December 2010

To quote Mr. Tom Petty…”it’s Christmas all over again”! For the 2nd year in a row, Juggs hosted. Only, this time we didn’t have to drive to DE! We travelled jollily to her “homey” home to hang out w/ 5 cats, 2 dogs, exchange some gifts, eat some food & eventually play some cards! We ordered pizza & wings and there was also a veggie tray, spinach dip, cherries, Cosmos & cookies. As usual, nobody left hungry! After some of us got lost in Chiselhurst (after Kate tells us, “I always get lost in Atco”), we fired up the handy dandy GPS & made it to the party right around 4:20. We were hanging out for at least an hour before I even started taking notes. Much of that time was spent snacking and….yadda, yadda, yadda…some things are just completely unfit to print! We started our first hand @ 7:30! Debi was first caller & dropped the cards twice! After the 2nd dropping, she passed calling duties to me. Patt passed her call too so Spanky could call even sooner! At one point during the evening there was a very rare moment of silence! This is such a rarity that I had to note it. By this time, everyone was crashing from the sugar in the cookies & we were trying to regain conciseness w/ some coffee. As everyone was in their holiday food coma, someone was actually paying attention! Believe it or not, it turned out to be Lori! Its good when @ least 1 outta 8 is on the ball!

During this time, Debi announced her “Angel Raid”. She tweaked the idea that Spanky uses @ the Toga Party & passed out angels for a center instead of panties! You were only allowed to have 1 angel @ a time, but if you hit center, you could exchange an angel w/ another sister (more about that later). At the end of the night, we got to take our angels home as a lovely parting gift. Another “gift” from Debi was the party poppers. We all gathered them up to pop in unison, but Peg & Kate were scared it was gonna be too loud & plugged their ears. Even w/ 6 of us popping @ same time, it was about as noisy as a cheek pop! Inside the packages were party crowns, a tiny toy & lame jokes (not fortunes)! We all took turns reading our jokes aloud. The poppers were a big hit! Cosmo was noted to keep winning center all night! We called our 1st cover all around 9-ish when some “hostess luck” paid off & Debi won the cover all by herself! Marge, Peg & Lori left after that. The rest of us hung around for another round & split around 10-ish. A very festive time was had by all! Thanks again to Debi for being such a wonderful hostess.

MYSTERY BOX

Lori was responsible for the Jolly Old Mystery this month. Being the hostess paid off for Debi who was the big winner. Phyllis wanted to note that she was “bamboozled again!” after Deb originally picked 2 cards & we made her do-over, she pulled the Ace to beat Spanky’s King. There was a Santa theme to the box. Inside the giant Santa-wrapped box were a bunch of smaller Santa-wrapped gifts. There was a lump of coal; Santa mints; Santa Pez; Santa stocking w/ mini candy canes. We were chuckling over the size of the canes when Phyllis told us, “It’s not the size – it’s the tricks it can do!” That led to about 10 mins of hysterical giggling around the table. When we had regained our composure, Debi continued unwrapping to find: lollipops; Chocolate Santas filled w/ caramel & marshmallow. Then someone said, “Tis the season to share”! Deb shared them w/ Patt & Peg. Then there were a pair of Holiday socks, hand towel & mat. After the mat, someone said, “Santa can look at your crotch while you do the dishes!” More laughter…someone added, “What if she uses as a shower mat?” Even more laughter!!! Now, Debi will be responsible for the first Mystery of 2011.

APPARENTLY WE WERE ALL “NICE”

It may have taken 45 minutes, but we all managed to exchange gifts in an orderly fashion. I think everyone got what they wanted! Here’s the run-down: Debi had Phyllis. She got an AMC gift card & sparkling cinnamon candle. Phyllis gave Lori a box of super-great chocolates & bottle of orange vodka. Not sure how the 2 of them would taste together… Lori had an interesting predicament. She had her slip, but the person who filled it out forgot to sign her name. It turned out that person was Cosmo! She got cookies, a bunch of candles and (the most important thing) something hand-crafted. Lori gave Kate a framed version of a similar paper she did for all of us that had our best traits listed. Kate had Debi. On her slip, Deb asked for wine & “a massager like Phyllis”? What? Apparently, during the Halloween party, Deb showed everyone Phyllis’ neck wrap thingy – but Kate didn’t remember. So, Kate had a little fun…she wrapped a hand pump box w/ stickers & tags that said “Dilldoe”! Inside the box was actually a bottle of wine. In another box was a real massager too! I had Peg. Her Pollyanna slip said, “You know me well enough by now…” So, I went w/ a coffee theme. There was a French press; asst. coffees; Tastykake; mug & candle. Then, Peg had me! I got everything on my list! Bag of Doritos & Coca Cola; candles; and a gift card for Old Navy! Patt lost her slip & didn’t know who she had! She saved her gift for last & turns out it was Marge. She gave her a really funny card; angel & Wood wick candle. In another switcheroo, Marge had Patt! She gave her some books & jigsaw puzzle of boathouse row.

5…4…3…2…1…HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Is everyone ready for 2011? Come ring in the new year @ Cosmo’s Tiki Bar on SATURDAY 1/15. Cocktail hour starts @ 5:00. Game starts around 6-ish. Kate promises a “short man in fancy dress”. Not an actual dress… Bring your favorite appetizer to share and get ready to win or lose for the first time in the New Year!

RANDOM FUNNIES

The handi-capable cat! Debi is quite the animal lover. As noted in the opening bit up there, she has 5 cats & 2 dogs. One of the cats only has 3 legs! Debi keeps the cat food up on a desk in the kitchen. Then the cat sits there & meows to get up or down. We were all feeling bad for the cat, thinking she was gonna land on all 3’s! Debi then told us how this is all a cunning rouse to make us feel bad for the cat – she can actually get up & down all by herself!

Crack angel! During the course of the evening w/ the “Angel Raid” going on, those who were lucky enough to not hit center right around the end of the night were taking desperate measures to NOT have their angel stolen. Phyllis was threatening to hide hers up her ass. This was after she threatened to lick it & Peg didn’t care, she would take it anyway & just “wash it off”!

Orange paw! After the 1st cover all, Debi busted out some Cheetos (like we hadn’t eaten enough already). But, who can pass them up. We were all trying to be careful not to get “orange paw” all over our cards, chips & dimes.

EATING TIPS FOR THE HOLIDAYS

Special thanks to Lori (& Phyllis) for this one:

1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they’re serving rum balls.

2. Drink as much eggnog as you can and quickly. You can’t find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It’s not as if you’re going to turn into an "eggnog-aholic" or something. It’s a treat. Enjoy! Have one for me. Have two.

3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That’s the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand-alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.

4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they’re made with skim milk or whole milk. If it’s skim, pass. Why bother? It’s like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.

5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other people’s food for free.

6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year’s. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you’ll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.

7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don’t budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention. They’re like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them behind, you’re never going to see them again.

8. Same goes for pies. Apple, pumpkin and mincemeat - have a slice of each. Or, if you don’t like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?

9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it’s loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some standards.

10. One final tip: If you don’t feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven’t been paying attention.

11. Remember this motto: Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body. But rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in hand, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO-HOO what a ride!"

Merry Christmas to my Pokeno Sisters! It’s been another wonderful year packed full of fun, excitement, Mysteries, dimes & lots of good goodies to eat! I’m looking forward to 2011 when I’m sure there will be much of the same. Until next year, may the foxiest bitch win!