January 2013 - HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

So, I got a really cool tablet for Christmas from my husband. I was so excited to bring the Pokeno Rag into the 21^st century by taking notes on there instead of my tried & true pen/paper method. You know what that got me? I sat down to start blogging. I typed 1 line. I went to delete what I thought was only 1 line in my notes. It turned out that I actually deleted the entire entry! So…since I’m working off the top of my head, this should be interesting. Sit back & enjoy my wandering thoughts…there won’t be many.

The first party of 2013 was a comfy party. Everyone came in jammies/sweats/etc. The weather people were calling for “significant snow” the day of our party. Rather than have everyone risk the storm (they said we were gonna get), we decided to change venues & move the party to Marge’s place. It made more sense for everyone to drive 30 mins or less (except for Patt) than to pack everyone up, drive all the way to PA & hope the roads would be alright. As it turned out, the “storm” wasn't very bad at all. But, it’s always better to be safe than sorry!

We ordered food & Phyllis made a lovely snowflake cake. There were even decorative silver balls on there. I had the word written down, but it got deleted. Phyllis said she learned the word from Miss Piggy (of all sources)! We thought our food was here, so Marge went downstairs to meet him. Marge left the door cracked when she left. Sassy the dog saw this as a good opportunity to take a walk. When we noticed she was missing, Peg started down the hall after her. I went to help. For a dog w/ such tiny legs that she needs steps to get into bed (that she doesn't use) & a stroller for walks – she sure was quick! I did my best impersonation of “The Flash” & hauled ass down the hallway to catch the runaway dog. I found her at the elevator. I picked her up & she proceeded to piss all over me! This is the thanks I get for saving you? I carry the little furry piss bag back to the apartment & try to clean myself up. Peg says, “Did you bring a change of clothes?” Just like most of you…I do NOT bring spare clothes in my Pokeno bag! Maybe this should be a word for the wise in the future – you never know what might happen, so you might wanna bring a backup plan! Anyway, I dried off the dog pee & borrowed Patt’s Tide-to-go pen. Luckily, she still had it handy after spilling Vampire merlot on her shirt! The pen covered up the smell for a little bit, but by the time I got home, I smelled slightly better than a port-o-potty & immediately ran upstairs to change.

Not only did I get pissed on, but I also got dry humped by my aunt! Marge was playing her new stereo that some wonderful people got her for Christmas. Not sure what channel she was listening to, but they were doing double shots. This was all well & good until Marvin Gaye came on. The song was “Sexual Healing”. Now, I don’t know about the rest of you, but my immature brain can’t handle this song.  Every time I hear it, I bust out with a terrible case of the giggles. So, I’m sitting in my spot – chuckling to myself when everyone starts asking what’s so funny. I told them I can’t handle the song. That’s when Patt thought it would be a good idea to hump my arm. I feel so violated! Now I’ll really never be able to listen to that song the same way again!

Debi won a bunch more dimes this month. I think she may have won the first cover all? Or was it the second? Maybe both? Damn tablet… Either way, she won a bunch & we got disgusted, so we flipped off her & her stinking dimes! I swear, Debi’s gonna be able to retire on some nice beach somewhere & it will all be funded by our dimes… So, we played one round, then Peg & Lori left. The rest of us stayed & played on for a little while longer, wrapping up the party around 9:30 or so. It seemed everyone had a good time (except for me – thanks to all the pissing & humping) and we went on our merry ways until the next party.

MYSTERY BOX

Peg gave out the first Mystery of 2013. Lori was the winner! It was a super cute plaid box chock full of snacks! Now Lori will do double duty of hosting & providing the Mystery for March.

MARCHING INTO MARCH

We attempted to plan a party for February. However, it seemed that everyone was busy & we just couldn't get our schedules to sync up again until March. For the first time ever, Lori has offered up her place to play! So, get your green on & head over to Lori’s house on SATURDAY, MARCH 9 @ 5:00 for a St. Patty’s Pokeno. I will provide her address & phone number in a separate e-mail so you can get directions from wherever you’re coming from. Lori will be making ham; Patt will do (everyone’s favorite) pineapple pudding; I’m doing spinach dip (because it’s green); Kate will be making Irish soda bread; Peg’s making her delicious mac & cheese; Phyllis is bringing fixin’s for a salad bar; Marge will bring snacks & Debi will pick up some sort of dessert on her way to the party.

