February 2009

That’s Amore! Our Valentine spectacular was held this month at Spanky’s “Love Shack” & co-hosted by Pita. We had stuffed shells, shrimp, cake & all sorts of yummy stuff. Everyone was feeling lovey & brought extra goodies. I had goodie bags for everyone & an interesting stuffed photo frame (donated by my son) to auction off. Cosmo had a troll doll to give away. Debi was “the big wiener” of both prizes. At the end of the night, she gave the troll to Kate L - for all her hard work? Or because she kept “molesting” it? Marge made bookmarks & magnets to pass out. Cosmo gave everyone a rose before they left. During game play, they made a very nice arrangement on our love table. Pita hand-crafted candleholders & personalized champagne flutes for everyone. Marge will be very happy to see her dining room table once again (that’s where the craft explosion took place). Debi passed out stickers (more about that in a minute) & made cherry bombs. Peg brought candy, Phyllis provided chocolate covered strawberries. It was an all around fun evening!

Everyone came in their finest red &/or pink attire. Cosmo wore comfy PJ’s (see photo), I had a springy heart headband (that some found distracting), some chose to accessorize their breastasis w/ the stickers Debi brought (see photo). Phyllis’ house looked lovely. Her & Mark just got done re-doing the dining room & kitchen. Phyllis also decided to do a little makeover on herself by dying her hair back to her natural color.

We had a champagne toast to love with the flutes Pita made. She was gonna make a speech or something, but didn’t & came up w/ something lame at the last minute. However, this was nicely covered earlier in the evening when Patt mentioned that everyone should say one happy thing. We went around the table. We get to Cosmo & she says, “If just 1 person is missing from the table, it still feels like someone’s missing”. Aww…this was so sweet that everyone had a moment & Debi says, “We complete each other!” Then everyone started cracking up. This led to a discussion about a group tattoo. It seems 6 outta 8 ladies are interested (you know who you are). We also had a few drinks & cherry bombs in us at this point. Maybe we should re-visit the topic again another time.

The streak continues (no – we’re NOT goin’ streaking…)! Kate L. was our co-hostess w/ the mostess. She worked her buns off all night & vows “even if living in a mansion” she’ll never volunteer to hostess again. All her hard work paid off when she was the big winner of the first cover all of the night. She was also noted to keep hitting another pot too. I neglected to note which one it was exactly, but it was 1 of the 6. Let’s see if the elder Kate of the group can continue the hostess winning streak…more on that next month!

MYSTERY BOX

Not only did Phyllis have to get her house ready for the party (in between 2 run-ins w/ poles), but she was responsible for the February Mystery as well. She jigged/danced her heart covered anti-stress themed box over to Cosmo. Inside was a comfy pink blanket, super soft socks, lavender scented soap petals (we could smell the box before seeing any of it) & microwavable heat wrap. The socks caused much confusion. Some thought it was a fuzzy thong or headband! Eventually Phyllis told her what it was. So, now Kate G. will be responsible for hostessing & a Mystery for March.

GREEN BEER TASTES FUNNY

We’re goin green! Bust out your best green outfit, our St. Patty’s party will be held Saturday, March 21st, 6:00 @ The Geib’s Tiki Bar. Do you think Polynesian leprechauns wear grass skirts? Please see artists’ rendering on the side over there. Get there & get you’re Irish on! Cosmo will provide a Heavenly Ham, Irish Potatoes & Roger’s bartending skills for the evening.

During our March game, you have permission to say (insert card) O’(insert suit) when you’re calling the cards. Cosmo tried pulling this during our February game, but Shiatzu hit the breaks on that one quicker than an old lady up to a fire hall on bingo night. It was agreed that the only time you’re allowed to call in such a manner is during the St. Patty’s party.

RANDOM FUNNIES

Why is there so much money in here? Someone hit Pokeno & when they went to take the winnings, they realized there were a few extra dimes in there. Ok, someone forgot to take it last time. But, the mystery is…who won? We all sat there for a minute & seriously couldn’t remember who it was. Patt made a crack about short term memory loss. This sent everyone into a fit of giggles. In the end whoever it was that won that pot got double. I must’ve been laughing so hard, I totally forgot to note who won. Maybe we should all be more careful to take our hard earned winnings in the future.

Courtesy flush? That’s when the flush is already gone, but you stop game play to call & check anyway. You can thank Spanky for that little gem. I guess she was just being extra careful after the missed Pokeno incident?

Note to myself & others! Don’t ever ask Pita to “toss” anything! I was being a nice Pokeno sister & sharing my hand sanitizer w/ the group. I originally tossed it to Debi (underhanded & gently). It made its way round the table & stopped at Kate L. It sat there for a bit & I wanted to be sure it made its way back into my bag. That’s when the carnage ensued! I asked her to toss it & she chucked it (over handed) over Cosmo’s head & straight onto my cranium. BONK!!! Why am I seeing 2 of Phyllis? It took a minute for everyone to realize that I was in fact injured & Pita ran to grab me an ice bottle. I managed to play on through my pain (it’s difficult to cover your card & ice your head at the same time) & the lump shrunk down by the next morning. So, word of caution to the rest of you – don’t use the word “toss” or you might be the next sister to suffer an injury!

What kind of music is this? Patt brought a CD to the party. It was supposed to be some sort of old-school dance mix. Think along the lines of “American Bandstand”. We were listening for a bit when Patt tells us, “The dance for this song is called the slow grind”. Huh??? Slow grind? The next song started & I swore it was that “cool jerk” song. Suddenly this dance mix became very dirty! Cosmo thought she could change the channel – but couldn’t. She didn’t realize that we were listening to a CD! Eventually the CD was over & we started listening to classics on Kate G’s cell phone.

And that will wrap up the month of February. Thanks again to Spanky & Pita for a wonderful party. See y’all at Cosmo’s house next month & may the best bitch win!

