December 2010

To quote Mr. Tom Petty…”it’s Christmas all over again”! For the 2nd year in a row, Juggs hosted. Only, this time we didn’t have to drive to DE! We travelled jollily to her “homey” home to hang out w/ 5 cats, 2 dogs, exchange some gifts, eat some food & eventually play some cards! We ordered pizza & wings and there was also a veggie tray, spinach dip, cherries, Cosmos & cookies. As usual, nobody left hungry! After some of us got lost in Chiselhurst (after Kate tells us, “I always get lost in Atco”), we fired up the handy dandy GPS & made it to the party right around 4:20. We were hanging out for at least an hour before I even started taking notes. Much of that time was spent snacking and….yadda, yadda, yadda…some things are just completely unfit to print! We started our first hand @ 7:30! Debi was first caller & dropped the cards twice! After the 2nd dropping, she passed calling duties to me. Patt passed her call too so Spanky could call even sooner! At one point during the evening there was a very rare moment of silence! This is such a rarity that I had to note it. By this time, everyone was crashing from the sugar in the cookies & we were trying to regain conciseness w/ some coffee. As everyone was in their holiday food coma, someone was actually paying attention! Believe it or not, it turned out to be Lori! Its good when @ least 1 outta 8 is on the ball!

During this time, Debi announced her “Angel Raid”. She tweaked the idea that Spanky uses @ the Toga Party & passed out angels for a center instead of panties! You were only allowed to have 1 angel @ a time, but if you hit center, you could exchange an angel w/ another sister (more about that later). At the end of the night, we got to take our angels home as a lovely parting gift. Another “gift” from Debi was the party poppers. We all gathered them up to pop in unison, but Peg & Kate were scared it was gonna be too loud & plugged their ears. Even w/ 6 of us popping @ same time, it was about as noisy as a cheek pop! Inside the packages were party crowns, a tiny toy & lame jokes (not fortunes)! We all took turns reading our jokes aloud. The poppers were a big hit! Cosmo was noted to keep winning center all night! We called our 1st cover all around 9-ish when some “hostess luck” paid off & Debi won the cover all by herself! Marge, Peg & Lori left after that. The rest of us hung around for another round & split around 10-ish. A very festive time was had by all! Thanks again to Debi for being such a wonderful hostess.

MYSTERY BOX

Lori was responsible for the Jolly Old Mystery this month. Being the hostess paid off for Debi who was the big winner. Phyllis wanted to note that she was “bamboozled again!” after Deb originally picked 2 cards & we made her do-over, she pulled the Ace to beat Spanky’s King. There was a Santa theme to the box. Inside the giant Santa-wrapped box were a bunch of smaller Santa-wrapped gifts. There was a lump of coal; Santa mints; Santa Pez; Santa stocking w/ mini candy canes. We were chuckling over the size of the canes when Phyllis told us, “It’s not the size – it’s the tricks it can do!” That led to about 10 mins of hysterical giggling around the table. When we had regained our composure, Debi continued unwrapping to find: lollipops; Chocolate Santas filled w/ caramel & marshmallow. Then someone said, “Tis the season to share”! Deb shared them w/ Patt & Peg. Then there were a pair of Holiday socks, hand towel & mat. After the mat, someone said, “Santa can look at your crotch while you do the dishes!” More laughter…someone added, “What if she uses as a shower mat?” Even more laughter!!! Now, Debi will be responsible for the first Mystery of 2011.

APPARENTLY WE WERE ALL “NICE”

It may have taken 45 minutes, but we all managed to exchange gifts in an orderly fashion. I think everyone got what they wanted! Here’s the run-down: Debi had Phyllis. She got an AMC gift card & sparkling cinnamon candle. Phyllis gave Lori a box of super-great chocolates & bottle of orange vodka. Not sure how the 2 of them would taste together… Lori had an interesting predicament. She had her slip, but the person who filled it out forgot to sign her name. It turned out that person was Cosmo! She got cookies, a bunch of candles and (the most important thing) something hand-crafted. Lori gave Kate a framed version of a similar paper she did for all of us that had our best traits listed. Kate had Debi. On her slip, Deb asked for wine & “a massager like Phyllis”? What? Apparently, during the Halloween party, Deb showed everyone Phyllis’ neck wrap thingy – but Kate didn’t remember. So, Kate had a little fun…she wrapped a hand pump box w/ stickers & tags that said “Dilldoe”! Inside the box was actually a bottle of wine. In another box was a real massager too! I had Peg. Her Pollyanna slip said, “You know me well enough by now…” So, I went w/ a coffee theme. There was a French press; asst. coffees; Tastykake; mug & candle. Then, Peg had me! I got everything on my list! Bag of Doritos & Coca Cola; candles; and a gift card for Old Navy! Patt lost her slip & didn’t know who she had! She saved her gift for last & turns out it was Marge. She gave her a really funny card; angel & Wood wick candle. In another switcheroo, Marge had Patt! She gave her some books & jigsaw puzzle of boathouse row.

5…4…3…2…1…HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Is everyone ready for 2011? Come ring in the new year @ Cosmo’s Tiki Bar on SATURDAY 1/15. Cocktail hour starts @ 5:00. Game starts around 6-ish. Kate promises a “short man in fancy dress”. Not an actual dress… Bring your favorite appetizer to share and get ready to win or lose for the first time in the New Year!

RANDOM FUNNIES

The handi-capable cat! Debi is quite the animal lover. As noted in the opening bit up there, she has 5 cats & 2 dogs. One of the cats only has 3 legs! Debi keeps the cat food up on a desk in the kitchen. Then the cat sits there & meows to get up or down. We were all feeling bad for the cat, thinking she was gonna land on all 3’s! Debi then told us how this is all a cunning rouse to make us feel bad for the cat – she can actually get up & down all by herself!

Crack angel! During the course of the evening w/ the “Angel Raid” going on, those who were lucky enough to not hit center right around the end of the night were taking desperate measures to NOT have their angel stolen. Phyllis was threatening to hide hers up her ass. This was after she threatened to lick it & Peg didn’t care, she would take it anyway & just “wash it off”!

Orange paw! After the 1st cover all, Debi busted out some Cheetos (like we hadn’t eaten enough already). But, who can pass them up. We were all trying to be careful not to get “orange paw” all over our cards, chips & dimes.

EATING TIPS FOR THE HOLIDAYS

Special thanks to Lori (& Phyllis) for this one:

1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they’re serving rum balls.

2. Drink as much eggnog as you can and quickly. You can’t find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It’s not as if you’re going to turn into an "eggnog-aholic" or something. It’s a treat. Enjoy! Have one for me. Have two.

3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That’s the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand-alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.

4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they’re made with skim milk or whole milk. If it’s skim, pass. Why bother? It’s like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.

5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other people’s food for free.