FINAL THOUGHT

Now that I know how to work my tablet (don’t delete anything until I’m totally done & send a backup to my e-mail acct), the Rag for March should be a bit better put together (I hope). My apologies for not covering all the news that was fit to print. Maybe you remember some of the highlights…or not…probably not. I know a lot of you depend on the Rag to fill you in on stuff that you missed. So, hopefully you didn't miss anything important! Until next time, may the foxiest bitch win!

December 2012 - Happy Holidays Edition

We played our very first game @ Marge’s new place. Everyone thought it was lovely & had a good time. There were goodies aplenty! We dined on all the traditional holiday fixin’s of turkey, stuffing, twice baked potatoes, whipped sweet potatoes, green bean casserole, salad bar, rolls, cranberries, other various condiments, with cookies & brownies for dessert! Just go back &read that sentence again…we really do know how to eat well! We all left very full (obviously) of not only great food, but holiday cheer & merriment! Thanks again to Marge for such a lovely evening!

There were other goodies too…Marge not only passed out bagel wreath ornaments, but she also cross-stitched a holiday cardinal that says “Welcome to our home”. She gave it to the person that picked the lowest card. That lucky sista was Spanky! She picked a 2. Can’t beat that one!  I made card-themed balls for everyone & cold preparedness kits (tea, lozenges, tissues & nasal spray coupons); Phyllis handed out decorative holiday signs; and Patt had cookies to share with the group. A notable Christmas miracle was when Kate passed her call so Phyllis could call sooner! Wow! They say sometimes friendship is the greatest gift of all…tear…

Maybe the good karma came back to Kate when she won the first cover all of the night all by herself. She also won a really fat 4 corners! The bra bag increased to approximately a C-cup! Lori was noted to win a lot of centers throughout the night. At the end of the evening, Debi won the final cover all by herself.

MYSTERY BOXES

I just realized it was a strange co-inky-dink that this time last year, I won the holiday box & this year, I was the one giving it away! The lucky winner of the December mystery was Peg! In one box was a microwave s’mores maker (pour water into reservoir & steam will make the chocolate/marshmallow nice & gooey). In box #2 was everything you need to make the s’mores happen! Chocolate bars (milk & dark); graham crackers; marshmallows & some hot chocolate to wash them down. This is gonna be a perfect thing for Peg when it gets a bit chillier. Brew up some cocoa, melt up some snacks & get cozy by the fire! Aww yea! I say…s’mores party @ Peg’s house…who’s with me?

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

It looks like Patt won’t be able to travel much in January. So, why not bring the party to her house! Gather up your carpool & head over on SATURDAY, 1/26, 2013 @ 4:00. Please come in your comfiest clothes & bring some cash to order food. Phyllis will be providing dessert, so you’re guaranteed it’s gonna be delicious! After all the hustle & bustle of the holidays, let’s ring in 2013 lazily!

NAUGHTY OR NICE?