January 2009

Happy New Year! We rang in 2009 @ my house this year. There was lots of drama leading up to start time. It all started the day before with all those bastard weather people predicting a “major snow event” just in time for Pokeno. I franticly hatched a backup plan just in case. Saturday comes & um…where’s all the snow? At noon I decided it was “game on” & rolled along with the rest of my preparations. A few hours before game time, Patt was still undecided as it was snowing over her way & she’s got an hour plus drive. Always the true road warrior, she came to play the first round. Then, Peg decided she wasn’t feeling well & couldn’t make it. This left me without the 2 dishes that she was responsible for. So, I scrambled again to get everyone to bring extra cash to order something (or starve). This actually worked out quite well. I still provided my appetizers, we got chicken fingers & assorted pizzas. Thanks again to all you fine ladies for making my delivery guy “feel like a celebrity”! I hope I’m not blacklisted in the future from ordering food from there… For dessert, we had chocolate chip cookies (thanks Debi) & an assortment of crème puffs/éclairs (thanks Phyllis). As usual, everything was delicious!

We pigged out first, and then played until 8:45. Marge, Kate L & Patt all left after that one. Kate L kept hitting the pots during that first round. I put on a pot of super fantastic coffee which pepped us up for another round. This one lasted till a little after 10, and then everyone headed for home. During the 2nd round, Debi called for the first time ever! She didn’t feel as much pressure w/ just the 4 of us. She didn’t mind calling once she found her groove & realized she can call at her own pace & still cover her card too. I continued the hostess winning streak by winning the first cover all (by myself) & split the 2nd cover all w/ Katie G. If the hostess winning streak continues, I wonder who’s gonna win next month - the hostess or the hosting house? Hmm, we’ll just have to wait & see.

MYSTERY BOX

Kate L. was in charge of the first Mystery of the New Year. I’ve always told you guys that you can put whatever you want in there & boy did Kate run w/ that one! She provided 2 boxes heavily taped & wrapped in the Catholic Star Herald (recycling), used the bows from her prior Mystery from Peg (recycling again) & even packaged one of the mysteries in the box/tissue paper that Marge used for her Christmas churches (wow – who knew Kate was so “green”?).

Phyllis was the winner this month. She won a tangerine candle, a sign that said “some days are meant to be playing” & a wack kitten that’s some sort of fabric/ceramic. Phyllis said she’s gonna name it “Katie”. In case you forgot what it looks like, please see photo on the side there. I wonder what sort of goodies Phyllis will put in the February box…

FEELIN’ THE LOVE

Our annual Valentine’s party will be held SATURDAY, FEBRUARY 21ST @ 6:00. Kate L will be hosting, but we’ll be playing at Phyllis’ house since Kate doesn’t have a place of her own. Phyllis decided on an Italian menu. I’m sure this will be a super swell party!

JANUARY SHOUT OUT

Here’s one great big birthday shout out to Patt who celebrated her birthday on January 5th. Debi got her a few bags of magnetic chips & a magic wand to use at Pokeno. Patt was very excited to use her new goodies. The first bag of chips didn’t seem to be bringing her much luck, so she switched to the other bag. As soon as she did that, she won a pot! Maybe her wand really is magic!

RANDOM FUNNIES

Put that in your pantry! Debi noted that as her Christmas gift, she got new carpet & a new pantry for her kitchen. She told Patt, “Oh, you’re gonna love my pantry!” to which Patt replied, “I’ve ALWAYS loved Debi’s pantry!” That got a few laughs…

Go, go, gadget arm! Katie G (avid techno geek) was playing w/ her camera phone & was taking some sort of panoramic shot when Phyllis called her “Inspector Gadget”. Huh? Why? Because she’s always gotta play with her gadgets!

What’s that card? Joker? Jokeno? Nope – it’s actually a Jack of something or another! Good thing we all keep an eye on each other while we’re calling, or we’d really be confused.

What kind? Phyllis hit for a flush. Not sure what came before she said it, but it came out, “It’s not that kind, it’s THAT kind!” Oh, of course….that kind! Now it all makes sense!

QUOTES FOR THE NEW YEAR

• The proper behavior all through the holiday season is to be drunk. This drunkenness culminates on New Year's Eve, when you get so drunk you kiss the person you're married to. ~P.J. O'Rourke

• A New Year's resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other. ~Author Unknown

• People are so worried about what they eat between Christmas and the New Year, but they really should be worried about what they eat between the New Year and Christmas. ~Author Unknown

• An optimist stays up until midnight to see the New Year in. A pessimist stays up to make sure the old year leaves. ~Bill Vaughan

I’d like to take this opportunity to say peace out to 2008. I know some of you are glad it’s over. Here’s looking forward to 2009 & all the opportunities (or in our case…dimes) to come!

December 2008

Happy Pokeno to all & to all a fat pot! This year, we celebrated Christmas retro style at Cosmo’s Tiki Bar. We dined on a variety of pizzas & other holiday goodies. Everyone enjoyed the food & merriment. Phyllis dressed up as Mrs. Claus (even sported red panties to match). Everyone looked very nice (see photographic evidence on the side) & had a great time! We laughed SO much that I couldn’t take notes at one point because my whole body was seizing up w/ the giggles. Therefore, I can guarantee that there’s stuff I missed (the shots I had didn’t help either).

We had our special guest “Santa” join us for this party. Most of you were “wise to the cock in the box”. The tunes were plentiful too. At one point, a dance party erupted. I was in the bathroom & came back downstairs to this craziness! Patt wouldn’t let me through until I busted a move. We danced for a bit, and then got back to business. Opening gifts/eating first worked out well. We started playing by 7, did 2 cover alls & wrapped it up around 10-ish. Not too shabby!

You ladies must’ve been REAL good this year, because there were presents a plenty! Everyone got cool stuff. Debi couldn’t get her gift open! Kate L. & Marge had each other! Peg got a cool scarf from Debi. Debi got “magic chips” from Phyllis. She swore it was the chips that helped her keep winning all night. She even bragged to someone that she’s still playing with the original dimes she started out with last year! Even Patt got into the crafting thing! She made a “zen candle” arrangement for Kate G. & a dancing plaque for Peg. Patt also handed out homemade chocolate chip cookies. One giant cookie went to the first cover all. Debi was quite pleased (again – the magic chips)! Marge passed out hand-crafted churches, while Phyllis & I each passed out hand-crafted balls. Peg covered everyone’s membership dues for the night. It was a really nice evening & good time had by all. Thanks again to Kate for being such a great hostess!

MYSTERY BOX

December’s mystery came courtesy of Peg-a-la. The big winner was Kate L. Peg put a lot of love into this Mystery – even if it was wrapped in a trash bag!!! She got a big cardboard box, covered it with various cards from friends/family & little cute sayings, stickers, etc. It was like a scrapbook! The box was so cute in fact, that Kate forgot to open it. No…there’s stuff inside! Oh boy! It was chock full of cards, gift bags, tape, wrapping paper, bows, etc. How cool is that? All your wrapping needs in one lovely box! Now Kate L. will have to think up something cool for her Mystery in January.