6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year’s. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you’ll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.

7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don’t budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention. They’re like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them behind, you’re never going to see them again.

8. Same goes for pies. Apple, pumpkin and mincemeat - have a slice of each. Or, if you don’t like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?

9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it’s loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some standards.

10. One final tip: If you don’t feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven’t been paying attention.

11. Remember this motto: Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body. But rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in hand, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO-HOO what a ride!"

Merry Christmas to my Pokeno Sisters! It’s been another wonderful year packed full of fun, excitement, Mysteries, dimes & lots of good goodies to eat! I’m looking forward to 2011 when I’m sure there will be much of the same. Until next year, may the foxiest bitch win!

November 2010

This year, we went over the river & through the woods all the way to PA for our Thanksgiving party. Patt hosted a very relaxing evening. Debi brought an enormous bottle of wine as Patt’s hostess gift. Later in the evening (about ¾ of the way through the bottle) Patt noted, “The wine’s really good, it just makes you call bad”! And call bad she did…but you can read all about that part later! Oooooo…..suspense……

We started around 6-ish & wrapped up the first hand in just 29 minutes! Lori says, “That’s because I don’t fuck around”! Indeed! Before we started playing – after stuffing our faces w/ stuffing, turkey, pineapple pudding, sweet potatoes, 2X baked potatoes & green bean casserole – Patt thought the overhead light was too bright and we played by candlelight. It was very rustic! I wonder if that’s what the original Pokeno Pioneers did at the first Pokeno Thanksgiving. We did our only cover all around 8:30 to have apple crisp & coffee/tea. Marge, who had been losing all night (and whining about it) managed to win the cover all on her own. The rest of us needed the card on the very bottom!

Unfortunately, all of the Pokeno Sistas couldn’t be in attendance this month. Peg wasn’t feeling well & instead of bringing her germs with her to the party, she stayed home. Lori fixed a big plate of goodies to drop off on her way home. But, how she could drop off the package without getting sick herself? Kate offered a wet nap. Why is it that the wet nap is packaged just like a condom??? That’s it – the wet nap will fend off anything…wing sauce, baby puke, and the common cold! Just not any STD’s!

MYSTERY BOX

What could be in the Box this month? I don’t know! Marge kept us in suspense with her Mystery until Lori won. Inside was stuff to keep you warm this winter: soup/bowl, candle, peace mug, cocoa, hat/gloves/scarf combo. So you can burn a candle while wearing your hat/gloves/scarf as you eat some soup – in the bowl, and wash it all down w/ a mug of hot cocoa! Lori’s now responsible for the December Mystery. What could it be? I don’t know! Guess you’ll have to wait for the party…

HAVE YOU BEEN NAUGHTY OR NICE?

Another year has come & gone…can you believe it? Debi will once again be hosting our Holiday shin dig, only this year, it’s in Jersey! Ho, ho ho, who wouldn’t go to Debi’s house on SATURDAY, DECEMBER 11TH @ 4PM. Fill your sleighs with the following: cash for pizza (great idea Kate!), munchies/dessert, your Pollyanna gift, and a festive holiday spirit!

RANDOM FUNNIES

What the hell is that? During Lori’s lightning fast calling session, she said this after getting confused about what card she was looking at. Turns out it was a 2 of clubs!

Don’t sneeze! You’ll wake the baby! All night, Nathan was being uncooperative. The photos accompanying this Rag are the only 2 times he wasn’t crying! At one point, I thought he was gonna fall asleep while the ladies were chilling by the fire in the family room. Silly me!!! They were all trying to be quiet & kept shushing each other. Kate said she felt like she was @ a slumber party! It was right around then that someone sneezed! This prompted Patt to utter the opening line. Nathan was determined to be a Pokeno Party Animal no matter how many times you shushed yourselves or stifled your sneezes!

Other crap Patt said! Once in a while, we have a shining star amongst us. This month, it was Patt! You may remember my tease in the opening paragraph that the enormous wine made Patt call enormously bad. It was so bad in fact; we almost made her forfeit calling the cover all. She did manage to get through, but not before dropping the following gems. King of…shit! Nope, that’s a club! Later on, it was, King of Queens? Nope, that’s a diamond! And, I’m pretty sure that was a TV show too! Not very long after we stopped laughing @ that one, she called “Flush!” Upon further examination, she said, “No, but I REALLY want one!” It was so funny, we couldn’t even fine her! Lesson learned? Beware the giant wine!!!

THINGS YOU CAN ONLY SAY AT THANKSGIVING

Special thanks to Patt for this submission:

1. Talk about a huge breast!
2. Tying the legs together keeps the inside moist.
3. Its COOL WHIP time!
4. If I don't undo my pants, I'll burst.
5. That's one terrific spread.
6. I'm in the mood for a little dark meat.
7. Are you ready for seconds yet?
8. Its a little dry, do you still want to eat it?
9. Just wait your turn. You'll get some.
10. Don't play with your meat.
11. Just spread the legs open, and stuff it in!
12. Do you think you'll be able to handle all these people at once?
13. I didn't expect everyone to come at once.
14. You still have a little bit on your chin.
15. How long will it take after you stick it in?
16. You'll know it's ready when it pops up.
17. Wow! I didn't think I could handle all of that!
18. That's the biggest one I've ever seen!

I’m thankful to have finished another gobbler edition of the Rag. See you in this spot next time for all the Holiday festivities. Until next time, may the foxiest bitch win!

October 2010

It was remarkably warm for a mid-October evening! But that didn’t stop us from breaking out the costumes for our annual Halloween Spooktacular @ Spanky’s! Here’s a run-down of this year’s cavalcade of silliness: Spanky (drums), Cosmo (guitar) & I (singer) were a package deal as “The Manhole Maidens” rock band. Phyllis made a stamp & stamped up her shirt/boots. She also crafted up a chain so she could be more like her drummer idol…Animal from The Muppet Show. Kate rocked a Mohawk, animal print, pleather & a bandoleer of bullet shots. I just threw on some crap & made myself blond for the evening. Lori came as a “Fisherwoman” complete w/ giant stuffed fish. She stayed in her outfit long enough to take pictures & changed because she was overheating. Marge was a “Ninja”. Her costume could’ve been interpreted a few different ways. Please refer to my photo comparison quiz over there on the right side of the page; you’ll see what I mean. Peg dressed up as a “Black Ghost”. Why do they always have to be white? Patt & Debi came as “Pop-Eye” & “Extra Virgin Olive Oil”. They’re always so creative w/ their costumes! A great time was had by all – that’s the best “treat” by far!

