July 2008

Toga! Toga! Toga! It was a rockin’ party this month at Phyllis’ house. There was tons of stuff to eat (imagine) & a good time had by all (I think). There were crabs, burgers, dogs, salads, fries, spinach dip, bruschetta, fried tomatoes w/ gravy, ice cream & an “eat me” chocolate cake. There were so many crabs left over that we all took “crabby bags” home. The house was decked out in true Greco-Roman form. There were grapes hanging from the chandelier, our Pokeno letters displayed proudly, and they even did a huge banner that was hung on the front porch. When they went to have it made, the company refused to do the “bitches” part, so Phyllis & Mark stuck those letters on themselves! The backyard was all done up too with a crab eating tent & lights.

Everyone looked great, whether they were in an official costume or not! Kate G. was a Disco Goddess & made some earrings out of Styrofoam balls (hee, hee, I said “balls”) & cut up CD’s! Marge made costumes for me & Kate L. as well as her own flowing creation. Phyllis had a white/pink thing with a gold crown.

We all took a dip in the pool, which felt great because it was super hot this year. Kate G. made a party mix CD and we sang/danced around the patio while we swam & ate. It was a perfect summer evening. After we were done eating, we decided to do a Conga Line to “Hot! Hot! Hot!” We went from the patio, around the pool & back again. Some were in a hurry to get back inside to play, so they didn’t participate. I think we only had like a 4-5 person line. By the time we got to the pool, we couldn’t hear the song anymore, so we had to improvise & sing it ourselves. I’m sure Phyllis’ neighbors loved it! Also making a guest appearance at our party was our official “Love Slave” Johnny (previously served as chaperone for my bachelorette party). Kate G. decorated him with a toga and Phyllis made him a leaf crown.

At the end of the night, Phyllis gave out our party favors. They were seascape watercolor drawings that she lovingly did by hand. Why? Because we’re worth it dammit!!! Everyone got a Phyllis original. She also provided us with some cool sunglasses to use while out enjoying some summer fun.

SISTERHOOD OF THE FOXY BITCHES

Phyllis planned an elaborate hazing ritual where we had to form a single file through the front door where we were all very gently paddled and given pledge names (Shiatsu/Buddha/Rooster/Bumper/Pita/Flicker/Jugs/Cosmo). Phyllis insisted that we come up with her pledge name. It was hard to be put on the spot like that, especially when she took 2 days to think up names to custom fit each of us. So we decided to combine our brain power & think really hard to provide a name by halftime. After many suggestions, Patt finally came up with the winner. Sister Phyllis was dubbed as “Spanky” because she was dishing out the paddlings all evening.

As another part of the “hazing”, every time you got Pokeno you had to do a shot of whipped cream/Cool Whip, or get a paddling. Marge won Pokeno, but totally refused to join in the creaming. Don’t even get her started on the Cool Whip! We finally got her to take a swig of her drink instead. Next time she won, she did finally give in to 1 shot of whipped cream. Let me give you a little tip too. It’s not a good idea to eat salty Greek olives, and then have to take a shot of whipped cream with a beer chaser. I can assure you it is NOT a flavor sensation! After a while, some ladies started to get annoyed with this part of the game. But, Phyllis was just trying to have a good time & throw a fun party for everyone. So what if she’s a little over excitable/boisterous? She always has a great party & provides super swell food. I say keep up the good work Spanky, but maybe lighten up on the party games so we can keep Pokeno rolling a bit more smoothly. Just an idea…

MYSTERY BOX

Phyllis was responsible for the July Mystery. After 7 tries, Missy finally won. She was SO excited! Phyllis provided a bag full of candles, candle holders, potpourri, tarts & a potpourri burner. Everything was red. Of course Peg had to note that most of that stuff would look good in her kitchen, but Missy wasn’t going for that. Missy will be responsible to bring the Box for August. Let’s hope it’s not cat food!

AUGUST POKENO

The party for August will be an end of summer Luau Blowout @ the Geib’s Tiki Hut. Saturday, August 23rd, 6:00. Kate G. guarantees she’ll personally lei everyone!!! No need to dress up for this party, just come as you are. I’ll let you know about the menu as the Luau gets closer.