HAPPY NEW YEAR

We’ll be ringing in 2009 at my house this year. The party will be on January 10th @ 6:00. Everyone thought it would be fun to bring a variety of hors d’ oeuvres (that’s fancy talk for appetizers) for this party. We’re gonna have various stuffed pastries, champagne, cheese/crackers, mini crab cakes, potato skins & (hopefully) some cream puffs.

DECEMBER SHOUT OUT

Big thanks to Roger for tending to the ladies all night. He got coffee, tea, snacks, etc. And, he took care of Isaac to boot! Wow! At one point during the evening, Patt called him “honey”. I hope this makes up for the previous July posting & the “Keith Partridge” incident…

RANDOM FUNNIES

Silky shirts are distracting! Patt wore a very lovely red silk blouse for our party. However, she felt “slippery” & kept rubbing herself all night.

Is your mojo working? Marge wasn’t doing so well in the winning department. Peg thought it might be helpful to give her a hug & share some of her “mojo”. Mrs. Claus was on the other side & she got in on the action too. Now Marge was getting good mojo from both sides. We continued on w/ game play & Marge wound up winning Pokeno that round.

Don’t eat that! I guess Patt’s shirt proved to be too distracting for her own good. As I previously mentioned, there was lots of food. Patt had a little goody plate in front of her. She also had her dimes at the ready to be put in. She thought a snack would really hit the spot. She almost tossed a dime in her mouth thinking it was some delicious candy! Good thing she noticed it at the last minute. That would’ve been really disgusting!

CHRISTMAS FACTOIDS

• "Hot cockles" was a popular game at Christmas in medieval times. Players took turns striking a blindfolded player, who had to guess the name of the person delivering each blow. Those medieval folks sure knew how to party!
• Yummy stuff! A traditional Christmas dinner in early England was the head of a pig prepared with mustard. Christmas trees are edible. Needles are a good source of vitamin C. Pine nuts, or pine cones, are also a good source of nutrition. Before you go digging in the fridge the next day – it’s estimated that 400,000 people become sick each year from eating tainted Christmas leftovers.
• Before settling on Tiny Tim for the character in "A Christmas Carol," other alliterative names were considered. They were Little Larry, Puny Pete, and Small Sam. Personally, I think Puny Pete would’ve been a better choice!
• Good news for all you eco-conscious Pokeno Sisters! For every real Christmas tree harvested, 2 to 3 seedlings are planted in its place.
• In 1907, Oklahoma became the last US state to declare Christmas a legal holiday. They’re always the last to catch up with the rest of the world!
• In Syria, Christmas gifts are distributed by one of the Wise Men's camels. The gift-giving camel is said to have been the smallest one in the Wise Men's caravan. But, does he have a shiny red nose???

That's all the news fit to print for December. I would like to take this opportunity to wish each & all of you (& your families) a VERY Merry Christmas. And when you're stuck at that holiday party you really wish you weren't at - just be thankful these aren't Medieval times & you won't be blindfolded & beaten by the other party guests! See you fine ladies next year!

November 2008

We had a Super Ultra Comfy party @ Peg’s house this month. Everyone came in their jammies. However, we were experiencing unusually warm weather (high in the 70’s) so Peg decided NOT to put the fireplace on. What a shame, that always adds an even more comfy feel to the night. Oh well. I’ll pretend that the fireplace on the right is Peg’s…ahh…I feel comfier already. We dined on chicken pot pie, mac & cheese, buttery mashed potatoes, apple crisp, rice pudding & pineapple pudding.

After everyone arrived at Peg’s, she passed out wine glasses w/ notes, napkins & tootsie pops. Then went into a speech about how thankful she is for her friends & how much they mean to her & how they’ve shaped her life, etc. Then she told us about a conversation she had w/ a very wise Native American man that she’s friends with. His “friendly advice” to her was, “When all else fails, just remember 2 very important words – fuck it!” Ain’t that the truth!!! So we toasted w/ our glasses & got on with our evening.

Everyone stayed for the whole game this month. Marge took a 2 hour nap to ensure she’d stay awake. Peg said she didn’t care how long we played because she was “already home – you guys can put me to bed!” We wrapped up at 10:30. Not too shabby. After I tried to suggest that we start our games earlier, Debi thought maybe we should eat first. We noticed by the end of the night that this was a brilliant idea! We decided to make it an official rule that we eat first from this point forward.

Shake your groove thing! We seem to have a “dance party” whenever we play at Peg’s house. Problem is, when you get 7 ladies together of various age groups & musical tastes, you can’t all agree on the same thing. We flipped the radio around for an hour or 2 before we finally decided to just turn it off. We did agree on a Prince song before the game started. Patt was waving her flowing locks & doing high kicks. Marge was up & dancing w/ us. Debi left her tassels at home, or she would’ve had a very special dance for us (ha, ha, ha)! That would’ve worked much better w/ her Halloween costume anyway!

Statistics show that whoever is hosting the party seems to win big! We put that theory to the test @ Peg’s house again this month. She started off winning the Mystery & went from there. She hit a super fat four corners w/ just 5 chips on her card. In the same round, she went on to take flush & Pokeno. I wonder if we can go 4 for 4 at Cosmo’s next month.

The weather was quite frightful! There were statewide tornado watches & everything. But, even the weather couldn’t stop (most of) us from making the trek to Peg-a-la’s. I should’ve been absent after having 3 teeth pulled just a few nights before, but I’m hardcore! Just don’t make me laugh too hard…oh crap…my jaw…where’s that ice pack? Absent this month was Kate L. Since everyone already knows what she’s been through in the last week, it shouldn’t have come as a surprise that she didn’t want to party. Here’s hoping Pita has a speedy recovery & is feeling well enough to return next month.

Last month, some of us had to “use the force” to remember to look for diagonal Pokenos. Debi & Patt both remembered & actually got a few on the diagonal! I can’t believe it! No more confusion for you guys! Congrats to you both!