Speaking of “treats”…Spanky had 2 extra treats for us this year. First was her “Guess the Number” game. There was a bunch of candy corn in a jar. Phyllis passed out personalized slips for us to make our best guesses. She said whoever came closest without going over would win. Lori wanted to know if this was like “Price Is Right” rules so she could bid $1. I’m sorry, but the price is wrong!!! Lori also made a crazy guess of over 2,000 or something. I figured it wouldn’t be that high as Phyllis just can’t be bothered with counting all those corns! My guess was 315 so I was the closest! I won some delicious candy corn cookies & decorative Halloween plate. I offered the cookies to the ladies, but there was so much other stuff to eat that nobody touched them. So, I shared the cookies w/ my neighbors & kids the next day. After the game, Spanky had written a spooky poem for our listening enjoyment! It was called “The Night before Halloween”. It was chock full of maggots & steaming bodies…oh my!

All this talk of maggots made everyone hungry, so we ran to the kitchen to dine on Chicken Parm, Hot Cheesy Spinach dip, Pasta, Salad, Mummy Dogs & Devilish Eyeball Eggs. After stuffing our faces with real food, we moved on to the goody table. Over there was punch, candy, witches fingers, Cheetos, chocolate covered pretzels & Oreos. Debi couldn’t keep away from the Cheetos! Every time she would put them back on the goody table, they would mysteriously show up on her card, her chair, etc. Was it a ghost from across the street having a little fun, or maybe it was that sneaky Chester Cheetah! As usual, everything was super yummy & everyone was quiet for a few minutes while chewing. Then we got on with the game. We did 3 callers with a cover all, and then another 2 callers before the final cover all. The 1st one was a 3-way split. Then we broke for coffee & cupcakes by Marge. By this time, I was so hopped up on sugar that I can’t remember who won the last cover all.

MYSTERY BOX

Peg was responsible for the Halloween Mystery. And what a Mystery it was! Again, we had a tie. This time it was between Marge & Spanky. This is the 2nd month in a row where Spanky has been all tied up! And it’s now the 2nd time in a row where she’s lost out. Inside the Boo! Bag & recycled “Happy B-day/Halloween” paper was a bunch of spooky ingredients: Tarantula egg, Lizard fat (butter), Bat Blood (vanilla extract) & a container full of ingredients that couldn’t be revealed under penalty of death! All of the spooky ingredients were followed up with a recipe for sugar cookies & Halloween cookie pan. Marge will be responsible for providing the next Mysery. Ooh, maybe it will be some delicious cookies…

COME BE THANKFUL

November means it’s time for our annual Thanksgiving Feast! We will gather together @ Peg-a-la’s on SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 20TH. It will be the usual fare of turkey, potatoes, sides & dessert. If memory serves me correctly (which is a 50/50 shot) it was too warm for a cozy fire last year. Maybe we’ll get to use it this year.

BREAST AWARENESS

As you probably know if you’ve watched TV, listened to the radio, or been overwhelmed at a grocery store awash in a sea of pink – October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month. Marge even worked a pink sash into her “ninja” costume! Patt & Debi are doing a cancer walk this month. As soon as they mentioned it, we leapt for our wallets to cough up donations. Various sisters managed to scrounge up $20. Patt said that all of her winnings from the game would also be donated. She won $23 for a grand total of $43 in donations! That might cover 1 very small boob! But, every boob counts!

Speaking of boobs… Marge & I recalled how hard it was to see Patt suffer back in the day. So I am very pleased to announce (drum roll please…) that Patt has been cancer-free for the last 17 years now! Hip hip hooray!!! We’re all very glad she’s still around to crack jokes, drive like a maniac & drop the F Bomb.

RANDOM FUNNIES

Pollyanna! For the first time ever in Pokeno history…we managed to pick Secret Santa’s without any issues! Hooray! There were no do-overs, no self picks…nothing! Way to go ladies!

Tongue Twister! Cosmo was complaining all night about being the “Itty Bitty Titty Committee”. Later on – not sure what exactly spurred it, but it turned into an Itty Bitty Titty Committee Shitty Pity Party! Don’t try to say it 5 times fast; you might break your lip and/or tongue.

Joke! After the Pity Party mentioned above, we were all laughing so hard that Kate needed a tissue. She delayed the call in order to take care of business, but it was taking forever! I guess she was still laughing or side tracked or something (imagine)! So I told her to make it dance & put a little boogie in it. This is a joke I remember from Kindergarten & everyone starts laughing. I’m glad that some “old school” humor can still bring a chuckle to the table.

Surprise! It was Kate’s turn to call. She was doing her usual hold up the card thing. We were glad she did because she called “7 of Diamonds” and we all started to tell her no when she said, “Surprise! It’s a Jack, not a 7”! I guess when you’re having so much fun that you send photos to the wrong people…7’s can look like J’s too.

Chalk up another memorable Halloween Spooktacular. Thanks again to everyone for putting effort into your costumes & thanks to Spanky for being such a wonderful hostess! Get ready to fast for the week before the Thanksgiving Feast so you have enough room for all the deliciousness. I’ll meet you in the buffet line! Until next time, may the foxiest bitch win!

September 2010

You know summer is officially over when we have our party @ the Tiki Bar. We (Roger) grilled up kebobs that I helped assemble alongside “Iron Chef” Phyllis who’s showing me how she busts out her Wolverine claws (w/ skewers) to do 3 at a time! In addition to the kebobs, we had fruit/veggies, pasta salads, jalapeño poppers, and other various snacks. We wrapped up first round sometime after 9 when we had coffee & brownies. Marge, Lori (taking ½ of the cover all) & Peg left after that. Leftovers were Deb, Patt, Kate, Phyllis & I. We carried on till around 11 and called it a night. A super swell time was had by all!

MYSTERY BOX

September’s hostess w/ the mostess (Cosmo) was responsible for the Mystery Box. Everyone picked a card – including Patt. Last time, she said she was removing herself for the next 3 Boxes! The cards were shown. It was a tie between Phyllis & Peg! The duel was on (insert wild west scene w/ tumbleweed blowing through here)! They drew again & this time, Peg was the winner! Before Kate passed along her gift, she warned that part of the Mystery was en route from China. Of course it showed up 2 days later, but Peg will have to wait to get that part at the next party. Anyway, inside was all about relaxing. There was a spa light, box of Calgon & a “Frankie says relax” sign. With all the drama Peg’s been having lately, it couldn’t have gone to a more deserving sister! I’m sure she’ll have something extra spooky & mysterious for October.

HALLOWEEN SPOOKTACULAR @ SPANKY’S

It’s hard to believe that summer is over. Even harder to believe than that is the fact that our annual Halloween bash will be held (at Phyllis’ of course) SATURDAY, OCTOBER 16TH @ 6:00. Costumes are mandatory! Last year we had a “male” stripper, condiments, ghouls, cats, devils, witches & kegs (oh my)! I wonder what’s in store this year… Whatever it is, I’m sure it’ll be great! On the menu is Bloody Bat Wings (Chicken Parm), Spiked Eyeballs (Cherry Bombs) & some sort of prebaked desert, Mummy Dogs, Artery-Clogger (Cheesy Spinach Bacon dip), Salad Bar, and assorted candy.