That was a trick question…we were all VERY good this year of course! Here’s who got what: Since Marge was hostess w/ the mostess, she got to give out her gift first. She had Patt. You’d think this would be easy as she knows Patt pretty well & all that. But! Patt was incredibly specific on her choice of gifts. She wanted some Motown CD that’s only available @ Wegmans! Marge frantically tried to find it locally & got a different one. As she starts to tell the story of trying to find this gift, Patt tells her that Bob has sent a package along. He knew exactly what CD it was, went to store, got it, wrapped it & totally helped Marge out!  Patt wound up w/ 3 CD’s worth of travelling music! Patt’s gift went to me! I got a gift card; sm bottle of vodka & coffee. Only problem w/ the coffee was that it’s decaf. She picked up the wrong bag by mistake! Anyone who knows me knows I think decaf is for pussies! She promised to fix it for me & have new coffee next time! I had Kate this year. Inside the polka dot extravaganza was a bottle of gingerbread syrup (for coffee or cocktails); Space Invader drink markers; tiki head can/bottle cozies; a tiki decal; beachy votive candles; and gingerbread tin full of cookies. Kate had Peg. She swore her gift was in a Santa bag! We looked & looked and just couldn’t find Santa. We did find a snowman…oh yea! That’s what she meant! After all that, inside the snowman bag was a bag of chocolate donut coffee& bling ring coffee mug! Peg was up next to give her gift to Phyllis. It was a Visa card to pamper herself however she sees fit! Phyllis had Marge. Inside the lovely bag was a nativity ornament (went right on the tree) & pot for her new kitchen! Looks like it’s down to Debi & Lori. Lori’s gift to Debi was a bottle of pinot grigio & dark chocolate. Debi also gave Lori dark chocolate along with coffee pot; coffee & filters.

PSA – POKENO SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT

It came to my attention during the game @ Marge’s house that you ladies go through a LOT of water during our meetings. So, I’d like to let you know that in the future, if you’re going to be a hostess, you should always have bottled water on hand. Either that or someone should be a designated water bringer that month as part of food/beverages. The more you know…

HO! HO! HO

Dashing through the snow

to Marge's house we go

with lots of gifts in tow

for everyone we know

It's time of year again

to fa-la-la with friends

don't laugh too hard

or you might need Depends

Gather round the table

maybe you'll be able

to win a bunch of dimes

many, many times

When the night is through

we will say "adieu" (to you & you & you)

see y'all in twenty thirteen

with love from the Queen (of hearts)

Until next year, may the foxiest bitch win!

October 2012 - Día de Brujas Edition

Sorry it’s been so long since I’ve gotten around to this, but it has just been crazy the last few weeks! Good thing we decided to skip the November game because I’m pretty sure we would’ve had to do that anyway! Hurricane Sandy ripped through our area & it was quite devastating for some. North Jersey & NYC were hit hard with hundreds of thousands still without power (as of this writing); flooded subways; complete city blocks gone; and rides in Seaside Heights that wound up in the middle of the ocean! Pioneer Kate had to go without power for a week! Peg was out a few days. Patt lost some trees on her property. Halloween was postponed which made our kids not so happy. But now, it’s back to business!

Our party this year was wonderful. Coming to the join in the “Monster Mash” we had Phyllis as a ladybug. She made a few attempts at being a “lady” during the night, but it was really hard to take her seriously with the extra arms & deelie-bobber antenna on her head! Kate was a sugar skull/day of the dead lady (fantastic makeup BTW); Marge was a zombie gypsy; I was a 50’s sock hopper; Debi & Patt came as a gardener & a bag of leaves; Peg was a sexy kitty; Lori was a bride. She included all of us in her bridal party as bridesmaids & gave us each a ring pop! Another feature of her costume was the toy chapel that played the “Wedding March”. She played it on her way into the party & later in the evening, someone pushed the button. That was a bad idea! The stupid thing wouldn’t shut off! We had to make sure not touch it again! Of course there were lots of good things to eat! This time we dined on various Mexican dishes. There was a taco bar; quesadillas; Mexican wedding cookies; fruit salad; cornbread; oozing brain cupcakes; jalapeno dip; queso w/ tortilla chips & margaritas to drink.

To keep the party festive, Phyllis had the Halloween station on her TV playing various songs all night. Two songs in particular really stood out. The first one was the Elvira song – you might remember this one. In case you don’t, here’s how it goes…start making a noise in your throat, then use your finger to wiggle your Adam’s apple while making noise. You have just sung the song! It was really bad! The other song was the “12 Days of Halloween”. I don’t remember any of it other than “an owl in a dead tree – HOOT HOOT!” This song was so catchy, that we all started to join in with the hooting. It was a real hoot…heh, heh…get it? While on the flying animal theme here & also in an attempt to distract you from that awful corny joke, let me tell you about the bat game!