MYSTERY BOX

Katie G. was responsible for the November Mystery. She put together a “Holiday Survival Kit”. In the bag was a hand-crafted (by Cosmo) paper Christmas house, lotion, candle, pack of Tylenol, bottle of Captain Morgan, can of cola & cup. As we picked, Peg complained “I haven’t won a Mystery in a year!” After checking stats, the last time she won really was at our last comfort party in November 07. Remember ladies, your odds of winning are much better if you show up for every game…but anyway…we got to picking. The first time, Phyllis won it. She decided to pass since she’s won a few times. When we re-picked, Peg actually won!

HO! HO! HO!

We will be celebrating a “retro” Christmas on Saturday, 12/13 @ the Geib’s Tiki Lounge. The party will start at 5:00. We will be playing at least 1 round of cards in between all that holiday merriment. Don’t forget to bring your Secret Santa gift ($20 max limit) with you. In the event that you can’t make it – please see that you pass along your gift so it gets to the party. After Peg got beat for her gift at our B-day Tea Party, I don’t want to see any more sad faces. Nothing quite like everyone else but you having a gift…that’s a sure fire way to have a “Blue Christmas”!

Cosmo says, “Not cooking is a gift to yourself!” So, she opted for our holiday menu to be pizzas from her local pizza shop. When we get there, we can pick toppings, pitch in a few bucks & place the order. While we’re waiting for delivery, we can exchange gifts (get that out of the way). Everyone seemed very excited about this plan.

Maybe since everyone was so comfy, it was super easy to agree on the date/time. It was also a problem free Secret Santa pick. Even though I reminded you to think of some things, some of you ladies didn’t heed that advice & took longer than others (Spanky) to complete their list. But, it all went smoothly & Peg could finally start calling @ 8:00.

NOVEMBER SHOUT OUTS

Shout Out #1: We have 2 Pokeno sisters celebrating birthdays this month. Kate L. on 11/17 & Phyllis on 11/21. Kate L. got b-day dinner @ my house. Phyllis will be getting a fresh coat of paint in her dining room & kitchen. Cheers to you ladies & many more happy b-days to you both!

Shout Out #2: As you know, Phyllis really gets into Halloween. Every year, her & Mark go to some parties & enter costume contests. This year, Phyllis wore her mermaid suit & Mark was the old man of the sea complete w/ boat made out of cardboard (see photo). Not only did they win the costume thing, but at the same party, there was a pie eating contest. Phyllis entered & won that too! After losing 100 pounds, it’s pretty ironic (don’t ya think) that she could out-eat all the other contestants. She said she went to the gym the next day & her trainer made her work off all that pie. Congrats on your big wins!

RANDOM FUNNIES

R.I.P. Hoover upright – All through the evening, there were chips falling all over the place. Since Peg’s got hard wood flooring, the chips echoed when they bounced. Phyllis was accusing some of having chips falling out of their crotches and/or butts. Chip smugglers…argh! Marge kept dropping chips & apologized to Peg. Peg says, “Don’t apologize to me – apologize to my vacuum! It’ll be picking up all the chips!” Her vacuum is bag less, so I bet the tink, tink, tink of chips in the collection tank will be deafening because there were a ton of chips dropped! Here’s hoping that the vacuum will make it out alive!

They’re not even the same color! While Patt was taking her turn calling, she kept confusing the 6 of diamonds w/ the 6 of spades. We kept an extra close eye on her & ensured that we were all on the same page w/ the same cards.

WHAT ARE YOU THANKFUL FOR?

This is the time of year when we pause for a moment to reflect on the past year & be thankful for what we have. I posed the above question to my fellow Pokeno Sisters and this is what I got back: Phyllis is thankful to not be a grouch. Debi’s thankful that she hasn’t fallen off the tightrope. Patt’s thankful for good friends, good health & the excess that is Pokeno. Marge’s thankful for family, friends & faith. Peg’s thankful for friends & enjoying life. Katie G’s thankful for friends as weird as herself. Me, I’m thankful for true friends who are REALLY there when I need them no matter what they’re going through at the time & will listen to me without running my stories back to others.

So, until next time…try not to eat to over indulge during Thanksgiving dinner. Oh…who am I kidding…go on & have 2 servings of everything!!! See you in December…

October 2008

Our annual Halloween Spooktacular was held @ Spanky’s house (Official Halloween Headquarters). The house was completely over the top decorated. When you walked up to the house, you were instantly transformed to a little kid out trick or treating - wondering if you really wanted to take candy from these wacky people. Everything looked amazing! Can you believe she did all that just a few days after having oral surgery & a massive infection? Now, that’s dedication! Even the fish got in on the act with the “Tank of Terror”! The Halloween Village was in full swing. She told us it’s called “Spooky Town” & she’s the mayor! There was one part of Spooky Town that proved most distracting. It kept making a really awful noise (aaaaeeeeeeeehhhhhh…kinda like that) & Phyllis had to shut that piece off. There are certain duties as the Mayor of Spooky Town! However, that piece is tucked into a tangle of wires & Phyllis was trying to get to the plug while not ripping off her flowing wig. That was pretty entertaining. We were able to concentrate much better after the noise stopped.

There were lots of treats to be had. Hoagies, wraps, pretzels, spinach dip, taco bake, brownies, mummy dogs, and other assorted snacks. We had Pomegranate Martinis & Bloody Mary’s to drink. Phyllis also sent us home with homemade chocolate pops & chocolate covered pretzels.

Everyone put a lot of thought into their costumes this year. We had a Gypsy (Marge) – made her own costume/accessories, Mermaid (Phyllis) – made her shell crown & choker, Shamwow! (Kate G.) – Sponge Bob…no? What the hell is a Shamwow anyway? Drag Queen (Kate L.) –stuffed 2 bras full of socks/drew on a 5 o’clock shadow/stuffed a “package” even, world’s tallest Chinese girl (me) – dress by Marge, Dominatrix (Peg) – complete w/ restraints & riding crop, and a set of long-retired Hooters Girls (Patt & Debi). Apparently Debi’s sister sent her a photo of someone with that costume & a note daring her to use this idea for her own costume. Debi’s daughter tried to convince her “Halloween is cancelled this year”! Debi’s shirt had an actual picture of an owl on it. Patt was sporting what looked a lot more like a sad kitty cat. They still looked great! Poor Kate L. was directly across from Debi (aka “Juggs”) whose extra-long lady bits proved to be quite distracting during game play. Kate said she was leaving early because of a “headache”…hmm…maybe she just couldn’t take it anymore! Also leaving at the 2 hour mark were Marge & Peg. That left 5 of us to carry on & continue the party!

