you could at least take the time to let them know so plans can be made accordingly. Thank you to all the ladies that may not make it every time, but always give more than one hour’s notice that they won’t be making it. I don’t think a little courtesy is too much to ask.

So, that will wrap up another action-packed month of Pokeno wackiness. Until next time, if you want to know what your drag queen name is, here’s the link for the name generator: http://www.blogthings.com/dragqueennamegenerator/ My name is Helena Handbasket.