Everyone was presented with a plastic bat at the start of the game. Spanky informed us that the sister with the most bats at the end of the night would win a prize! My half of the table (West Side) lost all our bats very early on. The other half (East Side) had a bat monopoly. It was so bad, that someone was looking to steal a bat when we told them the bats were all at that end of the table. The winner of the game was…birthday girl Peg! In the end, she wound up “battiest sister” with 3 in her pile. Inside the prize bag was a black cat candleholder & tea lights. It was kitty karma since Peg wore a cat costume! We called the first cover all around 8:45. After winning a butt load of centers all night (how much is in a butt load – I’m not exactly sure, but it was a lot!) Lori also won the cover all by herself! She took her winnings & left with Peg while the 6 of us played on until 10 when I won the 2^nd cover all by myself! Birthday luck for me too! Before we left, our “lady-like” hostess gave us all goodie bags full of cookies, pretzels & fudge. Plus trick or treat signs!

MYSTERY BAG

Debi was responsible for the spook-tacular Mystery this time around. We pulled cards & everyone was complaining about what they picked. I picked a 9 & thought for sure I was out. Well, it turned out everyone had low cards & my 9 actually won! Inside the bag was a black cat pail with electric tea lights; haunted house placemat; pumpkin-shaped chocolate pop; aluminum wallet; Wawa gift card & shared dimes from the pile she got from Peg in September’s Mystery!

UPCOMING PARTY NEWS

We attempted to schedule a November get-together, but it turned out everyone was booked solid most weekends. Since we couldn’t all agree on a date, we made the decision to skip November all together & move right on to our December party.

While we were planning Nov/Dec, Debi offered up her house for January to ring in 2013, so be sure to look for more info on that party in the Holiday Edition of the Rag. Speaking of holidays…

HAPPY HOLIDAYS

This year, we will be having our Christmas party at a brand new spot! Now that Marge is all settled in at her new place, she offered to host the party there. Grab your gifts, give your reindeer some magic dust, hop on your sleigh and fly it over to Marge’s on SATURDAY, 12/1 @ 4:00. If you need directions, please let me know. As the party gets closer, I will e-mail you further instructions for parking & building entry. We will be having a traditional holiday feast of turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes, sweet potatoes, green bean casserole, salad, cranberry sauce & condiments. With brownies & cookies for dessert!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!

In October, Peg & I both celebrated birthdays. One of us celebrated a milestone! That would be our dear Sister Shiatsu who turned the big 6-0 this year! She celebrated by spending a week with her sister who came up from FL to visit as a b-day surprise. They did all kinds of fun stuff like sight see, relax & go out for dinner! She spent the following week in FL with her brother & dad doing even more fun stuff! Who says a birthday should be celebrated for just one day! Heck – when you’ve survived 60 years, you deserve at least a whole month to party! Whoop! Whoop!

Also, since we won't be playing in November, please let me mention that Spanky will be celebrating her birthday. Happy birthday lady!

FINAL THOUGHT

I’m looking forward to spending another holiday with my Sisters! Good thing Santa doesn’t mind us being naughty, or it would be coal all around! Until next time, may the foxiest bitch win!

PS - For anyone who happens to stumble across this little piece of the internet & wants to know how the game is actually played, please go here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pokeno_game. There are many variations on how to play. We've been playing in one form or another for the last 15 years & this blog is about the wacky things that go on during our games & in our lives. It's not supposed to be a "how-to" guide.

September 2012 - Welcome Fall Edition

Aloha summer, aloha fall! Do they even have fall in Hawaii??? Hmm…I don’t think so. Just sunshine, hanging 5 on gnarly waves , Danno booking bad guys & rivers of liquid hot magma spewing forth from the volcanoes. Anyway…we certainly do have autumn here on the East Coast where we celebrated the start of autumn in PA. It was a very lovely day. Just right temperature, sunshine, blue skies, etc. Then, as we pulled outta the driveway, it started to rain. It rained & rained & rained some more. In fact, it rained the entire way back to Spanky’s house!