For some reason, Kate G. & Debi kept hitting center all evening! At the end of the 2nd cover all, out of the 5 of us…me, Patt & Debi ALL missed the 7 of spades! WOW!!! Patt was calling that one too! Maybe it stuck to another card (Kate & Phyllis didn’t have that one) or maybe it was the ghouls haunting us in true Halloween fashion. I mean, there IS a real graveyard right out the front door! This also continued the trend of the hostess/family hitting cover alls. I wonder how Peg will fare next month. Where’s my statistics department?

NOVEMBER POKENO

Next month’s party will be held fireside @ Peg’s house on Saturday, November 15th. This is a Super Ultra Comfy party. Please come in your comfiest jammies & bring your favorite comfort food to share. Peg’s making chicken pot pie, Phyllis is making garlic smashed potatoes, I’m bringing crab dip & Marge is bringing a secret dessert.

MYSTERY BOX

I was responsible for this month’s Mystery. I went with a fall/Thanksgiving theme. Kate G. was the big winner. The box was chock full of things a proper hostess could use for a lovely Thanksgiving dinner! A turkey table runner, fall candle/centerpiece, and leaf print kitchen towel & pot holder. I also used the help of my creative assistant (Jacob) to make a cool tag for the Box. Kate G. will be responsible for bringing the next Mystery. Kate apologized in advance that her Mystery won’t be as creative as mine was, but she’ll try to provide something nice. I’m sure whatever it is will be just swell!

Again, can I please remind you ladies that it’s not a contest - it’s all about what you can throw together. Honestly, that entire Mystery cost me $11! It was all stuff I just tossed into a cart as I walked around the store. And, as always, if you really can’t think of anything…cash is always accepted (ha, ha, ha)!

TRICKS & TREATS

Trick: Patt, Kate L. & Peg thought it would be funny to scare Phyllis when she came out of the bathroom. It worked - she was totally shocked! After that, some people were too scared to go. It was quiet for awhile, and then I went to the potty. By this time, I totally forgot about the possibility of getting scarred. But, they got me. There’s photographic evidence on the side to prove it. That was the last scare of the evening, but when Marge had to go after me, she came out with extra caution!

Treat: The “Hooters Girls” came in with a cauldron. They made us all close our eyes & hold out our hands as they passed out some mysterious items. When we opened our eyes, we all thought they passed out maxi pads. Turns out these little gems are in fact Poise pads to help with “mild bladder leakage”. For those of you who missed the October party…we were having such a good time & laughing so hard that someone recommended that we should be wearing Depends in case we peed ourselves laughing.

Trick: Phyllis provided many tasty treats for us to snack on – like the pretzel tray w/ assorted dips. I mentioned earlier that she passed out yummy chocolate covered pretzels. But, I’ll tell you about one pretzel that’s NOT yummy. I picked up what I thought was a sesame seed stick, dipped in chocolate sauce & took a bite. Turns out those “seeds” were actually toasted garlic pieces! I am a true chocoholic (My name is Flicker & I have a problem). Never in my life did I imagine that chocolate could taste disgusting...but it did! Note to my future self & others – if presented with a yummy pretzel tray; be sure to fully investigate what you’re dipping where.

Treat: Thanks to Phyllis (once again) for throwing such a super swell party! For party favors, she passed around 2 bowls of goodies for us to pick our “treats” from. We also got bags full of daffodil bulbs to plant now & enjoy in spring. Oh, and a tip for you ladies who have a “damn dirty squirrels keep digging up my bulbs!!!” problem (as I do). While dropping the bulb in the hole, sprinkle garlic & cayenne pepper around. Those little fuzzy bastards don’t find either of these spices tasty, thus, leaving your bulbs alone (hopefully). I found this tip out AFTER they ate 8 outta 12 of my tulip bulbs last year!

Trick: Something always happens before Pokeno – either a lateness/absence or someone’s lost. Marge’s phone rang at 6:15 with Peg lost somewhere in the GC. Marge passes the phone off to Phyllis to give directions. Then she tells Phyllis, “Tell her to pull over, I’ll come & find her!” Keep in mind that Marge is dressed in full Gypsy regalia…I’m sure that would’ve been an interesting search party! Anyway…the Mermaid/Gypsy are directing Peg in from the porch. The rest of us are inside (drinking Pomitinis) & Kate G. thinks it would be really funny to prank call Marge’s phone. She calls & starts saying, “I know where you are & I know what you’re wearing” (thinking its Phyllis she’s talking to). Marge got all freaked out & Kate G. had to tell her what was going on. Did I mention how tasty those Pomitinis were?

OCTOBER SHOUT OUTS

Shout Out #1: Big happy birthday wishes this month to Peg! She said that she “partied all week” with various people. Maybe it was that week of partying that made her SO tired come Saturday. She also said that this was her best birthday in recent years. Hooray! Peg wore the b-day crown for a few minutes, which looked very interesting w/ her costume. I guess that made her the “Birthday Dominatrix”?

Shout Out #2: October is national Breast Cancer Awareness month. I would like to take this part of the Rag to reflect on those who have unfortunately lost their battle, and to celebrate those who have overcome & beat the crap out of their cancer. Falling in the latter category is our very own “Buddha”. As of this year, she’s officially cancer-free for 15 years! Hip Hip Hooray!

RANDOM FUNNIES

No double dipping! Phyllis told Patt & Debi to be sure they kept their boob sacks out of the food/dips/drinks/etc. The exaggerated lady parts actually wound up being a distraction to Patt & Debi too. Patt couldn’t stop playing w/ hers & Debi realized she couldn’t see the bottom ½ of her card over her enormous pillows!

Hello??? At 7:30, Debi’s phone started ringing. She checks it & starts cracking up. After she finally stopped laughing, she told us it was her calendar sending a reminder about Pokeno!

Are you confused? Maybe your card is upside down! Debi noted that she’s happy to play with the big number cards as you can’t turn them upside down. So, if anyone else out there suffers from “cardus upsidedownius”, try playing a big number card. Other matters of confusion are diagonal Pokenos & flushes. After we had this conversation about the elusive diagonal Pokeno, Debi paid attention & actually hit one! See what happens when you focus & use the force?