RANDOM FUNNIES

Friggin’ Lighter!!! Turns out, I was the only person at the table with a lighter. For some reason, it wasn’t behaving & didn’t always make fire. I got so frustrated that I shook it violently & said “friggin’ lighter”! Click – it worked! Wow!!! Later on, Lori needed to use it. She clicked a few times, shook it around, nothing. I told her she should try the “friggin’ lighter” thing. She did & voila! Let there be light! We all had a good laugh. A little while after that, Marge needs it. I told her she had to say the magic words for it to work. She made a feeble attempt & nothing! I told her she had to do it w/ gumption! After I said it correctly, it lit for her too! So, remember, if you ever need to use my lighter, you will have to ask its permission first!

Don’t Steal My Money!!! After winning 4 corners, postage & Pokeno all in a row, Deb needed to lie down for a few minutes. I guess all the excitement got to her! So, she goes to lie down & we break for a moment. She then decided that she’ll just “pass” the next few rounds. Marge offered me up to watch Deb’s card. I was having a hard enough time w/ my own card – thank you very much! Some wiseass said we can just take your money… Well, Deb was coherent enough to hear that one & hollered out to not steal her dimes. We played on while she took a break – without taking any of her hard earned money. A few rounds later, she was back & kicking our asses again…

Warning!!! Over the years, you slowly get to know all the little dark corners of your Pokeno sister’s minds. Some corners are scarier than others. Much later in the evening, while the leftovers were playing, someone said, “We’ll see”! Oh no you didn’t!!! Phyllis freaked out about how much she hates when people say that. In particular, her mom used this phrase a bunch while Phyllis was growing up! So, please, for future reference, don’t use this phrase around Phyllis or she’ll get very upset!

Here’s one last tootle-loo to summer 2010! Here’s looking forward to trees changing color, getting presents & hopefully no more blizzards! Until next time, may the foxiest bitch win!

August 2010

It’s once again time to indulge in our annual summer Toga party. It was made even more interesting this year with the addition of our birthday party. Our special 2-fer party was a big success. Phyllis fired up the grill for burgers & dogs. She also made a side of fried tomatoes w/ gravy. Debi discovered that if you added a fried tomato to the burger, it was even better! Kate provided cool, refreshing strawberry daiquiris for everyone. Marge & I brought salads (pasta & potato). Peg tended a milkshake bar for dessert (excellent idea). Patt & Debi brought a fruit tart. Phyllis made a birthday cake (we all sang along) with our logo on top.

For a party that was supposed to start @ 4…we didn’t even start playing until 8:00! We wrapped our evening up around 11:30. Peg wasn’t feeling so hot. She only lasted a few rounds, and then went to crash out w/ Nathan in the living room. We had lots of daiquiris to drink (alcohol makes Kate lucky) & gifts to open. When everyone settled in, the game flew by. We got all the way ‘round the table & had one big cover all. Phyllis got to call the cover all, but complained the rest of the time because she really wanted to call!!! We know, we hear this line every single game. And, every time we remind her that there’s an order. I think it was Debi who recommended we change her name from “Spanky” to “Skippy” because if she didn’t stop whining, she was gonna get skipped all together! I neglected to note who won at the end of the night, so hopefully you remember. At the end of the evening, Phyllis handed out home-made bath fizzies. Peg handed out little goodie bags w/ hand sanitizer, candy & dimes.

FOOD BUSINESS & FUN

In that order – do NOT attempt to stray! I already noted the food stuffs in the first section up there. Then we moved onto business. We discussed our September plans, did the Mystery (see section below) and then…dun-dun-dun-FUN!!! That part consisted of making Lori an official Pokeno Sister! It was her 1 year anniversary with us & all our craziness, so it was time to make her take the oath. Phyllis made Peg walk Lori outside to the front door (just like we all had to do). Lori told Peg she was scared & “why do I always do what Phyllis tells me”? Inside, we greeted Lori w/ hoots & hollers. Phyllis greeted her w/ a fishy hat & a paddle. After Lori stated her name & took the pledge, she was given her official Sister Name of “Giggles”! Phyllis also provided her w/ a replica scroll of her pledge & a commemorative mini-paddle w/ her name on it. There was so much fun to follow from this point that I had to break it down into categories!

Gift Exchange - After we were done torturing Lori, we exchanged gifts. Phyllis had Lori. She got a really lovely Pokeno bag! Inside the bag there was a change container (Pokeno Moola), magnetic wand & “magic” chips. Lori had me. I got a giant box w/ a 12-pack of Coca Cola, earrings, random lime & two 40’s! One of Corona & one of Bud Light w/ the lime already in there! I had Kate. She got a pan of brownies, K magnet, Twizzlers, best friend charm & a Cosmo painting. Kate had Marge. Her gift was wrapped in sunflower fabric, topped w/ silk sunflowers & held together w/ safety pins (how cute). Inside was her favorite perfume – Navy. Marge had Debi. After much running around to find her #1 request, Marge wound up getting her a bottle of wine from the liquor store around the corner! Deb had Peg. She handed off a lovely Victoria’s Secret bag. Peg was expecting lingerie, but…surprise! It was a Pokeno bag w/ wand, chips, ceramic seahorse & surprise gift! How does one use a “surprise gift”? Luckily, there were directions on the back! 1. Break water bag inside the gift w/ both hands completely. (Ed. Note - the last time I broke a water bag, a baby came out) 2. Shake the gift a few seconds, and then throw it away 3. Wait for a few seconds & you’ll get your surprise gift! This sent the whole table into fits of laughter! Throw the present away??? Surprise! It’s trash! Those Chinese & their sense of humor! Then we thought if we read the instructions like a fortune cookie by putting “in bed” after. But, that only worked for step #3… Peg had Patt. She gave her a goody bag w/ dimes, a beautiful turquoise cuff (see photo) & gift card for Barnes & Noble. Patt had Phyllis. It was a shiny silver bag w/ a card on the front labeled “Maturity”. That one’s for Spanky? Are you sure??? Inside the bag were “Eat Pray Love” & some other book. I’m pretty sure it wasn’t the Karma Sutra.