Everyone had a really good time this month! It was very relaxed. Doesn’t everyone love a relaxing party?  Since Patt’s son ventured out into the big world after flying from the nest at the F’in-A homestead, we had a new spot to play! The room was decorated with a bunch of fall leaves (keeping with the theme) and a welcome sign. We dined on 2 different kinds of baked ziti; assorted snacks (anyone who wasn’t before is now addicted to Nutella thanks to Cosmo); salad bar & brownie sundaes.

We started somewhere around 5 & wrapped it up about 9-ish. It was noted that Marge was very lucky this evening. She hit many a flush & 2 fat four corners. The first cover all was a 3-way split between Patt & 2 other people that I didn’t note (sorry, but you know who you are). I’m pretty sure that I won the last cover all of the night by myself. I was medicated after having surgery the week before, so some parts of the night are blurry. I should apologize for that right now. There’s a line in my notes that says, “naughty CAT, be nice – no CAN”. Do any of you remember what that’s about? I have NO idea WTF that’s supposed to mean & it’s in my handwriting! Something not in my handwriting was Kate wanting me to mention how something really gross/sticky was on the table & I put my finger in it twice! I do remember that & it was in fact disgusting.

There were all kinds of good goodies this month! I had goodies from StriVectin (face treatments) & Glade (coupons). I also provided Patt w/ a hostess gift that foreshadowed the evening’s events…more on that down in the “Random Funny” section. Lori passed out glow bracelets & magical glow wands! Patt went on a cleaning spree & found some stuff to give away in the pots. Lori won 2 things (bottle opener & tye dye kit). Marge won a dream catcher. Our parting gifts were autumnal candles & Halloween tattoos.

And now, a public service announcement. Once again, Peg & Phyllis wound up sitting next to each other. I’m pretty sure we had a rule in place about this. But somehow, it continues to happen. Can we please see in the future that if they look like they might be next to each other; move your seat to help keep them separated. Thank you in advance for your cooperation in this matter. It’s really for the good of the group!

MYSTERY ???

It was literally a question mark this month! No box, no bag, just some MacGyver-like skills. Peg-a-la was responsible for the September Mystery. Debi was the winner! Inside the oddly shaped package contained a very fancy pen; a peppermint (the dot on the bottom of the mark) & half of last month’s cover all winnings. Good things really do come in small packages sometimes!

HALLOWEEN-O

Calling all ghouls, goblins & creatures of the night! It’s time once again to do the “Monster Mash” @ Spanky’s house! We will be putting on our finest costumes SATURDAY, 10/27 @ 5:00. Phyllis mentioned she’s going to use the dimes she’s been collecting off her floor from last few parties to provide a taco bar. This started the whole “Mexican” Halloween theme. We will also be having jalapeño dip, quesadillas, margaritas, turtle brownies, tortilla chips/salsa, cupcakes & a surprise dessert (from Lori). Ole!

GOOD NEWS EVERYONE!

I am very pleased to report that Marge has officially moved into her new apartment! It’s a really cute little place w/ a lovely view! Since she hasn’t had the opportunity to host lately, she offered to do our holiday party @ her place in December. Since she’s in a “community” now, we’ll have to remember to be on our most lady-like behavior when the time comes! Speaking of time… Marge doesn’t have a clock yet.  But, Kate was nice enough to offer her alarm clock for the evening to be sure we all know what time it is! We need to know what time to stuff ourselves, what time to open presents & what time to wrap it up for the night before us young whippersnappers are caught in the building past curfew!

Marge was telling us about her new digs when she mentioned that they have bingo (duh) & Pokeno games! I told her she’s playing unofficial “scab” Pokeno. Marge then went on to tell us that it was different because it’s only 2 cents per pot & there are different pots. She assured us that OUR Pokeno was way more fun than the other one! That still didn't stop the ladies from busting her balls all night.