“Triangle”!?!? This was hollered by Kate when she really meant to say “Postage Stamp”. Yea, that makes perfect sense. Square…maybe… Either way, she had to share her triangle with Debi. Have I told you how tasty those Pomitinits were?

Damn you Sanchez!!! For the fearless 5 of you who were actually there, you’ll know that the word of the month was “Dirty Sanchez”. I was quite surprised that this wasn’t common knowledge & proceeded to share the definition with my fellow Pokeno sisters. This led to MUCHO giggling and various moustache references for the rest of the evening. And please don’t confuse this with Sanchez’ even dirtier cousin, the “Dirty Rodriguez”.

IT’S COMING…

Like it or not, the holiday season is right around the corner. I would like all of you to take this opportunity think of 3 things that you would like for the Secret Santa Pollyanna. The gift exchange won’t take place until our Christmas Party in December. But, it wouldn’t hurt (too much) to start thinking of some ideas now. During the “business” portion of November’s game, we will make our picks. There will be a $20 gift maximum. In the current economy, things are tight for everyone. So, spend whatever you can. If it’s only $5, that’s cool too. Remember that it truly is the thought that counts!

And….I’m spent… That will wrap up a spooky edition of the Rag. I don’t know how some of you will top those costumes next year, so maybe you should get started now! See you in November.

September 2008

SEPTEMBER 2008

This month, we had another super laid-back party @ Marge’s house. She made lasagna & everyone was happy (& full). There was a sangria fountain flowing & daiquiri’s blending away in the kitchen. Marge made a welcome sign that hung proudly in the dining room. Our party favors were personalized wine glasses & back to school inspired kits of everything mini - pencils, ruler, stapler, sharpener, notepad & even a mini apple. Phyllis whipped out her note pad & told us she’s going to use that to take notes at her next work meeting. I hope the meeting is short, or she can write very small. At the end of the evening, there was a 4-way cover all split. It would’ve been 5 if I had been paying attention to my own card…oh well, there’s always next month! I wasn’t the only loser at the end of the evening. Patt actually left the party with a completely empty change container! Here’s hoping she does better next month too!

As usual, we had lots to eat! Along with lasagna, we had salad, bread, fruit salad, veggie dip & other assorted snacks. At the end of the evening it was time for Phyllis’ super awesome dessert. She made a chocolate raspberry cheesecake that was probably the most delicious cheesecake I’ve ever had. I think most of the other ladies agreed as the table got totally quiet with the exception of an occasional…mmmmm….so yummy….mmmmm. Unfortunately, Peg & Kate G. were no shows as they were both not feeling well. That just meant more goodies for us…ha, ha, ha.

Speaking of food stuffs...Debi told us a story about how everyone at her office is upset that she was “going to that place with the desserts”! Apparently, she showed some of her co-workers a picture of Phyllis’ volcano cake & she’s told them about how well we eat. They were all quite jealous of Debi. I also had to post a very special shot of Phyllis’ cheesecake so Debi can show that one off too.

On my way to the party, I stopped at the Wawa. While checking out, I picked up a Reese’s Pumpkin. I had no idea of the carnage that pumpkin would cause later on in the evening. I put it in the Pokeno pot for the first winner. I didn’t even consider that maybe more than 1 person would win (whoops). That’s exactly what happened when Patt & Debi both hit. Then they started fighting over who was gonna get the pumpkin. At first, they weren’t going to share and went back & forth in a bidding war. Finally we all told them the best thing to do would be to split it in ½. This finally worked & both ladies were happy.

Debi decided to help out with breaking up some ice for daiquiris (I still can’t believe we went through 8 pounds). Unfortunately, she decided to smash the bag against the card table! There’s a butcher block top table in the kitchen (2 steps away) which is perfect for such a task, but Debi’s always been one to think “outside the box” (or in this case, the table) I guess. After she smashed it a few times and realized that she was sloshing beverages all over the table, she saw the flaw in her plan & took the bag out to the other room for a proper smashing.

Kate was helping Marge put in. Ahh, the trials & tribulations of sitting right in front of the cups! Anyway…Marge passes off her change when all of a sudden, one of her dimes falls smack into the center of one of the “pioneer” candles. Both Kate & Marge decided not to risk a burn & left the dime right there.

After Patt complained about the brightness of the room, we wound up lighting a whole bunch of candles, thus making September a “Pioneer Pokeno”. That was a flashback to the olden days. Another flashback from the olden days was Russell actually sitting down at the table (late in the evening) to join in the game. Believe it or not, Russell was one of the original Pokeno players! Patt threw down the gauntlet & challenged him to stay & play a few hands. Not one to back down from a challenge, Russell got some change & pulled up a chair. Lucky for him, there just happened to be a few extra chairs to spare. So, he sits down…first hand in, he gets four corners & Pokeno. Then he calls “Yahtzee!” Um, that’s a different game…but we gave him the cup anyway. At the end of the night rumblings of a family conspiracy started flying around because Marge, Russ & Kate all won big! Let’s see if the house trend continues next month at Phyllis’ house.

MYSTERY BOX

Marge not only hosted the party, but she was also responsible for providing the Mystery Box. I was the winner this time. Hooray!!! It was a car emergency/repair kit chock full of goodies like: fix a flat, fuses, deer repellent, freshener, flashlight, tissues, adaptor & even a deck of cards! Now I have to think of something fun to bring for the Halloween Spooktacular…hmm…I wonder what it will be…I guess you’ll just have to wait & see.

OCTOBER POKENO

Our annual Pokeno Halloween Party will be held on Saturday, October 18th @ 6:00. Since she truly is the “Queen of Halloween”, the spookiness will take place at Phyllis’ house. Costumes are mandatory. I don’t care if you come as a garbage sack…just please come dressed up. On the menu so far is assorted hoagies/wraps, clams casino & other various goodies. I’m sure your appetite won’t be scared away at this party!

RANDOM FUNNIES

Funny #1: It was Phyllis’ turn to call. She shuffled the cards, put them back down in front of her, and then she can’t find them! What? Oh look…there they are…right where you put them…right in front of you!

Funny #2: After Phyllis’ turn, it was Patt’s go. She was a few rounds into it & doing a fine job. Next thing we know, she’s in the middle of shuffling when all the cards “explode” out of her hands & fly all over the room! Oh my goodness…that was so stinking funny! We helped her pick them up & she made sure to count them before resuming game play. They were all there & the game continued on. Next shuffle, she was much easier on the cards.