The Panty Raid - There were a pair of thongs (or were they dental floss?), a pair made of candy & some other cute ones. The Baby Phat panties made a comeback too. Phyllis had them first & put them on to show off her MC Hammer moves. Someone asked, “Are they really panties made for 2”? Later in the evening, Marge was chilly & Patt (who had the giant panties @ the time) lent them to her to keep warm. Not really sure how well the sheer panties did with that, but we all had a good laugh. Patt had a bunch of panties later in the evening & declared herself “the underpants gnome”. If you don’t watch South Park, you don’t get the joke, but I’ve put a visual aid over there on the side. Debenhams! This was the actual tag inside one of the pairs of panties that floated around during our raid. Patt had ‘em for a while when someone mentioned something about “right handed boyfriends”. I honestly don’t remember why this was said, but I’m sure I wrote it down for a reason, so hopefully one of you fine ladies gets that joke… Another funny was someone (can’t remember who) had a pair of panties & said “look at the pretty BLOW on the front”!!! What kind of panties are these anyway??? No, no, no…she meant to say BOW. I can see how one might make that mistake.

MYSTERY BOX

Patt was once again responsible for the Box this month. She says that after this one, she will voluntarily remove herself from the next 3 Mystery drawings. Good, that’ll give the other ladies a chance! I’m sure I’ll be reporting that Patt was the winner again in November/December. But, anyway, this time around, Cosmo was the big winner! Patt prefaced the Box pass off by saying that she wanted to go back to the old days of Pokeno & not do anything over the top, so she picked something to go w/ the evening. Inside the Box (with still recycled paper) was a bunch of BBQ essentials: chef’s hat, sauce brush, cookbook, giant bottle opener magnet & apron.

PARTY @ THE TIKI BAR

September’s party will be “no frills”. So, come to Kate’s house on SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 18TH @ 6:00. The hot tub is up & running, so if you’re interested in taking a dip, bring a bathing suit & towel. Unfortunately, our cards aren’t waterproof, so we actually have to play the game inside the house. Kate will have Roger grill us up some kebobs & we’ll probably have some other face-stuffing goodies there too.

BIRTHDAY SHOUT-OUTS

This month, we have 2 of our foxy ladies celebrating birthday milestones. They had to share the tiara. At one point it popped off of Kate’s head. That meant it was Lori’s turn again. Later on, Lori was wearing the tiara & a thong (on her head) at the same time. Cosmo turned 35 this year. That makes her officially in her mid-thirties. I don’t have too much room to bust balls here as I will join her in October. But, another sister is celebrating an even bigger milestone. She’s super swell & nifty! She’s Lori & she’s 50! Here’s to at least 50 more birthdays for both!

RANDOM FUNNIES

Hormono? That’s how Phyllis has been feeling lately. It seemed that everyone was busted up (physically or emotionally) this month. But, Spanky’s sciatic nerve was flaring up real bad. She just got most of the feeling back in her foot/leg a few hours before the party started.

4 in a Corner? That’s how Phyllis referred to her Postage Stamp. As noted above, Phyllis wasn’t feeling like herself this month, so we let it slide. We laughed like hell first, but we let it slide.

Whaddya workin on? All around the table it was “I’m workin on Pokeno” or “I’m workin on 4 corners”. Well, I wasn’t workin on anything so I said, “I’ve been workin on the railroad all the live long day”! Everyone laughed & someone made me write it down so I wouldn’t forget to mention it here.

Bring your own what now? Someone was looking around the table & noted, “Instead of bring your own bottle, it’s bring your own boobs here”! So, please remember that BOB is mandatory for all games!

CITRUS MASQUE RECIPE

From time to time, I like to share beauty tips. For those of you that need a facial purge, try this one. I used it myself & my skin felt great when I was done!
Take 1 Tbsp each of citrus juice (lemon or lime – but not Sprite) & baking soda. Mix up really well. It will fizz like crazy for a minute, but that’s what it’s supposed to do. Wait for the fizz to die down & slather the paste all over your face. Let it sit for 20 mins & rinse. Your face will be squeaky clean & lemony fresh!

See, I put the masque thing at the end so you could read the whole Rag before accidentally squirting lemon juice in your eye, thus, temporarily blinding you. Sorry bout that… Well, until next time, may the foxiest bitch win!

June 2010

I’m baaaaaaaaaaack bitches…..I mean…”ladies”….. Can I just take a moment here to tell you how nice it was for me to be at the table again! It was just what I needed. I felt much more “normal” (if that’s possible) after an afternoon of fun & frivolity with my Pokeno Sisters. Everyone was in attendance this time around so it made for a very fun time. Patt would like to request that from now on, the Tea Party starts @ 2pm instead of 1. That’s fine since most of us didn’t show up till around then (if not after) due to traffic & power outages. As if the back to back blizzards we had over the winter weren’t bad enough, now we have to deal w/ months-long heat waves & crazy thunderstorms! We didn’t even start playing until 3:39! Thanks, Mother Nature!!!

Debi’s house took a battering during a storm a few days before our party. She lost a bunch of trees & had no power or water! On top of that, she’s hosting her daughter’s wedding reception (in her busted up yard) in a few weeks! Patt & Marge to the rescue! They went over to help clean up. Reports are that 1 week before, all is looking good. The yard may look swell, but looks like guests will be sweltering in the 100 degree heat they’re predicting! Deb wanted to note that she did have just enough water to shower before the game – much to the delight of those sitting on either side of her. But, she couldn’t dress up/do her hair due to lack of power! Near the end of the game, she got a call telling her the power was finally back on after 3 days.

We arranged the cups in a most fun way this month. Patt put them on her lazy Susan in the middle of the table. Some put in normally while others took the opportunity to play “carnival games” & spin the cups while putting in! This was quite entertaining. Marge & Peg both left their stuff @ home and it turned out to be bad luck for both of them! I don’t think either won more than 1 pot the whole day. Peg learned her lesson & says she’ll NEVER leave the Seahorse@ home again!

The food was delicious as always. We had sammiches, mini baked goods, sausage & cheese balls, pineapple pudding, and some other stuff. It was a bit hot for tea (for some), so Patt made iced as well. Debi realized that if you mixed the sausage balls w/ pudding, it made for a taste sensation! Everyone else tried & agreed w/ her. Weeks before the party, Phyllis was begging Kate to make the chicken curry sammiches. She was going to take one out before it even got into the trunk, but she didn’t. So, the whole drive over to PA Phyllis was dreaming of spicy chicken. We started eating & there goes Phyllis filling up the sammich pocket on her lovely sundress! Cleavage is no place for a sammich!!! As you can see, we were all on our most “lady-like” behavior this month.

MYSTERY BOX

Debi was responsible for the Tea Party Mystery. Amazingly, she managed to put something together despite all the issues @ home! The hostess luck was w/ Patt who won the Box for the…oh, I don’t know…millionth time? Seriously, I believe she’s set a record for most wins! Anyway, inside the recycled box was an “Emergency Kit” - cooler packed to the brim w/ goodies. There was a personal fan (missing blades); water bottle; 1st aid kit; light pen; ice pack; aspirin; batteries (for the fan) & hand sanitizer. Debi felt so bad about not noticing the fan was missing blades that she offered to replace it. Instead, she gave Patt $10 to call it even!