RANDOM FUNNIES

You weren’t supposed to do that! Marge won Four Corners & a prize. Patt, Phyllis & Peg (the 3 P’s) were so distracted that they cleared their cards! We quickly re-called only for someone to hit within the following 2-3 cards! Don’t forget – you’re only supposed to clear your card after Pokeno has been called, unless it’s the cover all when you clear it at the very end! Wow! 2 PSA’s in the same edition! I’m on a roll – not a Kaiser or Club roll Lori…

Fancy shuffling fail! Apparently my lack of shuffling ability was inherited from my Aunt! Patt admitted she’s a crappy suffler & thought she’d try her hand (ha, ha) @ some “fancy shuffling”! Wanna guess what happens next? Yup…she threw the cards all over the place. As she set about with the recount, she invited the rest of us to count along. Patt also dubbed herself “the new ree-ree” taking the title from Kate…for now…

Code Brown! There was a joke made earlier in the evening about Spanky’s funky farting fanny.  Wouldn’t you know it, shortly before the last cover all, we thought we heard thunder. Turns out that “thunder” was actually Phyllis busting ass! Kate & I ran downstairs and waited for the rest of the ladies to join us. They didn’t. Then we heard the hysterical giggling. The other ladies were obviously hysterical from the noxious fumes! Phyllis said it was “all noise”. I was glad that I gifted Patt a bag full of room spray & diffuser oil. It really came in handy to make it possible to finish the night.

FINAL THOUGHT

See the leaves on the trees turn shades of red, orange, gold & brown. Feel the chill as summer breezes blow colder through town. Enjoy the last warm days of fall until winter comes to call. Sip some cider & carve a pumpkin.  And, until next time, may the foxiest bitch win!

August 2012 - Aloha Summer Edition

Its summer time, it feels just right. Gonna gather all my friends and we'll party through the night… We hung out this month @ the Tiki Bar where all the ladies got lei’d! It was too hot for the hot tub so those of us who got there early hung out around the bar instead. We dined on chicken parm; pot stickers; cheese; grapes; assorted snacks; strawberry cake & fruit pudding(?) When Marge went to taste hers (she didn’t see Patt almost spit her bite back out) she made a face that was SO bad, someone told her to “put your face back”! She really looked like she was gonna hurl for a second there!

After everyone showed up & we got down to business, it was 6:30. We wrapped it up somewhere around 10. The first cover all was split between Kate & Marge. The hostess luck was certainly w/ Kate this month! Not sure if someone else started it, or if she actually dubbed herself “Pokeno Kate – Fastest Dimes in the East!” She was winning so much during the night – we weren’t sure if it was really “hostess luck” or if it had something to do with Charlie sitting on her lap during the first round! Peg cleaned up the second cover all by herself. Not only did Peg get the final cover all, but earlier in the evening…

MYSTERY BOX/BAG

Since I was the winner at the Toga Party, it was my responsibility to hook up the next Sister this time around. Peg was the winner! It’s funny because if you remember last month, Peg & I had a sudden death re-pick! Inside the box was a purse chock full of everything you could possibly need to just grab it & go! There was a change purse; lip gloss; mints; pen & paper; perfume; tissues; nail kit; lip balm; lotion; hand sanitizer; mini lint roller; eye drops; lens cloth; Febreze (for your car); mini phone/address book; mirror; lighter; band-aids; reusable fold-up shopping bag & drink mix packet.

SEPTEMBER POKENO

Round up your car pools now! We’re heading over to Patt’s house for our September party. We will be meeting on SATURDAY, 9/22 @ 3:00. So far, I can guarantee cookie dough brownies. There will be more menu updates as they become available...

SHOUT OUTS!

This month we send a big shout out to our August birthday girls Kate & Lori. Kate was at the beginning of the month & Lori was near the end. Happy birthday to you both!

THIS IS THE END

In honor of August being “National Peach Month” – here’s another fact from your friends at Snapple. Snapple Fact #722 – The peach was the first fruit to be eaten on the moon! I wonder if they left the pit up there with the rest of their trash… I had this fact saved for two months now. Inset ironic fact here about the dude that probably ate that peach… Neil Armstrong took the 2^nd star to the right & floated off into the galaxy at the end of the month. Until next time, follow your own star & may the foxiest bitch win!