Funny #3: I don’t remember who was calling, but they were 1 or 2 cards into their call when Debi throws up her hands & stops game play. “Everybody hold on!!!” We thought there was something seriously wrong. What could be so urgent that the game needs to be delayed? Debi noticed that a dime had found its way onto her card & needed to be removed immediately. I guess it was harassing her other chips? After she fixed it we could carry on again – after a good chuckle first!

WORDS OF THE MONTH

During game play, I mentioned that Debi was being a “cock blocker” because she took a pot that someone else was waiting for. I thought that everyone knew what this meant, but I was quite surprised when I learned that not everyone had heard this term before. The following definitions were found at urbandictionary.com:

1. Cock Blocker: A person (male or female) who intentionally or unintentionally stops the progress of two others getting their game on

2. Cock Blocker: used to describe someone who will do all they can to stop a man from hooking up with a girl (could be referred to homosexuals also)

The other word of the evening was “Ginko Gongloba”. What the hell is that? I’m not really sure which one of you fine ladies came up with that one, but I believe the herbal supplement you were referring to is called GINKO BILOBA. That’s the thing you’re supposed to take to help with forgetfulness. Something I think all of us Pokeno Sisters can use from time to time (some more than others…you know who you are…)

This will officially wrap up yet another edition of The Rag. I hope you all enjoyed yourselves this month. Now, get to work on your costumes for Phyllis’ party!!!

August 2008

We had an end-of-summer Luau party at Kate G.’s this month. We had a very fun evening! Thanks again to Kate & Keith Partridge for having us at their house. We had a full menu of pineapple ham, pupu balls, pineapple pudding, cocktail shrimp, and a burning volcano cake complete w/ dinosaur. Kate also had a hula girl cut out that we all took photos with. I actually ran out of room to post all of them individually, but I can assure you - they're priceless! For the first time in about a year, the night was completely drama-free & enjoyable. Kate had the whole house done up in true luau form. She even had torches burning out front. We were greeted at the door by the dogs (of course). Only this time, they were in costumes. One was a hula dog (grass skirt & coconut bra), the other was wearing surfer shorts. For our party favor, Kate gave us each a dashboard hula girl. After the last time we played there & feeling like the table was too big, Kate asked her neighbor to borrow his Poker tabletop. It worked very nicely. So here’s a super special “thank you” shout out to Kate’s neighbor…Gary the Snail. The table allowed for maximum organization w/ built in cups & everything. Marge took full advantage of the cups by stacking all of her change “just so”. Phyllis was calling her a “professional” & kept saying that Marge was out for blood! Marge was on a roll by hitting most of the Flushes all night. The one side of her change tray was almost overflowing! She tried to play it off, like…nah…it’s been that way all night. Thanks to photographic evidence, we were able to go back & review the pics to see a before & after shot of just how full her tray was! She claims she still wound up losing at the end of the night.

There were a few ladies missing. Patt had to go to an in-law family thing, Kate L. was broke and couldn’t afford to play, Peg got a migraine an hour before game time, and Missy was a no call, no show. She told me she “forgot” all about it. I think I send out enough reminders for you to take a second out of your busy schedule to walk over to your calendar & write down the party info. If you feel it necessary, I will start sending you text messages via cell phone too (just kidding). Unfortunately, Missy has decided to excuse herself from the table permanently, so from now on, there will only be 8 of us.

The night started off with just the 4 of us party animals down in the Tiki Hut. About ½ hour into game play, Kate’s phone rang. It was Debi & she wanted to know if it would be rude to come late. Of course not, come on over! Debi told Kate that she “would never miss an opportunity to get lei-ed!” So the 4 of us played until she showed up & we did a cover all. Then Debi joined and we had a fresh new game. The very first call after she sat, she won Pokeno. After Debi had been running all day, she sat at the table for a minute & started feeling like “someone flipped the off switch”. So, she went over to the very comfy couch section while I played her card. I did it for about 2 hands. Debi was just starting to tell me that I didn’t have to continue to play her card, but she hit a fat pot, then Pokeno. That quickly changed her mind, so I covered her card for a few more hands until Debi felt a bit better & could re-join us at the table.

I hope by now that Kate got all the chips up off her floor. Ladies were throwing them all night! It all started out w/ Marge. She dropped a bunch & we were busting on her. So, she started taking chips & “angrily” bouncing them off the floor. Then Debi got there & decided to join in on the fun. Phyllis threw her chips into her glass of wine! Apparently the built in cups weren’t so good for containing our chips.

MYSTERY BOX

Missy was responsible for the August Mystery. But, since she didn’t show up, we’ll never know what she was going to bring. Lucky for you guys, I just happened to be prepared w/ a back up prize! So, the Mystery went to Marge this month. It was a straw luau bag, packet of wildflower seeds, a disposable camera & picture frame for framing your end of summer memories. Marge will be responsible for the next Mystery. I’m sure it’ll be something fun!

SEPTEMBER POKENO

Next month’s party will be: Saturday, September 27th @ Marge’s house. Marge will be making her super cheesy lasagna for us. The rule is that we plan the next party based on schedules of those who show up. Hopefully everyone can make it this time, but if you can’t – I totally understand! This will be another super relaxed party. We won’t require costumes again until October. You’ll get plenty of reminders between now & then, but I suggest you mark your calendars now!

B-DAY SHOUT OUT

The birthday girl tiara was missing! I went looking for it last month for Missy, but it was lost somewhere in the Bermuda Triangle that is my bedroom closet. While cleaning it out last week, the tiara fell off the top shelf & smacked me in the head (good thing it’s only cardboard).

Missy & Kate G. would’ve shared the b-day crown throughout the evening, but since Missy was a no-show, Kate got the crown all to herself. Kate hit the double 3’s on August 3rd. She was supposed to drink 33 beers that day, but I think she stopped somewhere around 6. Next year, I may just have to enforce 34 for “Miss Talkalottasmacka” (Ohh! That would make a great drag queen name). Despite the rumors going around, she’s NOT really a raging alcoholic!

RANDOM FUNNIES

Nuevo of spade-o? While Kate was calling, she dropped that one. Then clarified by saying, “Nuevo is nine…I don’t know what the Spanish word for spade is!” For future reference, you may use either cavar or espatula.