GONNA WEAR A TOGA LIKE ITS YER BIRFDAY

After much discussion, we couldn’t all agree on a date that would work in July, so it looks like we’re skipping another month. Next get together will be our annual Toga Party @ Phyllis’ on SATURDAY 8/21. Come @ 4 if you wanna swim. We’ll get down to business around 6:00. Since we have to skip a month, this is a 2-for-1 party because we’ll also be celebrating everyone’s birthday. Don’t forget to bring your gift & be ready to par-tay!

RANDOM FUNNIES

Po-Fucking-keno! There was too much stuff going on at once when Patt hit that pot & that’s what came out. She continued on calling for another round, but it was still too much. So, she passed the cards & the bad chi off to me. I started out strong, but a few rounds in, I totally forgot that I was the one who was supposed to be calling! We sat for a few minutes until I realized where I was & continued on from there.

Sharp as??? A bowling ball? Phyllis came out with this one. There were groans/chuckles around the table when she followed it with “Butter me up, I’m on a roll”! Oh boy…

I’m sure there will be more groaners to come in August. Until next time, may the foxiest bitch win!

May 2010

This is gonna be a short one since I wasn’t even in attendance this month to take proper notes. I’m throwing this Rag together from some text messages & notes from Phyllis. It almost didn’t happen at all because Kate was having some plumbing issues. Namely her sewer main broke. They had to wait 2 weeks to get it fixed, and then as it was being fixed, they broke the water main too! It was all patched up & working as good as new. However, in order to re-route the pipes, they had to cut a hole in the foundation. It was supposed to be filled in around the sides, but before that happened, we had some rain which flooded the basement! A few days before the party, Kate called me & was going to cancel. But, in true Foxy fashion, she didn’t let a little thing like a flooded basement get in her way! OH NO! She got it all cleaned up & still managed to pull off the party. From the sound of things, it seemed like everyone had a good time.

Peg was also a no show - she had a graduation party to go to. Marge was supposed to play, but earlier in the day she was viciously attacked by her dining room table. The attack left her shin badly injured (see Exhibit A). It wound up being just the 5 “new” ladies this month. There’s usually at least 1 OG at the table. Wait…wait…hold on a second…I just did the math in my head. We’ve been playing together as this group now for 1 – 4 years now! I don’t think that means anyone’s “new” anymore! Patt won the 1st cover all by herself. Maybe it’s her good karma for making it to Pokeno 4 minutes early (see Exhibit B) for the first time ever! The 2nd cover all was split by Lori & Phyllis. At least I think those are the proper text messages. Lemontinis were flowing which led to some drunken texting…but it was nice to be kept in the loop all night. Thanks again for all your “support” ladies! I’m hopeful to be joining you at the table again real soon.

MYSTERY BOX

Lori was responsible for the May Mystery. It had a patriotic theme. There were some candles, a decorative basket, plates & napkins in there. Debi was the winner this time around!

ONE LUMP OR TWO?

As has become tradition now, Patt will be the hostess w/ the mostess in June. It will be our annual Tea Party. This time we will NOT be exchanging birthday gifts. We’ll be saving that for the Toga Party @ Phyllis’ in July. It’s optional to come in your fanciest “lady-like” attire. Wear whatever you want & be ready to drink some tea! Make your way to PA on SATURDAY, JUNE 26TH @ 1:00 PM.

BIRTHDAY SHOUT OUTS

We have not just 1, but 2 Foxy Ladies celebrating birthdays this month. Marge turned 60! Kate & her friends thought it was funny to decorate every inch of the house with signs to remind her that she’s officially over the hill. Marge missed out on sharing the birthday crown with Debi who isn’t quite that old just yet. Seriously, happy birthday ladies!!! Hope you enjoyed your day!

AMAZING CATS

They once were lost, but now they're found! Can I get a hallelujah??? Kate was pleased to announce that the Pokeno Cat banner that's been missing since December '09 has reappeared. It was hung by her (fake fireplace) chimney with care. I'm pretty sure the banner is staying in the bag from now on to ensure that it'll show up wherever we play. And, just in case, we have a back up banner too!

FRIENDLY REMINDER – TAKE TWO

We were supposed to have our birthday party in June, but since so many of us couldn’t make it to the May game to draw slips; we opted to have a Birthday Toga Party @ Phyllis’ in July instead. So, Pollyanna will now be drawn during the Tea Party. Try to think of 3 things you might like to have so you can fill out your Pollyanna slips in an orderly fashion…or at least try to…

That appears to be all that happened in May. Thanks again to my super sexy fill-in for helping out. Until next time, may the foxiest bitch win!

March 2010

My apologies for the delay in my Pokeno secretarial tasks…but as you can see over there on the right side of the page, I was busy birthin’ a baby! This is the first time in the last 2 days that he’s actually sleeping during the day, so I have a chance to remind you what happened two months ago…

It was an “Irish Spring” theme @ Peg’s house in March. Not because of the soap, but because it was the month of the Irish & spring finally sprung! After the back to back blizzards we had this year, I’m super happy to see some flowers, tweeting birds & greenish grass! I’m sure the rest of you ladies agree. Once again, you ladies made/brought some delicious treats to the party. We had Cola Ham, pineapple pudding, twice baked potatoes, soda bread, cinnamon rolls & Irish potatoes. Lori whipped up some very potent cocktails. They had some dirty names, but I didn’t note them (sorry). We had a late start of 8:00 because we all stuffed our faces before playing.

MYSTERY BOX

Patt was responsible for the Mysterious responsibility of bringing a Box with her. I think she might be leading a record for most wins! This time around, Lori was the winner. March’s Box was wrapped to look like a piece of candy. Patt said “don’t pay attention to the packaging – its recycled paper”. Inside the lovely packaging there was a Pez bunny; solar garden stake/lamp (thanks Bob); Peeps; a Reese’s egg & tomato grow kit.

MAY POKENO

We decided to take off for the month of April because everyone was super busy. We will resume play once again on SATURDAY, MAY 22ND @ Kate’s house. We will be having a no frills style game. So please remember to bring some cash with you to order pizza/food.

FRIENDLY REMINDER

For the last 2 years now, we have held our annual Birthday Tea Party in June @ Patt’s house. This year will be no exception. We will square away a date/time/menu during business at the May game, but I wanted to take this opportunity to remind everyone to get their outfits ready & try to think of 3 things you might like to have so you can fill out your Pollyanna slips in an orderly fashion…or at least try to…

March was short & sweet. I wonder what kind of fun awaits us in May… Until next time, may the foxiest bitch win!