RANDOM FUNNIES

Missy won the Mystery, so she got to call first. About ½ way through calling, she says “sing of spades”. I immediately started cracking up & she says, “Did I just say “sing”? We all started laughing so hard, we couldn’t play for a minute. I thought it was at least a King of spades, but no, it was actually a 6! Too funny!!!

Much later on in the evening, Missy was checking out the pictures hanging on the wall. Then she said, “Phyllis, who’s the guy that looks like he’s from the Partridge Family?” Kate G. turned a shade of bright red & we told Missy that was actually Roger’s senior portrait (circa 1990).

Patt was feeling a bit thirsty & asked Phyllis what was available. Phyllis ran off a list of stuff & Patt says, “I’ll have the Dr. Parker” Huh? What’s a Dr. Parker? Oh…she meant to say Dr. Pepper! We all got a good laugh outta that one too.

What??? Again, half the table can’t hear the cards being called. We made sure there wasn’t any music on and everything. Maybe we should invest in a megaphone to use while calling, or some of those old fashioned ear horns to assist those who can’t hear so well.

IMPORTANT POLICY REMINDERS

Below are some rules that have been in place ever since the very dawn of Pokeno (way back in the 90’s). I know we all get forgetful from time to time, and a few policies were violated this month. I thought I would take this section of the Rag to remind you all of a couple things:

Reminder #1: Guest Policy. We’re not taking new members, or guests for that matter. If you have an emergency & need to bring a guest, its common courtesy to let the hostess know ahead of time (on your way out the door even) so she can prepare an extra spot. Preparation also allows for less bickering over who’s sitting where. And, if you need to bring a guest, they MUST be over 18. Kids have never allowed at the table.

Reminder #2: Phone Policy. It’s acceptable to have your phone on the table during game play in case of an emergency. However, if you’re constantly being pestered by someone via call/text/etc., it’s a huge distraction to all those around you. Not to mention distracting you from your game. From this point on, if your phone starts to become a distraction during game play – it’ll be thrown outside.

Reminder #3: Cover All Policy. This month’s cover all was recockulous!!! I never want to go through that again. So, please be sure you are giving your FULL attention to the cards being called. From now on, if you miss a card that’s been called, it’s your own damn fault. There will be no more do-overs in the future, so y’all better look like paying attention! You’ve been warned – no more sniveling.

Your full cooperation with the above mentioned policies is greatly appreciated. Thank you

I, STATE YOUR NAME…

During the hazing ritual, Phyllis made us all take the following Pokeno Pledge.

I do hereby pledge
That in the presence of a Pokeno Sister
I will share the following:
A friendly smile
A dirty joke
Good (or bad) gossip
Words of encouragement
My Pokeno chips if needed
A cigar/cigarette when present

I pledge this in the name of the sisterhood
Known as “The Foxy Bitches”

May our dimes be plenty
Our cocktails always be full
Our cards always winners
Our spirits ALWAYS high!

FINAL THOUGHT

Just one more thing before I sign off. As the official Pokeno Secretary for the last…forever…I’ve observed a lot of stuff over the years. One thing I’ve noticed lately is that all I hear for the time leading up to party night is how excited everyone is to play. Then we get to the hostess’ house, play for a bit, and people start to get irritable and/or bitchy. Everyone seems more interested in hurrying up with the game to eat & go home.

Do we need to start/end the game earlier? Since nobody can ever show up on time, we definitely couldn’t start any earlier. Should there be an option of playing a round (with cover all), eating & leaving? If you want to stay longer, you can play another round? I really don’t know what the solution is, but I would like to get back to having a good time. I know it’s a lot of estrogen in the room, is that it? I’m not sure if it’s because you’re tired; you’re drunk; you’re full or what. The last time everyone started getting bitchy like this, the original PBI disbanded. I really don’t want that to happen again.

Personally, I look forward to Pokeno as an escape from everyday stress, my husband & kid, to hang out with my friends. I love my family, but I get to see them every single day. I only get to see my ladies once a month – the only “monthly” I actually look forward to! Do you think maybe we could get back on track and remember that this is a night for US? To “let ‘er rip”, eat, drink & be merry, heck even take off your bra if you want to! Come, have fun & have a few laughs. Just something for you to think about until next time…see you in August.