Dreaming of Drag Queens in roller skates! Since we were so relaxed this month, we were all in pretty rare form. Kate brought up her idea of us going into business by opening a roller rink nightclub for adults. Marge brought up food ideas. I thought that it would be a great idea to have a bar. Then I realized that would be a major liability to have a bunch of drunken people out there skating around w/ the opportunity to get VERY injured. We all tossed around different “theme” nights. 80’s night, Disco night, etc. I think it was Phyllis who came up w/ Drag Queen night. Oh the fun that would be! Then we took it one step further & started thinking about a Drag Queen Pokeno night. We got so into this idea (except Marge) that we thought about making it the theme for September. But, when I realized the work that would be required, I thought it better that we put that night up for a vote next time. I think Drag Queen Night would be super swell!

What’s your number? Debi was thanking me for sending her Kate’s phone number so she could call. Marge realized that she didn’t have Kate’s number. Someone brought up posting everyone’s numbers here, but since I try to keep the Rag SUPER private (sanitized for your protection) I won’t be doing that. So, Marge pulled out her cell phone & got ready to program the number in. Kate starts off with the correct area code. Then I chimed in with 555…which Marge started plugging in there until she realized what she was doing. She deletes that while we’re all laughing. She enters the area code again and someone else goes…867…5309 which Marge is actually entering into the phone as I am falling off my stool laughing! At this point, Marge says, “If you really don’t want me to have your number…you can just say so!” We had to remind her of that one hit wonder, Tommy Tutone & his smash hit “Jenny (867-5309)”. As soon as we sang it back to her, she got the joke too. After I got done crying from laughing so hard, we gave her Kate’s actual phone number and continued on with the game. Just to review, 867-5309 is Jenny’s number, not Kate’s!

Phyllis can multi-task! Like I said earlier, we were all in rare form this month. After all the drama at last month’s party, Phyllis was all out relaxing this time (when she wasn’t tending bar). Earlier in the evening, Phyllis was super excited to win Pokeno. She was so excited in fact, that she felt the need to taunt us w/ some very unsportsmanlike conduct, jumping up from the table, grabbing a lei, putting it on her butt & telling us to kiss it!!! She was SO busy running her “butt mouth” that she completely forgot to take her Pokeno winnings! Marge noticed it when we were putting in, so we wound up giving it to her anyway. However, I think in the future, you will be given a stiff penalty for “unsportsmanlike conduct” (ha, ha, ha). Later on, Phyllis was trying to call, smoke a cigar & drink all at the same time. We tried telling her to slow down for a second, but she assured us she’s a great multi-tasker & how she’s “on it”! No sooner did she get done telling us she’s on it, when she tried to sit back down & completely missed her stool! She fell a little, completely knocking all the chips off her card (onto the floor) & sloshing her drink a bit. I had to do a recall so she could get all her chips back in the right spots again.

THE “MAGIC WORDS” & A REMINDER

Debi brought a great suggestion to the table this month. I decree that from this point forward, whenever you feel the need to do so (during game play), just use the magic words “I will pass”, no explanation needed & you will be excluded from whatever it is your passing on – no matter what it is. We’re trying really hard to maintain a stress/drama free environment, so I think this is a great solution for everyone!

Another rule we’ve had set up since the dawn of the original PBI was that you MUST cut the cards on a cover all. Since I am Sister Flicker & never ever cut the cards, Phyllis was astonished when she saw me actually cutting the cards this month. I know most of you cut, but if you ever feel the need to “pass” a cut on a cover all, that is mandatory.

CASE OF THE MISSING PADDLE

As you all know, the Sisterhood of the Foxy Bitches was instituted (or paddled into you) at the Toga party last month. Phyllis prepared mini paddles for all of us w/ our pledge names on them. She had a blank one set aside for herself to add her name to. After everyone left for the evening, I stuck around for a bit to have a cigar & help clean up. While we were hanging out, Phyllis had her paddle & set it aside so she could put her name on it.

The following weekend, Kate & I were back at Phyllis’ for a BBQ. While we were sitting around the pool, Phyllis started the interrogations. She starts off by telling us that her paddle is missing. Then, she’s all like, “If someone has it, they should just give it back, no questions asked…” I reminded her that she had it after the party & set it aside. The 3 of us go into the house & start a complete investigation of her 1st floor to see if we can find the paddle. It’s nowhere to be found. We give up the search. We go back outside, have some food & Phyllis starts her accusations again! Kate & I both try to assure her that we don’t have it.

Two weeks later, Phyllis & I head over to the Tiki Hut for movie night. While we’re in the middle of our Kung Fu Double Feature, Phyllis decided to take the opportunity to once again start with the interrogation. She “knew” one of us “bitches” had it!!! Good thing none of us were in the Deadly Viper Assassination Squad, or it would’ve been a battle to the death for sure! Konichiwa Bitches!

Fast forward to this month’s party…we start to set up the table. Phyllis gets her chips & when she opens them…a spotlight shines down from the heavens & a choir of angels sings! What is this on the TOP of the chips? It’s the paddle!!! Ah ha – all those false accusations for nothing! Phyllis quickly apologized to me & Kate, and was very happy to have found her paddle. Now Spanky can go home & decorate it to her liking.

COURTESY, YOUR FELLOW POKENO SISTERS & YOU

I’d like to take this moment to remind everyone about being courteous to your fellow sisters. I completely understand that all of us lead hectic lives. So, from time to time you find that you can’t make it to Pokeno that month. That’s fine. And, if for some reason you feel you need to take a “break” for a while, you can do that too; just let us know you want a few months off. Your absences don’t count against you or anything.

However, if you’re responsible for bringing something (whether it be Mystery Box, gift for your fellow sister, or some sort of refreshments), its only common courtesy to call/text/e-mail someone, anyone in the group to let them know you won’t be able to make it. I also understand that emergencies DO arise, but if you know someone’s depending on you bringing something to the party, you could at least take the time to let them know so plans can be made accordingly. Thank you to all the ladies that may not make it every time, but always give more than one hour’s notice that they won’t be making it. I don’t think a little courtesy is too much to ask.

So, that will wrap up another action-packed month of Pokeno wackiness. Until next time, if you want to know what your drag queen name is, here’s the link for the name generator: http://www.blogthings.com/dragqueennamegenerator/ My name is Helena Handbasket.