February 2010

We had our Valentine’s party @ Phyllis’ house again this year. It was a super duper comfy party where everyone came as comfy as they wanted to be. Well, everyone except for Peg & Lori who were no-shows this month. Peg was battling a cold & Lori had family visiting from out of state, so she had to entertain them instead of us. We were all on time this month, but after announcements & business, we didn’t actually start playing until 7:00. By 7:30, we were on our first caller & only 3 people had cut! We thought that meant we were in for a long night, but we managed to pick up the pace & wrapped up around 10-ish(I think). We couldn’t get putting in right all night. You’d think with just 6 of us playing, we would have it under control but…nnnooooo! We had to start putting in as teams so we wouldn’t mess up anymore!

Phyllis made super tasty chicken alfredo & lovely chocolate cake. Marge brought some cream horns. I baked up some bacon/cheddar rolls. Patt brought some tasty fresh fruit & Kate made delicious “naughty & nice” Strawberry Daiquiris. On the table, Phyllis put out Valentine’s candy. It was the Dove Martha Stewart variety which included precious pearls of wisdom inside the wrapper. They were all pretty corny, so as we were reading them out loud, Phyllis thought it would be fun to do like you do w/ a fortune cookie & add “in bed” at the end. This did make it much more entertaining! Debi passed out some old-fashioned Valentine cards & stickers, Kate passed M&M’s and Fun Dip around. I gave everyone a glow bracelet & stickers. At the end of the night, Phyllis gave us all mini flower arrangements to take home. There was a little bit of love for everyone!

MYSTERY BOX

I was responsible for bringing the Mystery to the party this time. Patt was the big winner! The box may have been small, but it was chock full of goodies! It was all about loving yourself…NOT like that! Get your minds out of the gutter! There were all kinds of things to make you feel pretty: body scrub, hand lotion, hand sanitizer, heart health/vitamin C packs, smart heart cereal, a Mary Kay lip gloss/perfume combo & silver heart bracelet in a butterfly trinket box. Perfect for Patt since she loves butterflies!

MARCH POKENO

It’s going to be an “Irish Spring” theme @ Peg’s house this year. Be there & be ready to party on SATURDAY, MARCH 27th @ 6:00. We will be dining on ham, pineapple pudding, potatoes & soda bread.

CASE OF THE MISSING CATS

When Kate hosted the January party, the Pokeno Cat banner was missing (dun dun dun…dramatic music)! She took the banner from the Christmas Extravaganza back to her house. We all had a whole bunch of stuff for that party & the Jeep was loaded to the max for the ride home. Kate tore her house apart trying to find the banner to bring to Phyllis’ this month. However, after much looking – it’s nowhere to be found! Kate was very upset because she knows how much work Marge put into it. So, she went online & managed to find a (90% done) exact copy of the banner! She had to order it from some lady in England and is hopeful it’ll be here in time for the March party. This spurred us to take a vote that from now on; the banner will live in the Pokeno bag & just visit the hostesses’ house on the evening of the game. Phyllis has her own theory about what happened…she thinks Kate’s boy cats took the banner to use it like some sort of Playmate pin-up somewhere in the basement. We all got a good chuckle out of that one.

TASTES LIKE CHICKEN!

Even though Peg was a no show this month, she sent the Mystic Seahorse in her place. Patt had him hiding in her pocket. We decided to pass him around the table (to the left of course) to see if his mystical powers would work for us common folk too. Thanks to my Statistical Dept (Debi), it was noted that everyone who used him…or in some cases abused him…won at least 1 pot. Exception to this rule was Phyllis who was extra super nice to the “Seaho” & won 3 times in a row. Marge was noted to reluctantly take the seahorse & stuck him in her jacket pocket while she played. Then he fell on the floor & she tried to pass him along to Kate. Kate was too scared to hold him after what happened w/ the cat banner so she passed him along to Debi who won the 2nd cover all of the night. I guess some of us had better luck with the Seahorse than others.

RANDOM FUNNIES

What kind of party? Back in the day, our mothers would have ladies only get-togethers just like we do with Pokeno. Only difference was, they would go bowling or have Tupper Wear parties. Someone heard this as “rubber wear parties” & the laughter began! I guess in a way Tupper Wear IS kind of rubbery. Not really sure, but that was just one of the many things that got us giggling this month!

Dog-gone it! Debi was getting her stuff together for Pokeno & had her bag sitting on the floor. One of her dogs, “Killer” the Chihuahua, likes to root through her bag. I guess it always smells like someone’s animals, or delicious food. Anyway…Killer goes rummaging through the bag. Next thing she knows, Debi looks over & sees Killer running around the house w/ her magnetic chip wand stuck to the spikes on the dog collar! I even made an artist’s rendering (actual picture of Debi’s dog) to show you how funny this must have looked!

WORKOUT RECOMMENDATION

Some of you may have made a new year’s resolution to get in shape/eat better/workout more. My stepmom passed along this new workout routine & I thought the rest of you might like to try it as well.
• Begin by standing on a comfortable surface, where you have plenty of room at each side.
• With a 5-lb potato bag in each hand, extend your arms straight out from your sides and hold them there as long as you can. Try to reach a full minute, and then relax.
• Each day you'll find that you can hold this position for just a bit longer. After a couple of weeks, move up to 10-lb potato bags.
• Then try 50-lb potato bags and then eventually try to get to where you can lift a 100-lb potato bag in each hand and hold your arms straight for more than a full minute.
• After you feel confident at that level, put a potato in each bag.

Before I sign off for the month, I’d like to take a moment to send out a great big THANK YOU to my fellow Pokeno sisters for throwing me (& Nathan) a super fantastic baby shower. It was really fun & I got most of my lost items replaced! Thanks again for all your love & support during the last 8 months.

That’s all the love we were feeling for February. I’m sure there will be lots more fun stuff to report on next month. Until next time, may the foxiest bitch win!

January 2010

Happy New Year everyone! We settled in to play our first official game of the year at Kate’s Tiki Lounge. Even though we only had appetizers this time, we still had plenty to stuff our faces with! Crab nachos, spinach dip, pepperoni/cheese/crackers, monkey bread, salsa dip, fruit, won tons & mini quiche. The food sucked! HA! Just kidding…I just felt like saying something other than “it was delicious” – like I do every other month! Kate wanted to change it to a “sweatpants party” at the last minute, but when she saw us all rolling up with our bling on – we decided to save the comfy clothes for next month. It was funny because nobody was really dressed up, we just all happened to show up in pants, cute tops & sparkly jewelry. Phyllis’ choker was so sparkly that it was a distraction to those sitting across the table from her!

There were 3 way flushes all night! Seriously…it got old after a while! Let’s try to not have that happen anymore…ok? Remember how Kate got a cool new magnetic chip/wand combo from Debi last month? Well, she did...and it was a good thing she did because she was throwing/dropping chips all over the floor all night! Lady luck was with birthday girl Patt when she was the big winner at the end of the night winning a cover all on her own.

WE’RE ALL HEART!

This year, our Valentine’s party will be held at Phyllis’ house. Be there on SATURDAY 2/27 @ 6:00. Come in your sweatpants, jammies, or most comfortable outfit. It’s may be a V-day party, but we all decided we still wanna be super comfy this time. Nothing wrong w/ being comfy I say… Phyllis will be making Chicken Alfredo for our main dish. The rest of the menu will fall in place sometime between now & then.

MYSTERY BOX

Not only was it our first game of the year, but it was Lori’s first time to bring a Mystery Box! The big winner was me! The box was a bit heavy & wrapped in snowman paper (that should’ve been a clue to the theme). Inside, it was stuffed to the max with snowball cookies (in snowman tin) – plus plates to share, tote, platter, snowflake tablecloth & other various snowman decorations.

SHOUT OUTS

#1 - Here’s a big shout out to Patt for celebrating a birthday this month! Hooray!!! Unfortunately, when I packed the many bags for our Christmas party – I took the tiara out to make room for other stuff. So, Patt had no crown to wear. Please see my artist’s rendering of her on the side bar over there. That’s what she may have looked like if I had remembered the crown.

#2 – Peg had a big announcement for us. You might remember a few months ago, Peg announced that Ophelia & the Mystic Seahorse were expecting their first child together. She was pleased to announce they had a lovely baby seahorse. Her name is “Jewels” because she’s covered in tiny pink crystals. I’ll have to take a photo to post here next time.

HELP WANTED

As I’m sure you’ve heard by now (but may have forgot), Marge & Peg are currently out of work. Both Penn Fish & Peg’s patient have shut down permanently. Since the best place to find employment is through networking, I’d like to post a note right here to remind you that if you hear of anyone looking for an experienced secretary/office worker – you can refer them to Marge. Or, if someone is looking for a stress relieving massage/home health aide – please refer them to Peg.

RANDOM FUNNIES

It’s All Sticky! Lori brought a tasty cocktail to the party. They were called “Cowboy Cocksuckers”. As you can imagine; this lead to a bunch of snickers & chuckles around the table. At one point, Lori spilled hers all over her card & it got all sticky! When the words came out of her mouth, this just led to even more chuckling around the table! Probably wouldn’t have been nearly as funny if it didn’t already have such a bad name!

Hold On…What??? Another first for the Foxy Sisters… Early in the evening, we were settling in. For some reason there were like 3 conversations going on at the same time. Imagine! Being the “voice of reason” this time was…Phyllis??? Yes, she actually told us we were being too loud!

WTF??? While reviewing my notes from the party in order to assemble this month’s Rag, I came across the following note… “Waltzing bitches? Long flowing locks – nice dresses”. Can anybody remember what that was about? I sure as hell can’t! This is probably right around the same time Kate was talking about “Pink Warriors” & I was laughing so hard, I was hyperventilating! Any assistance would be greatly appreciated.

Ahh, I’ve finished the first Rag of the year! One down, 11 more to go & then start all over again! Until next time, may the foxiest bitch win!

December 2009

December is the time for our annual Holiday party. This year, we partied down in Delaware. Since we were 2 hours from home, we decided to make this one a slumber party. It was a nice trip to get to a lovely house for a lovely evening. “Love One Another” was the motto of the evening thanks to the inspirational sign hanging in Debi’s kitchen. Everything was very festive. We had a tree, decorations, even a mini train set. There were stockings hung by the chimney w/ care. Unfortunately, Debi found that if you hang the stockings too close to the fire part of the fireplace, the toes may get a little warm.

We had lots of good stuff to eat. We wrapped up around 12:00, although some people stayed up & played until around 1:30. Then on Sunday morning, some of us were up @ 7-ish makin’ bacon, waffles, pancakes & eggs before we headed back up north. Marge skipped breakfast & rolled out around 9. She took all of her winnings with her. She hit 3 in a row on the first cover all.

Thank goodness we picked the weekend we did as the following Saturday we were hit with the biggest snow storm in the last 100 years! Timing is everything!

MYSTERY BOX

Patt was responsible for the Holiday Mystery. Lori won for the very 1st time! Patt stuffed the Box as a car emergency kit. A blanket, flashlight, hand warmers, snacks and other goodies were inside. Lori was very excited to win. I wonder what she’s going to bring…hmm….

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

I don’t know about you guys, but 2009 just seemed to fly by. Now we have to plan our big New Year’s party. This year we’ll be ringing in 2010 @ The Mt. Holly Tiki Lounge on Saturday, JANUARY 16TH. We will be doing appetizers this time around since we stuffed ourselves for the last 2 months with the holidays.

HO HO HOLIDAY WRAP UP

In case you forgot in the flurry of flying wrapping paper – here’s a rundown of who got what. Debi gave Kate an angel, hand-crafted dime tree, grooming kit & tote bag w/ magnetic chips & matching wand. Kate was super excited as she left her money/chips @ home & didn’t remember until we were well on our way to the party. Kate gave Phyllis a wine rack & wine fund that will go perfect in her Tuscan kitchen. Phyllis had a special Christmas dance to present Lori with her gift of a decorative snowman. Lori gave Marge a gift card for dinner @ Charlie Brown’s. Marge gave Debi a homemade wine bag to hold her Manichewitz & rechargeable batteries. Patt gave me 2 beautifully scented candles & bag of coffee. I gave Peg 2 pairs of cuddly slipper socks & tucked inside one of the toes was a gift card to get her nails done. Peg gave Patt a Christmas…tampon??? No, not really…just wrapped to look that way. Peg also gave out personalized Tupperware containers to all of us for leftovers the next morning. Lori made glasses for everyone. They still had to be baked and/or completed & should be ready for a New Year’s toast @ Kate’s house. I gave everyone a little something along with a bag of home-made cookies. Marge gave everyone some little crafty things. Debi gave us all personalized stockings filled with goodies. As usual, everyone gave/got lots of nice stuff. Thanks to everyone for your generosity!

RANDOM FUNNIES

Funny #1: Timing is everything! Patt noted that she was “always in the right place at the right time”!

Funny #2: The chips are supposed to go on your card! Debi gave some of her chips to the baby bank, and then gave Lori some to put into the pots! Later in the evening, Debi almost ate a chip instead of whatever she was snacking on at the time.

YOU KNOW YOU’RE BROKE WHEN…

Right about now, you’re probably maxed out on your credit cards from all that holiday shopping. Here’s how you know you’re really broke:

• AMEX calls & says, “Leave home without it!”
• You’re working on a plan to rob the food bank
• You clean your house in the hopes of finding change
• You think of a scratch-off ticket as an “investment”
• Your bologna has no first name
• McDonald’s supplies all of your kitchen condiments
• You wash your toilet paper
• You’re sterilizing your urine for re-consumption

Here’s to the last Rag of 2009 & wondering what’s ahead in 2010… Until next time, may the foxiest bitch win!